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Thread: I love my wife but....

  1. #11
    Platinum Member brando's Avatar
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    [quote="OceanEyes"]

    Something you have to remember, is that no matter how sorry you are, it means absolutely nothing if - even once - you revert back to your old ways. You can say "I'm sorry" until you're blue in the face, but if you don't back up your claims with consistent actions, it just won't matter.

    Yes OceanEyes, you are correct. This is how one will know the sincerity and meaningfullness of the apology. This also seems to happen to many couples when they get back together, as if the apology and the admittance was a tactic to get the other party back into the relationship, and then keeps the positive changes flowing until the comfortability of the relationship is secured again, and then hello old habits... i think the awareness has to come from both parties... especially if someone was hurt directly or indirectly by another.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Shadows Light's Avatar
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    Ocean Eyes/Brando....

    Exactly...I keep having to sit here and applaud the both of you because everytime I come back to the string of posts it hits a personal note with me. My EX... always said he was sorry. "I'm sorry for what I said...I didn't mean it"... "I'm sorry for being a 'Butt' head.. I didn't mean it..." and when it keeps happening over and over again... you get to the point that you have to say...no more. Gromlin... every one's tolerance level is different. Me? I'd finally reached my tolerance level...there's no more give in it. If I forgive and think, ok...this time he's really going to stick with it... this time he's really gonna change.. I know, deep in my heart I will be disapointed again. So there comes a time where no matter how much you want to make good and nicely nice nice... you have to shut it off, cut it out, and amputate it... and don't look back and cut your losses. When you reach point of diminshing returns... or the point you think you made a bad investment... do you keep throwing good money after bad???
    (sorry to put it in business or stock market terminology but its just an analogy).

    Gromlin.. the best advice I can give to you is... if she's still around then there's a glimmer of hope. Keep thinking positive. Keep the good changes in your life, not just for her... but for yourself. Because they make you a better person. A happier person. And like "oceans said"... build that trust back. It'll take a long time....but you'll get what you put into it. How much is it worth to you to learn the art of "patience"....

  3. #13
    Platinum Member brando's Avatar
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    Shadows llight wrote: If I forgive and think, ok...this time he's really going to stick with it... this time he's really gonna change.. I know, deep in my heart I will be disapointed again. So there comes a time where no matter how much you want to make good and nicely nice nice... you have to shut it off, cut it out, and amputate it...

    The sadness of love sometimes.

    Shadows light, you are correct. Even if one wants to blieve the other will change, and even may become excited or hopeful of the awareness in the other, then when the relationship returns to the previous state of hell, then the point of no return evolves. It basically comes down to ones own self respect.

    Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Shadows Light's Avatar
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    Brando....

    Exactly. Now, why is it that you can understand that and my ex can not. Can not understand that and accept it and move on. Maybe in time he will.

    As for the one making the cut off... its not an easy thing to do. I made the analogy of an amputation because that is essentially what it is. Gangreene. You need that limb, you've grown accustomed to that limb, but if you don't do something about it it will infect and take over the rest of you till there is nothing left.

    Relationships and the dance... Arn't they just a wonderful thing. Things start out just so Rosey and then get all muddled somewhere in the evolution of it.

    Again... I'm not saying to the orginal poster that it can't be remidied. I'm saying that once the trust is broken. You have to work that much harder or put in that much more in the kitty for it to take root. Its a fine line and balancing act.

    And my suggestion of "make the changes for yourself" is what it boils down to. You should want to change to be a better person for yourself. Its not just the one that is closest to you that gets the essense of you... its everyone you come into contact with. I've seen my ex dress down other family members and friends alike. They may make exceptions for him because they don't live with him 24/7.... however, I'll bet even money that they distance themselves from him to an extent. And he may even lose out on what could be "GREAT" friendships or relationships with others. IMO.

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    Thank you

    Thank you all for your wonderfull responses. I had no one to talk to about this and to have so much input on it all really means alot. I am going to be this way and never change. I feel that I had to put the childish part behind me and just be the man that she needs,and be the man that I want to be the best I can. I do worry alot about loosing her, but she is still here and your right, that says alot. I have been taking the time everyday to tell her how beautiful she is and how I fell about her. Taken the time to enjoy the little moments that I will never forget. I am so glad I found this website, and once again thank you all so much.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member brando's Avatar
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    Shadows Light,

    It took me some time to realize these things, time and a marriage as well.

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