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Need advice about a VERY sensitive situation


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Hello. First post. I've run into a problem with my wife that I can't think my way out of, so figured that's what places like this are for.

 

The essentials: I'm 30 and my wife of two years is 24. I love her VERY much, and hurting her in any way is unthinkable. We both have office-type jobs and spend a lot of time together. Everything about our shared life is spectacularly good (fingers crossed), and we've had no significant problems since our first meeting, never mind married.

 

So. Landmines lurk, however, I'm discovering. Here's the deal: Since shortly after we first started having sex (which is both frequent and extremely good), Sara has confided in me about her exhibitionistic fantasies. She was raised in a Catholic family with an overbearing father, and was always a "good girl," which I imagine is how much of the urge came about. The other component is how she looks physically, and its effect on her self-esteem, which I'll get to in a minute.

 

By confided her fantasies, I mean exactly that. Before and during sex, she'd describe them to me in great detail. Imaginings like being a stripper, or dancing at a pool party naked, or wearing outrageously revealing clothes to a restaurant. And always woven into these vivid stories and descriptions were periodic, affirming questions about whether I thought she was "pretty enough" to do that sort of thing. And I, since it was only fantasy sex talk---intimate secrets she was sharing---assured her that not only she was pretty enough, but absolutely the most beautiful and desirable woman in the history of the world.

 

Then about four months ago, Sara decided to take action to overcome her natural shyness (about everything), and started to read a lot of self-help books and online material. She talked to a company-paid counselor for a while, bought some DVD's, and the like. "Assertiveness therapy" would describe the process pretty well. Now, it wasn't sex-related stuff she had had a lifelong struggle with, it was being afraid to do things she wanted to do, instead of what society (and the Church) had always told her to. And I encouraged her all I could. I loved her. I DO love her.

 

Then about two months ago came the unexpected right-angle turn. We were both getting dressed to go out, and she insisted on waiting until I was finished so she could surprise me. And ten minutes later, she walked into the living room wearing practically nothing. A scissored-short, see-through sleeveless T-shirt; a pair of ultra low cut hip-hugger shorts, and spaghetti strap sandals. She was beaming. All she said was, "I'm not afraid any more, and I'm finally doing it! What do you think?" and did a slow turn like a model. I was stunned, but kept smiling, and tried to think fast. It was no use. It was her (justified) attitude of assumption that trumped every reply I could come up with. We'd talked about this sort of thing during sex many times, virtually every time, in fact, and I'd not only endlessly reassured her how beautiful and sexy she was, but told her in so many words that she owed it to the world's men to turn them on. She always giggled and retreated into her head with the imagining of it, and the climaxes always followed. It was simply her---our---thing.

 

And now the problem part: Virtually none of what I told her was true (by popular measures, anyway). The reason Sara is absolutely stunningly beautiful to me is because I know what's in her head and heart, and love her body because it is HER body. Does that make sense? But those who don't know her only see the outside, and by centerfold standards, she doesn't have a sexy body at all. She has a truly beautiful face, with lovely eyes, perfect teeth, and a room-brightening smile; and long, surprisingly muscular legs ending in cute little feet, but that where it ends. Not true: she's a natural redhead with skin as white and perfect as porcelain, which while many people find beautiful in a classical sense, looks almost bizarre in a bikini. But as for the rest, she has no curves. At all. She's 5'7" and weighs only 110 pounds, and is as straight-bodied as a snake. Nice shoulders and posture, but nothing more than a 10 year old's butt. And her breasts are extremely small. Though "flat" doesn't describe them. They are set so far apart they point almost sideways, and are extremely narrow and upturned. Literally as narrow as bananas. And the colored part around her nipples isn't flat like most women, but sticks way out separately, like shot glasses or bullets. They look VERY odd. Finally, she was born with an absolutely enormous "outie" navel. It isn't a hernia that can be repaired, either, but a rubbery-firm knob of scar tissue the size of a golf ball that is turned completely inside-out. Too keep it from showing through tight fitting clothes (which it does very noticably), she learned as a teenager how to use a strip of wide adhesive tape, and make it stay stuck all day using a spray-on tape base. But now, standing in front of me saying she's ready to go in her tiny undershirt and shorts, there was no tape (of course). And her bellybutton, string-straight body, and antenna-like boobs weren't just clearly visible, but proudly on display.

