Such A Mess!!

Ok I met a guy (call him Ben) a few weeks ago. We hit it off really well we talk to each other about anything and everything, we're so comfortable with each other. But when I met him I had someone that I was already getting to know so we decided that friends was the only option. Things didn't work out between me and this other guy, probly because Ben was on my mind and there were alot doubting what I was feeling about the other guy. We were talking online last night and he (Ben) told me that he had met a girl, but didn't have a personal connection with her and that when he is with her he thinks of someone else. Kind of a what if. So being a friend I gave him advice on how I seen the situation. Basically telling him that if he didn't have the personal connection with her then it was a clear indication of what he should do. I told him he should tell his friend how he feels and he said he would as soon as he had told the other girl. We continued to chat for an hour. Then our convo went a little like this

him- you how I was talking about the what if well what if your the what if

him- yeah see.... I should shut hey??

me- yes

me- no... tell me

him- but we both know huh??

me- what?

him- I think its pretty obvious now though

me- hmm....

him- see why I shouldn't have said anything

Anyway fast forward

Him- Ok then.... So....

Him- does this friend have any kind of feelings towards me??

Him- Big Jump, Sorry

me- Whoa

Things got really confusing from there. I have feelings for him but he's dating someone else. And he keeps saying that he owes her a chance. But when he's with her he thinks about me. How does that work. I am so confused and emotional over the whole thing. And so is he and I hate the fact that he is in this situation. We said we were gonna be friends, now it's all complicated.

Any advice please. I'm hurting and i don't know why. How can he owe her a chance if he doesn't have feelings for her? Help me!!

Girl, look out for your own interests. He has feelings for you, you were in a very similar position, and decided to break it off, because you were unsure of your feelings for Ben. Now all Ben needs to know to be sure he is on the right track is THAT YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM. You have to let him know. What he does with the information is completely up to him.

Ok my feelings for him are clear. And they have been all along. I see that now. I told him that I shared his feelings last night. But then he turns and says that he owes her a chance, but that when he's with her now that he thinks about me. He's not the type of guy to hurt anyone and that's what he scared of. I know he doesn't want to hurt anyone. But he needs to figure out what he wants cause it hurt me so bad. I could only imagine what he's going through. But what I really don't understand is why he feels he owes it to her to give her a chance. Why does he feel that way when he said he has no personal connection with her. It's so complicated

Okay, I don't get that whole "owes her a chance" thing..I assume they just started dating recently...the whole point of dating is to determine whether it should go further or not. Dating does not mean it must turn into commitment...I think it would be FAR fairer of him to let her go if he is not so sure about her then to string her along. That is far more respectful and fair then being with her if he is thinking of you.

If he knows how you feel about him, then the ball is in his court I suppose right now...though I must say I don't understand his thought process..why would you get involved with someone heavily as you 'owe them a chance'. People should be with people as they WANT that person!

Sounds like you think he is a great guy, someone who doesn't want to "hurt anyone," but even so, people are looking out for number one. In this case, it seems he's got the best possible situation -- someone to date, and a fallback (you). He might be entirely sincere about his feelings for you, but actions speak louder than words. I'm not saying give him an ultimatum or anything, but you've told him where you stand and now he's got to act. That might take a long time and might not work out in your favor, but in the meantime don't let him string you along. Find other dates cause he hasn't given you any type of committment. If he wants you, he better come get you while he can.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

I was speaking to him last night after work and he said that he has decided to break things off with her, because I'm the one he wants. He feels bad because he knows it's going to hurt her, and I feel bad that he has to do that. But I won't lie and say that I'm relieved. I guess I'm just worried that he'll end up regreting his choice. And I'm really worried that I will lose what we already have. We have an amazing connection, it's so good that it kinda scares me. i've never connected or formed such a bond with someone before. It's weird but amazing.

But like I said Thanks for the advice and views, helped me out a bit.