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Thread: Painful breakup.....

  1. #11
    TiredMan's Avatar
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    There is so much more backstory to this that I don't think I can just step away. I'm lying when I say she doesn't speak to anyone about this stuff. She does not trust anyone and feels like everyone will betray her. He closest friends and others have done it to heh throughout her life. The only people who haven't betrayed her are her parents and herself. She does not speak to her parents about her feelings because that is just not how they are. They love each other and spend tons of time together but it's not a sharing heartfelt feelings type. So she only trusts herself with stuff. Many many insecurites which I am ashamed to admit I used against her when I was real upset. I never meant to but it's just my emotion does not let me think straight when that happens. This is why I am getting help for it. I think she needs help too but when you go near that subject with her, she gets very defensive and goes into denial. It is just so hard to break through but I have to keep trying because I love her so much.

    Any advice on how to break through? It's very very difficult.

  2. #12
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    she wont just sit down and have a real serious talk with you?? not as bf/gf but just as two people who know eachother?

  3. #13
    Member OceanEyes's Avatar
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    I'm with the last poster. It would be nice if she agreed to sit down and have a chat with you about things, even if it's just to clarify matters that you're obviously guilty and confused about. Even if she did though, would it help?

    You seem to have hurt her quite a bit, as you keep mentioning it. There is only a certain amount of pain that a person can take before their heart says "no more", even if you have no intention of ever doing it again (which you know is true, but you've said yourself, can't control).

    If you have a tendency to be somewhat abusive when you are upset, you should concentrate on fixing that within yourself. It seems like the reason that she left was because she couldn't trust you to respect her and not hurt her. In order to build up that trust (which you may have to accept as an impossibiity), you're going to have to work to prove it. She's heard your words before, which is why they're not doing much good now. Get yourself to therapy, share your experiences with her, and go from there. You should actually want to change long-term, otherwise she's right about the same circle of behaviour. If you want to change the dynamic of your relationships, YOU have to change.

    Good luck.

  4. #14
    TiredMan's Avatar
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    We had an ok conversation today. It was towards a positive level. Not positive as in she is giving me a chance or anything but positive in that there was honesty and I opened up to her about things I NEVER could say before. Plus, there was no coldness or meanness.

    I guess I need to concentrate one day at a time. I love her more than anything and always will.

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  6. #15
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    Went to the therapist today. I wrote a short update here

    Do any of you think i am doing the right thing? I feel she has every right to be angry and to be fed up with how I hurt her but I felt like it was just all my pain that made me mean. I never wanted to and already started to see a therapist today because I don't want that to happen again. But my heart hurts so bad (unable to function) that I can't just let it go.

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