 

Which brings me back to the problem. Because we actually did go out that night (I said I would never hurt her, remember?), and the next, and the next, and the next... First in that outfit, then in others like it. And in every case, the result was exactly what you'd expect. Rude snickering, audible "whispers" and pointing as she'd walk past people, the occasional smart guy (probably drunk) shouting something insulting, and so on. It was like a background sound track.

 

But she doesn't care. She just ignored it. The "face your fears and you will be free" assertiveness thing became so strong with her that within weeks it was like a religion, and continued to grow until I finally decided it had become only an excuse of convinience. And I was right, because now all she talks about before and during sex is showing guys what she looks like between her legs, and entering totally naked dance contests, and so forth. In short, that she enjoys being naked in front of people as much in reality as fantasy, is a fact.

 

So, if I am willing to deal with this because I love her, and she just tunes out the embarrassment and insults, what's the problem? It's twofold: First, I'm afraid she'll one day "wake up" from what she's doing and regret it, and there's no way to undo it; and second, our friends and family have started to stay away. She managed to "accidently" lose her entire bikini at my sister's house (who has a pool), and then paraded in front of Karen's neighbors, her husband, and their ten-year-old son stark naked. That sort of stuff has caused a "blacklist" effect. In short, the combination of her behavior and how she looks (pure honesty, here---we all know if she looked like a centerfold, people would react differently) means NOBODY enjoys either the way she dresses or her increasingly daring "accidents"... but every night, it becomes the fuel of her passion. Plus, I have assured and reassured her so many times how gorgeous she is, that to change my story now could seriously damage her trust.

 

Am I in a jam, or what?

 

Any and all help is welcome.

 

Thanks very much.

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First, I would say that she needs to find another therapist to deal with her exhibitionism. My fear is that she is going to show too much at the wrong time and get herself into trouble. It's one thing to face your fears, something totally different to parade about completely naked in front of a family. Regardless of what her body looks like, her behavior is inappropriate and needs to be addressed. Preferrably by an objective, professional person who can help her balance what she's going through.

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What an unusual post. I don't really know what to say. Putting all else to one side, parading naked in front of other adults and a 10 year old child is totally inappropriate and I would have thought that issue in itself should be easy to deal with...you just cannot do that, not for the embarrasment that it may cause you or her but the discomfort it causes to others and I would imagine particularly teh parents of the child.

 

Other than that maybe you could talk to her about meeting halfway. Not wear such revealing outfits but maybe something a bit sexier than she would normally wear.

 

I think you need to focus on the discomfort of others and educate her to the fact that while this may be liberating to her, other people feel awkward and embarrased by the revealing nature of what she is wearing (or not)!!

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It sounds like your wife has gone from one extreme to the next. Although I am happy for her to be more confident with her body, acting out her fantasies is completely another story. I agree with the other two posters about walking around naked infront of family and a 10 year old boy, that was completely inappropriate and out of line. I'm curious as to what you said to her about that? How did you handle that? And does she realize what she did is quite embarrassing to herself and to you?

 

Qnother question: Does she understand the difference between classy-sexy and trashy? The discription of her outfit in your post sounds trashy to me.

How about you surprize her with some revealing new classy-sexy lingerie? Tell her that you saw this in the store and couldn't resist seeing her in it. Perhaps this can sway her into wanting to impress you and more so in private rather than parading around family members.

 

Another suggestion is to stop telling her that you think she looks good in something that doesn't. Of course be careful of what words you choose. I'm sure that you opinion means a lot to her and if you can tell her what you think would look good on her, go for it! Focus on the positives more than the negatives.

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have you got a strong heart?..

 

leave magazines of women (in the Trashy clothes/ behaviour section) lying open.casual comments.. "oh she should cover up." etc. (pamela anderson always a good source)

 

invest in a digital camera.. photo of before she goes out.. "this is how other people see you" .. are you happy with the outfit, the way others are seeing it. or "oh, you look just like linda lovelace.." (just kidding, but you see where i'm going)

 

or...

