"If you think you've fallen in love, get up."

My marital counselor gave me this quote, and I share it in the infidelity section since for now this is where I belong. I am thinking on it this weekend and offer it to those of us caught up in and recovering from infidelity:

"If you think you've fallen in love, get up. Psychologist Robert Sternberg shows that romantic love is a temporary mental "illness" caused primarily by a state of neurohormonal imbalance. It is evolution's way of seeing that we propagate, but it doesn't cause us to cohabitate for long. If we calm down and wait, romantic love always passes and true love can grow. Real love is not a feeling; it's a decision. If you think you're seeing love by gazing deeply into your partner's eyes, you aren't. You're seeing eyeballs. Lasting love is more a matter of learning to look outward at the world together than looking longingly eye-to-eye." --Paul Persall

Thoughts? Comments? Agree? Disagree?

westwind,

i agree as well. I would rather have a woman love me than be in love with me. Love is an action, not a feeling. But everyone holds their opinions.

Yes. I agree. Lasting love looks toward a future and the road ahead. Where do we go from here...and how do we get there. Lasting love is weathering the storms and the struggles "together". As one heart.. one body...going in the same direction.

"Propogation Therory" yes.. I can agree with this. Marriage and mongomy and all those laws are man-made... look at the animal world... they don't have a piece of paper saying "Mr. & Mrs. Wolf"....

Do you suppose there's infidelity in the animal world??? hmmmm. (joke).

We are animals afterall... albeit with a caveat.. we are thinking animals. who rationalize and think. "DeCarte" - "I think thereforeeee I am"

Personally... I don't believe in the whole Marriage piece of Paper thing.

WHY? What is the purpose??? What purpose does a piece of paper serve??? TAX BREAK??? Sorry.. I think that I make out better shacking up living in Sin and filing single.

Or I got a better idea... if I stay SINGLE...and live on my own... we each have our own lives... He WON'T disapoint me. He won't cheat on me. Or if he does.. I'll be less likely to know about it and SNAP.

 

Personally... I don't believe in the whole Marriage piece of Paper thing.

WHY? What is the purpose??? What purpose does a piece of paper serve??? TAX BREAK??? Sorry.. I think that I make out better shacking up living in Sin and filing single.

 

Or I got a better idea... if I stay SINGLE...and live on my own... we each have our own lives... He WON'T disapoint me. He won't cheat on me. Or if he does.. I'll be less likely to know about it and SNAP.

uh...yeah...my thoughts exactly. Personally I'm at a point where i am meeting very kind stable..."good" guys. Thing is--im not attracted to ANY of them. I feel I would be cheating the both of us if I tried to make something out of nothing...I could love them for who they are, but...just can't go that extra mile...ya know? I wish I could because they would treat me so wonderfully...hmm.

Westwind,

I agree wholeheartedly with that original quotation. I think it is terribly important that we all understand these sorts of feelings as well. It is heartbreaking to be on the receiving end from someone who is "in love" with you, only to have their feelings completely evaporate when the chemicals wear off. Much better to wait for however long it takes so we are absolutely sure we really do love someone.

Wasn't he the one who had the "Triangular theory" on true love?

He said that true lovw is made up of three components, Passion, intimacy, and comitment. It makes a lot of sense.