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Diary of a recovering exboyfriend


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Yep, it's gotten kind of lonely out here.

 

My update (if anyone can stand to hear more from me): I've been a lot better since perseverance set me straight. I think I needed to have the relapse a few weeks ago--it moved me forward, once I pulled myself together. (Although one can't control one's unconscious--I just woke up from a dream that the ex dumped his gf and was slotting me back in immediately. To my credit, I wasn't necessarily going along with it.)

 

I seem to be less hyped up about getting together with someone than I was. I have made several friends through the dating process, so now I have a standing "dinner and Scrabble" night with one of them and may do a business deal with another. I'm still dating (have a coffee date in about an hour, in fact), but there's no urgency coming from me these days. The new ex and I had dinner last week--it was great to see him, there was a lot of affection between us, and he's suggested we get together again. We'll see how that goes. I have no expectations of any sort there--I just like the guy and I know he likes me, even if we're probably not suited for each other as partners.

 

Perseverance--I'd love to hear how things are going for you and your gal. And rion and sadie, where are you guys? We miss you!!

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Well good to hear from you ediefy. You know, it sounds like youre on the right track again. The best advice someone can give is that you have to just go with the flow and not look for a partner...let it appen...most of the time thats not how it is, but it mainly means we have to just be ourselves and not be so impatient in the search for love ya know.

 

As for Jenn and I, things are great. Every week or two I have to stop and ask her a few questions...shes a real stickler about holding her thoughts and emotions in. She dated a guy on and off for almost ten years. This guy cheated on her numerous times, and she still went back to him....he told her how to act, told her what to do....totally whiped her all over the ground. She has changed that attitude for sure, I never saw her as a weak minded indiidual, but I guess her thoughts changed with him because she loved him....silly isnt it.

 

Well she tells me she feels really nervous around me sometimes and dont know why. Sometimes I feel that way around her too. Have you ever been that way with someone sexually...that they may turn you on so much, that you kind of psyche yourself out hoping you perform as well as the last person did....sometimes that goes through a persons head so much it makes you shake...LOL. Id say it happened with me twice now...she tells me she likes me so much, shes afraid things will turn out like they did with her last long term boyfriend....so she just keeps it to herself. Im too much of an honest and open person to let things go unsaid. So we got all that out in the open together, and things couldnt be better. I truly see myself with this woman for a long time! But I still lie reserved because I dont want th ings to backfire again...thats not the best way to handle it,....but itll wear off after awhile.

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