 

bite the bullet. "baby, i love you, and i think you're gorgeous, but your behaviour with the nudity was inappropriate, and i think you should tone down, if just for the sake of family harmony"

 

"honey, i think we need to set some boundaries, because so and so said that when you got naked in front of (ten year old) it embarrassed her and the family"

 

put it in a light that what she has should be for you. and that it makes people uncomfortable to be around when she is "on display"

 

it's not an easy subject to broach, thereforeeee there is no easy answer.. good luck with it.. and keep your chin up

 

weirdo

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An interesting story -- your original post says at least two things -- that you love her and find her incredibly sexy, yet at the same time there's a lot of criticism of her body, ostensibly seen through other eyes, but your eyes too?

 

I think it's great that she's expressing herself, but of course you have the right to draw the line when it's obviously inappropriate, e.g. the naked thing in front of your son. But, if she can scale back, I think you should embrace what she's doing. For instance, who cares if other men snicker at her on the street as long as you are not snickering.

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Thanks for the help and suggestions. MUCH appreciated.

 

Most of you---rightly---zeroed in on the swimming pool episode as crossing the line. I agree now, and thought so then. What I didn't say in the original post (by then it was already getting very long), was that although it was a deliberate act, the boy seeing her saw her was very probably an accident. She thought he'd run out of sight, and didn't notice him return. And we did have a discussion about it afterward. As in, I talked, and she listened. Turn-ons are one thing, messing with styff that can get you arrested are quite another... that sort of tone.

 

She was appropriately embarrassed and contrite to the point that I dismissed it as overenthusiasm... (It is hard to describe how excited all this finally-living-her-fantasies makes her.) So unless something like that happens again, it's in the past.

 

btbt: Good question. Almost by definition it is impossible to know when you are repressing something, isn't it? Being with Sara in public when she's doing her show-off schtick causes all manner of conflicted feelings. First and foremost, I'm delighted by her delight. Next in line would be sexual excitement because of the obvious... Third would be irritation at people in general for being so petulantly determined to see anything different as ugly. Fourth is anger at those who are deliberately nasty to her. (Many of whom are women, BTW)

 

Which doesn't quite answer your question, does it? I guess the only way to test such a thing would be if I would push a button that would instantly transform her body into centerfold/model perfection. Hmmm... Here's the honest answer: If I had such a button, I'd be tempted to, because of what a smoother road she'd have with all this. Guys would drool, and women would hate her in the most complimentary way... And even my life would be easier, because any abuse directed at her affects me, too. But in the end, I would not push it, and here's why: Because she wouldn't be Sara any more, and Sara is the woman I love.

 

Final answer.

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scott, wow, that was a lovely and honest thing to say. I wish all men were are self-reflective as you are!

 

It's hard not to let outside views inform our own, but you're doing a great job of being honest with everything and loving your partner. I tip my hat to you.

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Hello again. I just reread the thread, and realized except for btbt's question at the end, I didn't answer the one everybody else asked earlier about her going out dressed "trashy" more than sexy. All I can do is pretty much agree. Her attitude never is, though, which makes a difference. She's mostly just awkward and excited, so projects none of that casual, sneering sort of vibe I've always associated with a girl who actually is trashy.

 

Yesterday was very hot here (hello July!) so we went to a local waterpark, which was definitely another chapter in the "coming out of Sara" story. Because she suggested it, and until then had never wanted to go anywhere like that before. Another "confront your fears" type of exercise for her, apparently. She wore the same tiny bikini as she had to my sister's house. Definitely not waterpark-worthy, but she assured me on the way (and I believed her---she's not physically daring) that she didn't intend to go on any of the slides. In fact, between that and how worried she was about sunburn, we did little but walk around staying in the shady spots. Several times she wanted me to sit on a bench while she went to a concession stand or the bathroom, and I immediately understood that was why she had really come. To feel herself "solo" in a crowd. Then, after doing that several times, she wanted me to stay put while she just stood under a tree accross a the courtyard, like she was waiting for someone, and was stared at.

 

On the drive home, to describe her as "eager" is badly understating it. Why people looked at her is not important, apparently, only that they did. (And, of course, they very much did. Her extreme paleness caught everyone's eye initially, and her navel kept them looking.) I jokingly congratulated her for keeping the suit on, and she just laughed. Then she got semi-serious and asked a very loaded and delicate question... "Did I make you want me?" Then without waiting for an answer, added, "A hundred guys got to see what only you get to have..." Then after a long pause, and in an even lower, more confidential whisper directly into my ear, "I wish I could have showed them everything!"

