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23/early 40s: Is it different for women?


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Do you guys think the gender of each partner matters in an age-gap relationship? I'm asking because I am a 23-year-old woman who's attracted to another woman, only she's in her late 30s/early 40s. I should also mention that I've never been in a relationship before, while she's probably been in several (and had lots of sex). Still, people who know me tell me I'm very mature, and I have a feeling we'd have a decent amount of interests in common. Should I go for it?

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um, that sounds freakishly similar to my heart-wrenching situation. i seem to always fall for older women, and the one i'm in love with right now is actually my professor... so nothing can happen. i don't even know if she's open to having lesbian relationships anyway. however, that doesn't make it any easier to stop my heart from breaking over the amazing person she is. out of curiosity, is the woman you're into in an authority position/ is she accessible? because although i believe that love knows no bounds in terms of age gaps, things like "boss-employee" "teacher-student" "mentor-mentee" can be major hurdles in determining whether or not an intimate relationship can materialize.

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It really depends on the people involved. I posted a similar question to yours on a lesbian website and in the women over 40 forum so most of my respondants were women over 40. LOL

 

Many of them said that they would consider dating someone a lot younger if they felt a connection with them, if they had things in common, and if they were at similar stages in life.

 

A few of them said that they were currently dating younger women and their younger woman made them feel young and beautiful. They said that sometimes age was a factor just because of the life experience thing, but as long as both people were willing to acknowledge the age difference in the relationship and it didn't bother either person, then it was okay. Other older women said that they had been there and done that and it had ended disastrously.

 

One woman even claimed that her younger woman chased her and soon after she got her, the younger woman left her for someone her own age and she was devastated. She said the sex was amazing, though.

 

My opinion is that if you two have similar interests, goals in life, including career and family, similar attitudes and perspectives, and are at a similar stage in life then it shouldn't matter. The age difference between you and this woman is probably 20 years, which can be a lot. However, my last crush is 25 years older than me. She ended up telling me that she can't be my confidante because she is much older than me, so I guess the age diff bothered her.

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I wanted to add that the age difference seems to bother the older person more than the younger one, it seems. I think sometimes the older person wonders what others will say about them, like "robbing the cradle," comments. I also think many times the older person has been there and done that and doesn't want to take the experience away from the younger person. Younger people tend to be more adventurous and like to go out more. Many older people I know would prefer to stay at home in the comfort of their living room watching TV. So, sometimes energy levels are different.

 

I would be interested in hearing what older people think about dating someone younger, those that have dated younger people. Do you think age was a bigger deal to the older person?

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It doesn't matter what's on the outside; it's what's on the inside that counts. Your physical being is but a shell comprised of DNA by your mother and father. The real "you" lies inside you and it doesn't matter what gender, age, race you are. When two people "meet," they should focus on what's on the inside anyway for that's where true soul mates find each other.

 

Dorothy

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