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Thread: Fiance slapped me with a prenup one month before wedding

  1. #21
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    Have you even read this thing yet?

  2. #22
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    No, so I agree I am jumping the gun and imagining how bad it can be (I know he is very cheap when it comes to me).

    I will have it tonight I guess, and go to a lawyer tomorrow. I will let everyone know the terms here, in summary.

  3. #23
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    what state do you live in Luciana? many states will not honor a prenup at divorce time, my state, wisconsin is one of the states that you can easily get a prenup thrown out for any number of reasons, the biggest one being a violation of the community property state requirements necessary to keep property and assests separate from a marriage... just so you know


    I also agree with what most others have said, Him asking for a prenup is fair, the way he did it is horrible, what he wants from it is ridiculous. The best prenups are the ones that protect both parties equally, ideally you two should have sat down together and wrote the prenup together, then have a meeting with you two and your two lawyers, for clarification and so the lawyers can tell you ramifications of what you are agreeing to. This should not have had to be a painful process.

    I think your guy is bordering on emotional abuse in the way he is handling this, if it were me the wedding would be off.

  4. #24
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    Luciana,

    It really doesn't seem to me that you should be marrying this guy. you appear to have a lot of resentment towards him with regards to the financial issues. You say he is 'very cheap' with you and wants to have total financial control within the relationship. Do you really want spend the rest of your life with a cheapo man who expects you to ask permission every time you buy something?
    I was a student just out of college when I met my husband, he already had the car and the apartment and the savings and does very well and I had absolutely nothing. I think I had about $500 dollars to my name when I arrived here in the states to move in with him. However my husband never even entertained the thought of a prenup despite being cleaned out by his first wife. Do you know why? Because he trusts me! He never would have asked me to marry him if he had any qualms about it working out as his first divorce was so painful.

    Now I know this situation is a bit different as your fiance has a business but I don't think it really bodes well the marriage if it is going to be entered into with feelings of distrust and suspicion. it sounds to me like perhaps you are only staying with this guy and putting up with this because you feel like you can't do any better. You don't seem to have much confidence in yourself as you keep making excuses for his quite inexcusable behaviour.

    To slap you with this pretty much out of the blue a month before your wedding and only give you a day or so to review it to try to hustle you into signing is appalling in my opnion. Okay I understand he wants to protect his future etc but what about yours? Will he have the rights to everything you buy together?

    I would give very careful thought to marrying this person, he gives the impression that he wants this marriage to fail before it has even begun or perhaps he is being unreasonable now because he doesn't want to go through with it and he thinks if he acts like a complete bastard you will call it all off. Why don't you tell him how you feel? Explain to him that this is making you feel very uncomfortable and sad because it seems like he assumes that you will screw him sometime in the future. Ask him why he thinks that if he loves you and wants to marry you.

    Good luck

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  6. #25

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    I have to agree with the poster who said that the number of problems that you have posted about before with this guy would seem to be the key. If he senses that you are as unhappy with him as you have said on a number of occasions that may well explain why he is trying to protect himself, because he may be questioning why you want to be with him if you are unhappy with him as a person other than looking ahead to being compensated for looking after him when he is old.

    For instance: if you have given him the impression that you think he is cheap, he may be worried that after the wedding you will try to make up for his 'cheapness' by spending a lot of money and, if you should decide to divorce him, make up for it even more with a punitive divorce settlement. He may also be noting that you seem more concerned about losing any financial benefits of marriage with him because of the pre-nup than you are about losing him as a lover, companion and husband.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Mun's Avatar
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    Does this man love you? From the way you describe his behavior towards you it seems that he does not. He is not looking out for you, only for himself. That is not the behavior of a man who loves.

    I wonder if he knows his attitude should be insulting to you and that you should want to run, but you don't and so he doesn't trust this. He thinks something is up here and that's why he wants to protect himself.

    He doesn't trust you, and trust is very, very important. Why are you settling?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member shes2smart's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luciana
    No, so I agree I am jumping the gun and imagining how bad it can be (I know he is very cheap when it comes to me).
    Just from personal experience & observation, what I've noticed is people who are stingy with money also tend to be stingy with giving of their time and attention, too.

    Being in a relationship with someone who is stingy when it comes to their time and attention and giving of themselves is a very lonely proposition.

    Are you really sure you want to go through with this?

  9. #28

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    You say you want to be protected. Protected from what? You say you have a job and a salary. Are you thinking about giving up your job and depending on him? BTW, in none of your posts on this thread have you said that you love him.

  10. #29
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    As many posts as I have read on this guy and their relationship, it seems like a fairly bleak one. Isn't this the one where the engagement ring was too small?

    He may have been nervous about the wedding and that's why he failed to do this the right way, but personally I agree that pre nuptial agreements are a wise thing, especially where there are assets and existing children.

  11. #30
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    Here are answers to some of your questions:

    The diamond ring was fake, not diamond but moissanite. I can't complain now because I agreed with having one and think the whole diamond industry is after money.

    ALthough it can seem like I value some financial protection over the man, it is also very clear that he values a bit more money than taking care of me when I am old.

    I got the prenup. It is the most horrible one I have ever seen. I am in shock right now. It is totally one sided. I get NOTHING, ever. Not in 5 years, 20 years or 40 years. I am better off not marrying. He lied to me in front of the therapist. It is so cheap that every paragraph is him screwing me over and over. I don't know how his lawyer let him do this.

    The wedding will be postponed no doubt, if we are to reach a compromise. It wil be difficult to reach any compromise with such a NOTHING prenup. I now have to think of life without him. It will be very hard, but I have to do it. Seven years lost.
    I just don't kill myself because I have 2 daughters.

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