 

Needless to say, the remainder of the afternoon was, um, spent doing laundry and vacuuming. Not. 8)

 

So. She's off shopping at the moment, and that's pretty much the update. I intended to address (obliquely and delicately) the trashy appearance vs. classy thing after reading everyone's advice here, but was caught again with no way to do it without upsetting the VERY delicate balance I can sense exists. She somehow found the courage to live her fantasies, and the cornerstone of that courage--again I can just "tell"--comes from trusting me implicitly. What I've told her since the first time she confided her exhibitionistic fantasies to me, I now realize, is the emotional equivalent of a parent telling a child, "Go ahead and jump... I'll catch you!"

 

It's just that I never imagined she actually would.

 

Man, this is TOUGH. I'll keep you updated. Thanks again for listening, and the advice. I read every word of every response, and try to process everything.

 

Scott

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There's a saying out there that goes something like this, "Everybody wants to be a porn star." I never really believed that myself since I've never had a huge urge to film myself while doing the deed, but since I've heard that quote, I've noticed that it seems to possess some truth to it with many people.

People are always videotaping themselves while performing erotic acts. Your last post made me think of this above quote since your wife feels such an urge to show herself off completely naked.

Hence why I suggest perhaps that you can do more erotic things in the bedroom such as filming yourselves to satisfy some of her need to "show herself off".

 

It's great that she is feeling confident, she may need other avenues to express herself which is why I suggest the above. Seeing yourself doing such acts is quite liberating...she might like it???

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tiger lilies,

 

I've never heard the saying, but can see how it came about given the popularity of sex-related material in the world. From magazines to the Net, it's Big Business, for sure.

 

Something I heard years ago but could never check (of course), is that a large majority of men in the porn industry are from Jewish backgrounds, and an even larger majority of women are from Catholic backgrounds. If true, it looks like Sara fits the profile, just not so dramatically...

 

Your idea of filming her/us is probably a good one at some level, but I don't see how that would satisfy her urge to be seen by others. And showing such films or photos to anyone but ourselves would be much riskier than what she's doing now. Documentary evidence, so to speak, plus anything ever finding its way onto the Net would be a real mess. Also, my entering the equation isn't an option. Hmmm... how much to tell? (pause) Let me phrase this just a certain way. Unlike Sara, whose sexual fantasies finally overcame her religious/parental inhibitions and her physically rooted self-esteem issues; I have a situation that will never be displaced by anything. As in, I have physical, um, limitations of my own.

 

I guess I should just say it, since forums like this are anonymous... We cannot really have intercourse, and never have, because I'm too small to stay in her and climax too fast anyway. With me, arousal and climax happen simultaneously. It is a curse, to be sure. Most of the time it's over before I'm even fully hard. (And those rare times when I do successfully "arrive," climax occurs almost instantly at the first touch.)

 

I don't want to digress, because that's a different forum's topic. I'll just say that I was 23 before caring enough for a girl to even try having sex, and the date was over about a minute after the attempt. As was the relationship with her. She simply gathered her clothes, dressed without a word, and left. And I didn't try again for many years, until Sara. (Two penny-diameter inches, grape-sized testicles, and spurting on a girl the instant she starts sliding your underwear down, will do that to a guy.)

 

Sara, though, while I'm sure she wishes I was normal, never even said anything about it for several dates, and then only in a, "Tell me if I can help" sort of way. We just adapted, became inventive, and loved each other enough to look past intercourse and traditional mechanics, and developed what worked for us.

 

Hearing all this, any cynics reading this will probably say it explains our bond altogether. That Sara was probably with enough guys who laughed at her body the first time she undressed, that she talked herself into loving the first one who didn't. And that acting out her exhibitionistic fantasies today is a way of telling me she needs something I can't provide.

 

All I can say is that I don't think so in either case.

 

Though, (I just thought about it for several minutes), it probably is true that much of the reason I am a lot more willing to let her display herself than the average husband would be (a safe bet, that), is because I both fear losing her, and am trying to compensate at some level for my lack of normalcy. I just asked myself if there was any exhibitionistic act (short of something that would land her in jail) I would try to talk her out of doing, if she wanted to, and the answer is no. What triggered that question is just last night, she asked if I'd let her enter a dance contest at a totally nude nightclub sometime, and I said yes.

