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Thread: I am really scared! I need to tell this to someone.

  1. #1
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    I am really scared! I need to tell this to someone.

    I need to know if this is a problem or not. Tonight my boyfriend told me that he fantasizes about rape. Including raping me. He told me that since I won't have sex with him (we've been together a little more than a year) he told me that he is reduced to thinking about raping me and cheating on me or leaving me to get it (he has never done any of those things though- just thought about them). He even told me that he thought about marrying me to have sex with me! (I have told him since the beginning that I won't have sex before marriage). He said that he wasn't trying to make me feel bad, but then he started saying stuff like how he should have just gotten all the sex he wanted out of his system before he met me, since he had so many chances before *I* came along, making me feel like I'm not as good as his other girlfriends!

    I was crying when he told me, then he sounded disgusted with me that I was reacting at all. He didn't think it was a big deal, just because he had never done those things- just thought them. Am I overreacting? I mean, they are just thoughts, but still. I don't like being told that my boyfriend has thought about raping me. We got off the phone like normal. I had to convince him I was okay, because if I ever mention wanting to break up he goes crazy. He has never hit me (or even been verbally abusive) but he told me that if I left him he would be capable of anything, because I am the only thing that means anything to him, supposedly. And he says stuff like "violence is the only way to deal with certain people". And the idea of rape turns him on because he likes to think about "getting what he wants". I am so terrified. I can't break up with him. It's not even an option. I do not know what he is capable of anymore. There's no one to turn to.

    Do you guys think his words could turn into actions? He has never been violent with me- EVER. But sometimes when we are making out he throws me down on the bed and pins me down (he left a bruise once). And when we are just normally kissing, he holds my head really hard and won't let me pull away. I thought all of this was just normal until now! I am so scared. Is it normal, do you think? The more scary he becomes, the more some pathetic part of me needs him and loves him! I don't know where to turn anymore! I just need to get this off my chest before I explode!

  2. #2
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    two words: leave him.

    you may love him but he seems to be preparing himself or you, or both of you, for an eventuality that stems from his sexual frustration. make sure that you have friends that you'll always be around for a while, for support in numbers and protection from him maybe.... there's other and better advice, but i think the most important thing is--to resolve yourself to leave him. you may even want your family to be aware of this... think about it, before you tell them, but i definitely think this guy is a little too wacko. unless you were really into that (in which case you would have had sex by now)...

  3. #3
    Gold Member DragonGirl724's Avatar
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    all i have to say is that Actions are Thoughts acted out......

    did you ever hear of:

    premeditated homicide...
    premeditated rape...
    premeditated assault...

    THEY ALL STARTED OUT AS THOUGHTS THEN ACTED OUT!!!

    HELLO!!!!!!!!!! RED FLAG!!! BAIL OUT OF THIS!!! HES WARNING YOU WHETHER OR NOT HE EVEN KNOWS IT!!

    you hold your sexuality sacred, he views it as animalistic behavior. 2 different creatures! get out while you can!!!! so many victims wished they had a heads up before they got attacked...YOU JUST MIGHT HAVE THAT 'HEADS UP'!! youre a fool if you ignore it!!

    i wouldnt risk it. he sounds like a creep. does he come from an abusive backround? he is threatening you with rape and cheating if you dont 'put out'! MY GOD, LEAVE HIM!!! GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU CAN! before something aweful happens!

    it may or may not happen. but your life is not worth the risk for this ***HOLE!!!

    HES DANGEROUS!!!!!!!

    -DG724

  4. #4
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    please leave him before his "thoughts" turn into reality... which they will. It's just a matter of how long will it take? Do you want to put yourself through this? I hope you think more of yourself than to stay with this man who wants your virginity and not your heart.. this isn't a man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

    Hurry before you get hurt. leave.

    God bless

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  6. #5
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    it's not just a desire for her virginity.

    rape is about power. objectifying, terrifying, and basically making someone else less than human, treating them like a tool.


    girl, you've got to leave. be careful, don't panic, get support from family first, and some select friends that you can trust. but yes, leave him, and maybe even suggest to him or even your school counselor, that he needs some psychological/moral evaluation...

    anyway... most important, prepare yourself mentally and emotionally to leave him... It will be tough, but it will be the best thing you can do for yourself, if you value your life.

  7. #6
    Gold Member DragonGirl724's Avatar
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    i really hope you take in what people are sayin to you here....dont fall blind to the obvious.

    -DG724

  8. 06-07-2005, 04:22 AM

  9. 06-07-2005, 04:38 AM

  10. #7
    Gold Member kuhl282000's Avatar
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    Hello

    This guy has a serious problem, run like the wind. And suggest he gets some professional help.

    You don't need this in your life !

    Warm Regards

    Kuhl

    8)

  11. #8
    Member pizzachick13's Avatar
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    get out now!

    if he's already somewhat violent to you then he'll just get worse... if you don't leave now you'll never be able to tell yourself to and i suggest perhaps getting a lot of friends and family around you when you tell him you're leaving... just to be on the safe side.

    good luck

    Sappho

  12. #9

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    And he says stuff like "violence is the only way to deal with certain people". ,------------------- was he talking about bullies, people who are threatening, warfare or was he talking about you in the conversation????

    Either way break up with him over the phone, tell family a few friends, and stay awaaaaaaaaaaaaay from this guy. He has serious emotional issues and sounds very dangerous.

  13. #10
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Yes, please, listen to what everyone else said and RUUUNNN!!!!

    I had a bf back in high school for 1 year, and we never had sex. I wasn't ready. He never said anything like that, even remotely to me!!!! Instead, what he did was tell me that he wasn't happy with our relationship, and he broke up with me for someone else. My ex is a saint compared you your bf!

    Like the others have said, rape isn't about sex, it's about power. He wants to exert power over you.

    Get out now!!!! Good luck.

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