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Thread: Please help me get over her

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    52

    Please help me get over her

    My story is not unique, but man is ever hard.

    1. Early 40's man in a difficult marriage.
    2. Sought marital counseling, wife declined.
    3. Treated for depression, then went into a two year affair with a much younger woman.
    4. Fell deeply in love with the other woman.
    5. Wife found out. She surprisingly accepted a lot of the responsibility.
    6. I went back to wife and family out of a sense of responsibility and the right thing to do.
    7. Wife is a now a new and different woman. Everything I ever asked for. I am trying so hard to fall in love with her again.
    8. We are in marital and I am in personal counseling. Very helpful.
    9. The other woman immediately moved in with another man she barely knew and before that went on essentially a sexual binge. Did stuff that was dangerous and irresponsible and my BRAIN tells me I was right to go back to my family.
    10. STILL, CANNOT GET THE OTHER WOMAN OUT OF MY MIND. SHE HAS MOVED ON. I CANNOT.

    Please help. Chew me out, don't pull any punches. Why can't I grow some balls and flush this woman out of my mind?!!!

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    721
    You're just ticked off that the other woman turned out to be looser than you thought, and your own actions look MUCH crappier now that she turned out to be that way. It's like when a woman you liked starts banging some dude you dislike -- it's just ego.

    Was that harsh enough?

    Your wife may not have been the best thing back in the day but YOU made the situation far worse by committing adultery. And she is still taking you back (you may have issues on that too -- you may not respect your wife much for taking you back after what you did).

    You're only going to be around this planet for another 50 years realistically or less; do you want to spend another second dwelling on the other woman?

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    52
    Good points. Yes, I made the situation far worse. I went through a period where I justifed my actions. I can step up and admit the following: YOU NEVER JUSTIFY AN AFFAIR. IF THE MARRIAGE WAS THAT BAD, GET OUT FIRST, FIX YOURSELF, THEN CONSIDER A NEW RELATIONSHIP.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    264
    Your reconciliation with your wife sounds like one of those rare success stories, and you acknowledge how lucky you are to have her. It's okay for you to have these feelings for the other woman, but the important thing is how you act. If we all acted on each and every one of our feelings, this world would be a frightening place indeed. It will take discipline and hard work, but you are on the right track.

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