 

I don't know if a whippet-thin girl with breasts as small as hers would even be allowed to enter, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to predict the crowd's reaction if she was, but I'd rather she be dissappointed in them, than disappointed in me.

 

Wow. This intended short answer to your question, tiger_lilies, sure went off in a different direction, didn't it? I see now why therapists want their patients write their feelings down, like homework assignments. All sorts of stuff comes out, doesn't it?

 

Scott

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It seems like being a stripper would fulfill all her needs of exhibitionism. Maybe if she got implants and artificial tanning...

Would you allow her to dance in a club? Knowing that she would only have sex with you? She could make good money AND make full use safer of her needs. A strip club is a contained environment where nudity is acceptable. She can start having problems in exposing herself in public.

Do not fret about your small penis. Most women cannot have orgasm through intercourse any way. It is the clitoris that counts. And you can always use toys to replicate intercourse.

 

Anyway, you are a loving husband and it is nice to see your worry with her. Many strippers have husbands and boyfriends that are actually proud of them.

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Luciana,

 

I was thinking along the same lines as you regarding a strip club as a (relatively) safe, contained environment. Sara looks nothing like the kind of girls who do that for a job, though. She'd be lucky to be allowed to enter an amateur contest, if any sort of preview/audition is required. In that business, a girl with less than a D cup is considered flat! And surgery is not an option. She is almost phobic about "natural-ness" regarding her body---something as ordinary as taking an aspirin tablet is a big deal to her. Several people we've been out with have mentioned implants in passing since I've known her, and each time her reaction was, "Yuk! No way! There's something wrong with a woman who does that to herself!"

 

Anyway, you get the idea. As for tanning, she simply doesn't. She just burns and peels, and is back to snow white. Artificial tanning, I don't know about. Is that like a dye or stain? How natural does it look?

 

Many thanks for not taking any cheap shots at me about the size/performance thing, BTW. In my teen years and after that one disasterous date especially, I considered suicide because of it. It took a long time before I convinced myself that there had to be at least one girl in the world who wouldn't care, and decided to keep going until I found her. And I actually did. Amazing.

 

This whole situation with Sara is so simple (what she wants/needs is so harmless), but so complicated because of how she looks.

 

I thought of maybe inviting a friend of mine over to apartment sometime, a single guy, that she can show herself to. Like for a movie. And let him know in advance what the real reason is? But if he wouldn't want to, it would really be awkward. Also, such a thing might make him feel used instead of him liking it...

 

Anyway, thanks again.

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I have an idea, how about taking her to a nude beach??? In my area, there are two nude beaches and I've been to both. Trust me when I say that EVERYBODY looks ugly at nude beaches. There are no "shadows" to hide any imperfections.

 

This way she can walk about completely naked and not offend anyone!

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I like Tiger Lilies suggestion more than mine!

Besides nude beaches, there are naturist clubs and resorts that are family oriented and she can show her "goods" without offending anyone. Not my bag, but maybe you could propose that. Google "naturism" in your area and see what you find.

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Luciana and tiger_lilies,

 

Thanks much for the suggestions. I mentioned the nude beach idea to Sara and she very much liked it. The only problems are we live in the Midwest, so will only be able to do it on vacations, plus the searching I did said most beaches are not optional clothing, but nudity is required. Most, not all. And while for Sara it might be perfect, for me it would be a nightmare. There is no way whatsoever that MY trunks are coming off! So we'd definitely (me anyway) will make the effort to track down a place where I'll be allowed to accompany her, "trunks on."

 

The naturist club thing has the same problem, but also it doesn't suit the underlying "vibe." Sara's motivation is 100% sexual, while the nude resorts are strictly a healthy living, family oriented thing.

 

For what it's worth, I mentioned/explained having a friend come over as an "observer" yesterday, as an experiment, she immediately said YES!, and last evening he did. The understanding was she'd just wear something a bit see-through, or maybe a quick flash of some kind. And maybe it was hers, too, going in... but she got so excited it went much farther. The excuse was to watch a movie, and after it started, Sara went to the bedroom and changed out of her office clothes, and returned wearing only a short terry robe. I could see she'd left it loosely tied, and when she sat to watch the movie, it pooched open so far that one side of her chest was completely exposed. Mark had noticed the looseness too, so was watching when it happened. I tried to get Sara's attention, but she was in the Zone (or whatever). I'd given Mark a heads-up that she liked doing stuff like that before he came over, so he wasn't surprised by her behavior, but made an involuntary eeeewwwww face at what he saw. He tried to cover it, but what he really thought was clear.

