:( Need to vent!

I just feel so emotional. All i want to do is cry, I don't know why but things in my life always end up more complicated then they need to be. It could be because I make them that way. All I want is to be happy for once, I haven't been happy for as long as I can remember. In actual fact I don't remember ever being happy. Inside I am so sad and so alone. I shut people out of my life and I walk away from things when everything starts to look up for me. I must be destined to be unhappy. I don't understand. When ever there something good is goin my way I always manage to find a negative. Which drags me down lower than I was before. I'm so tired of being me!. I guess this is all coming out cause I've had a really tough week, and then sitting down at dinner with my family made me realise alot of things that I have missed out on and am still missing out on, because my family always comes first. I try so hard to put myself first sometimes but when I do my family always says that I care about no one else but myself. I have given up so much for them growing up and they don't appreciate it. They don't understand what it's done to me on the inside. I hide away from everyone because I can't be what everyone wants me to be. And I'm so tired of trying it all the time. Of being the one person that listens to eveyone else's problems, of being there when someone needs something. My family seem to think that because I'm still single that I'm weird, but little do they know that they are part of the problem. That them passing judgement on me, makes me feel like s**t! and so worthless that no guy would ever want me. I feel so alone!! I feel like i'm slowly and painfully dying inside!!!!

I just needed to vent!!!!!!!!

SORRY!

Aww, sounds like you are having a really tough time. Well first, I know exactly how you feel. I felt like I never been happy before either, I was in the same state of mind. But check this out, you make choices in your life to make yourself happy or make yourself not. I understand that family is big importance, by far. But so is your individuality. The best thing for you to do is have a serious talk with you parents.

Let them know how you feel and try to communicate in the way to tell them that you are there for them but you feel trapped inside.

I shut people out of my life and I walk away from things when everything starts to look up for me. I must be destined to be unhappy

Understand that YOU are the one shutting people out of your life and walking away. You are making the choice to do that and now you are being sad and lonely because of it. You can change it!!! Make better choices that will benefit you!

And about people always being there for other people's problems and being there when someone needs something. This isn't a bad attribute but it should be the same in return. If it's not, explain to your friend (or whoever they are) that you are not comfortable because you feel like you can't go to them for the same help. If that doesn't help then try looking for new friends.

I have also felt the same way. I used to be a very negative person. But I don't want to tell you a fairy tale and say I'm not anymore. I still see the negative, but I try with my life to see the good side. It's really hard sometimes, but if you start to, it gets alittle easier. When I am having a bad day, or week, there's almost no way to make me see the bright side. You just gotta have something you like to do, and do it. I like to drive around when I'm upset, but my car is broken, that's my down side, I have been trapped inside my house with my family, who for a very long time now I have not been getting along with, that's another downside. But I went for a walk last nite, although it's hotter than hell here, another downside, but it helped to clear my mind. You just have to realize there are always bad sides, and you are always going to see them. Just accept it and take it as it comes, and know that you can make it through.

~Anything that doesn't kill you only makes you stronger~