 

I'm sure he'd accepted the invitation expecting that any girl who liked showing herself was more conventionally beautiful.

 

And as I figured would happen, once I saw how excited Sara was getting, she made no attempt to close the robe, either. After a few minutes, she then got up and went to the kitchen, and returned with drinks for us all. And her robe was completely untied. She said later she truly hadn't noticed, and how she just stood in front of Mark with everything showing (she wasn't wearing anything underneath the robe) while she held a beer out to him was an accident. One she enjoyed, but an accident nonetheless. She was smiling in an unmistakable way when she said it, though.

 

Well, after that, Mark avoided looking at me, and only stole an occasional glance at Sara. He was clearly uncomfortable. Then from out of nowhere, she suddenly stopped the movie and said to his him, "You can see what I look like naked all the way if you want!" and without waiting for an answer, she stood up, stepped in front of him and dropped the robe to the floor.

 

He stared for about five seconds, looked back at me, then at Sara again. She seemed delighted. Then he set down his beer and muttered, "I gotta go..." and left.

 

Sara claimed the "accident" had made her so excited she couldn't help it, and my not saying anything when it did meant it was OK for her to do more.

 

We're still talking about it, and my feelings are strongly mixed.

 

She's at the store as I type. I haven't heard from Mark, or tried to call him.

 

Scott

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Scott

 

First of all, I am so impressed with you! You seem like an amazing guy!

 

Maybe you should tell her in a way that makes her feel special. You might tell her that it really turns you on to think that other guys want to see her all the way but don't get to- once they get to see her all the way you get jealous and sad. That you love to play along as long as it doesn't go too far. How sexy it is when she almost shows her body and you can feel the guy craving to see it, but never gets to.

 

You could also make up little games like hiding around the house and watching her, as if you're a stranger. I like the film idea, and the strip club idea.

 

I think you're great for fulfilling her fantasies, but that doesn't mean you have to do everything she wants.

 

Also, warn any friend you invite over that she's not some pin-up babe beforehand, so he's not scared off.

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Hi, Lexicon

 

Thanks for the support. I sure don't feel amazing, though... I'm really surprised how most of the people helping me here are women. I figured in the beginning that guys would probably just get crude, and the women would go into lecture mode about how dirty-thinking Sara was. Not so, though. Thanks again.

 

Well, since my last post, Sara came back, we talked awhile, had sex, 8) and now she's in bed. The focus of her excitement was her wanting to know how much Mark could see last night between her legs, and when I assured her it was a lot, her switch was flipped, and we were off to the races... And for her finale, she opened her legs as far as she could directly at me, and said, "But here's how much I wish he could have seen!" and touched herself until she climaxed. There is NO doubt in my mind that all this actual showing-herself stuff is much more exciting for her than just telling me about it the way she used to.

 

I can tell she is definitely going to want more "visitors." I think the security of being at home let her enjoy herself more, somehow.

 

I understand what you mean about me not having to do everything she wants, but the way I encouraged her back when it was only fantasy disclosure talk, makes that a difficult position to take now. I simply never DREAMED it would ever grow into what it has.

 

So, I imagine I'll be arranging more evenings before long...

 

Which has now got me wondering how to work a "she's no pin-up" warning into an invitation without having it scare guys away so no one accepts. And I'm not even sure WHAT average guys find the most objectionable about her to warn them about, or even if they really DO... as in, maybe they deliberately over react because they think it's un-manly to like a girl that's different looking?

 

If their reaction is legitimate, I suppose it's everything that's "wrong" about her body rolled together. Meaning, girls who are really pale, or have a super huge "outie," (Sara's the biggest I've ever seen on anybody, BTW, not just a thin girl, by like tree times) or have really different-looking breasts---any one of those things---can forget ever becoming a model or a centerfold, so if one has all those things at the same time, it's the whole package nobody likes.

 

Too funny... If they only knew her heart, they'd kill to be me.

 

Anyway, thanks again for all the help. This place is great.

 

Scott

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Or she can go to Howard Stern's and get humiliated....no serious: your wife has a sexual disorder. She needs treatment. Nude beaches and flashing to your friends will not help since she will want bigger and more dangerous thrills.

So my final advice on this is that she (and you) see a sexual therapist.

Good luck, because you seem to genuinely care for her.

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I think your emotional relationship with your wife is great and totally admirable, as is your willingness to be imaginative. However I agree with the last poster- this could go badly wrong and get more and more dangerous.

How do you feel about your friends/ males in general looking at your wife naked? I know you want her to be happy and sexually satisfied but how does it make you feel? Do you think this could lead to her wanting to include other men in sex? I am just concerned about how far this could go and what you might do to keep her (regardless of your own feelings). I agree seeing a sex therapist might be a good idea, they may be able to suggest safer ways to release these fantasies that you could both be happy with.

JZ

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Hello again, all.

 

Sorry for the sudden absense. Trouble with my computer plus an ISP changeover, and a reluctance to use anyone else's for personal stuff like this in the meantime... But all is fixed for now.

 

Catching up on the thread, I hear you loud and clear about how fast this fantasy-realization thing has taken on a life of its own, and the attendant risks and dangers. I've dropped several "conversation openers" to Sara about it in the last two weeks, in fact, but she's brushed them aside with, "But you're always with me... I'd never do anything alone." And try as I might, intention-wise, my mouth simply refuses to work regarding how un-centerfold-looking girls aren't welcome in the average male's sexual worldview. (Thank you, Hugh Hefner.) Both because I truly think she is an incredibly sexy woman; and because I simply can't---won't---risk her interpreting anything I say as me thinking otherwise.

 

So. The stalemate, so to speak, continues in that regard.

 

News-wise, last week we finally did find an all-nude dancing bar far in the country, where a quick up-and-down look by the manager at her with her clothes on was all the "audition" required, and her blazing smile apparently did the rest. She didn't have any sort of costume, but just walked on the stage when it was her turn, and started immediately undressing. Very "low-tech" compared with the other three girls who entered, and what she lacked in flash and dancing ability she tried to make up for by being the, um... the least shy. Without teasing or hesitation, she simply got naked, and started doing stuff that showed everyone what she most wanted to show. It was obvious from her awkwardness that she was one of those housewife/girlfriend types who occasionally (I assume) show up at such clubs simply for the opportunity they afford exhibitionistic girls, and not a serious contender/Vegas showgirl wannabe.

 

How painful was it? Hm. Well, she didn't clear the room literally, but a lot of guys decided to hit the bar or go the the bathroom during her song. And from those who remained to watch her, the comments I overheard from the group sitting in front of me included, "dog tits," "antenna tits," "That's one skinny b*itch!", and, "What the #@$&??? ... is that her belly button???!!!" The overhead lights also make her skin look about ten shades whiter than anything I believed possible; and the ones at the edge of the stage made sure everything was clearly visible when she opened her legs.

 

Afterward, though, when I met her at the dressing room door by the back entrance, none of that mattered at all. She was so excited and thrill-filled that there simply wasn't room for anything negative, and all she wanted to do was get home so we could have sex. And when I thought to ask her for a repeat performance in our bedroom just for me, it turned out to be exactly the right thing to do. I talked to her a little during this show, saying stuff like I'd noticed several guys touching themselves while she was on stage (there might have been, yes?), and how much sexier her natural body looked than the other girls had with their bleached hair, implants, and lamp tans. I even told her that the near-translucent, ultra-pale pink of her nipples and, um, other delicate bodyparts was both prettier and sexier than the tannish brown of the other girls.

 

I musta done good, 8) , because I've never seen her so excited before. Not even close... It was amazing, and absolutely thrilling to me to be able to magnify (distill?) her pleasure with something so simple.

 

Hmmm... I just reread this post, and thought about it before continuing... Conclusions? I guess Sara'; self-esteem is terrible, yes? She obviously enters some sort of self-contained, denial-controlled "alternate world" when displaying herself, because I know that anything I can see and hear, she can too, but I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that it doesn't matter if it doesn't matter... As in, how can I think her unusual sexual needs are any less important than mine, especially when they are caused by physical oddities she has no control over having been born with, and must live with the ret of her life? Just as I must with my body's limitations.

 

(Speaking of which, just for you guys who think Lovew ill pass you by because you're not big enough, or last long enough; I climaxed twice on the drive home from the club, in my pants, and two more times while Sara was re-enacting her dance for me, just into the air. (When I get excited enough, it happens before I'm even halfway hard without anything touching me at all. And if I pinch it off, it resumes within seconds of letting go.) And we still manage to have a wonderful love life.

 

So, I guess that's enough for now. Overly long post, and all that.

 

More later. Thanks very much again for all the help and support. Truly.

 

Scott

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Well... Another weekend gone by, and today I came to a conclusion that requires sharing, given the advice and suggestions I've received here in answer to my "call." Also, for the (considerable) emotional support. From mostly women, no less... !?! (You have no idea how strange that feels, or how unlikely I would have guessed it would be.)

 

The conclusion? That I am not willing to do what most of you recommended, and try to get Sara into counseling. Not because I think it is a bad idea, but because I simply can't bring myself to do it. Try as I might, I cannot see her interpreting such a suggestion as anything but my NOT walking the walk, after talking the talk, and her trust in me taking a torpedo below the waterline as a result.

 

I've spent so much time here recounting her actions, and trying to describe her with words since pictures aren't part of the "forum experience," that I've neglected the emotional part for her. As in, I felt---and still do---priveleged beyond description to have had her confide her fantasies to me in the first place; and then feeling that again to the tenth power when she put it all on the line and asked if she could actually do them. Her insecurity was massive ("Do you really think I'm pretty enough? What about...(etc) And I'm not... (etc)), and the depth of assurance she required from me was massive in proportion. I had a sort of tunnel vision going on that was (I now see) rooted in my own insecurities, and all I could do---all I wanted to do---was let her know her body was indeed as beautiful as her heart and mind.

 

I never thought she'd actually go as far as she did, OR considered what a can of worms that doing exhibitionistic stunts would be for her, but now that she has, and there's no un-doing it, going forward is all that I care about. Meaning her being seen naked proved to be considerably more exciting for her in reality than imagining it was, and trying to put the cows back in the barn now simply isn't what a husband should try to do. It's like she found a magic sex-wand that could give her unprecedented sexual pleasure, and then me taking it away... I simply can't do it. Right or wrong, or prices to pay later just don't matter.

 

I hope that makes sense.

 

I'm aware of the liklihood this conclusion is partly a rationalization based on my unusual "body situation" too, by the way, so there's no need to tell me. All I can offer as rebuttal to some of you normal guys is to trade with me for a week before being too critical.

 

In short, unusual people, like unusual situations, sometimes require unusual solutions. And for now, one has been found that works. For both of us: She finally has the level of sexual pleasure she always dreamed of, and I simply have sex. Of any kind.

 

And finally, I realized after rereading the thread that I never answered Jasminebose's several direct questions about how other men seeing Sara naked makes me feel. The answer is hugely mixed. In the abstract, I'm delighted to have found a mate who is an outrageously sexual person, and try to keep that thought front and center when when she's actually displaying herself. That resolve usually morphs into a cringing feeling before it's over because of most guys' reaction to her "un-centerfold-ness," though. Some of that is because she doesn't tease at all, or even seem to know how to. She just gets naked in a rush through an effort of will, and then enters the Zone and just stands there. The rest is because even though I think she's beautiful, the differences between her body and what most guys like are impossible to ignore, and I know they won't find them attractive.

 

Well, that's about it, I guess. Both for this post and the thread. I came here in a bit of despair, and that's now gone. And Sara both says (and acts like) she's never been happier. The difference in her confidence is amazing. Even though the reception she gets isn't enthusiastic, it doesn't seem to matter. Just knowing she has the strength to reach for what she wants, regardless of what anyone thinks or says (including God---the Catholic thing, remember?) is enough, apparently.

 

Thanks again,

 

Scott

 

P.S. I tried to open a door in her mind regarding the sophistication of her revealing outfits, by showing her some pics of fancier/nicer stuff, but all she did was laugh and say that I didn't get it... that looking insatiable and easy was part of what was exciting, and the more revealing the better.

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Scott, you are quite the husband. I don't know of many men who could honestly be as wonderful as you sound in your posts. You give me hope for myself because the love you speak of for your wife astounds me.

 

Your wife is growing into a sexual creature she has always desired to be. Good for her and her new confidence. I hope that it gets only better from this point on.

Take Care!

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