Diary of a recovering exboyfriend

I think I'm going to start a diary on here. Share my story of recovery and see what everyone has to say about it.

Today friends was a bad day. I feel so down and out right now. Just one of those days where everything feels dead. I talked to the ex this morning and had another small break down. Hopes rise and slam back down yet again. I started feeling okay for a while, but it seems every time I crawl out of this hole a fall back in. It seems as though I'll never get back out.

I was very cold to the ex today. She thinks I was mad at her, but I was just trying not to let her see me cry again. She passed my car and signaled to call her. Like a fool I did. She thinks I'm being selfish, and I am. I want things to go my way for once. Ever since the breakup everything has gone her way. I finally hit the point where I'm trying to get that for myself and now I'm selfish.

Damn me to hell, but I still love her despite everything. I wonder how you can know somebody cares and loves you more than anybody may ever and yet not give a care about it. She says she cares about me, but this is the first time she's bothered to talk to me about what's bothering me. She never calls me. Nobody ever calls me. It's hard to feel okay when nobody seems to care if you feel okay or not.

Really I just wonder when things will start to look up for me.

writing is a grat form of healing... keep a private journal as well, any old notebook will do. I have several journals, and i journaled while married right through my divorce. As much as i resisted the whole ordeal i went back to my journals and was astonished to found what i had written long before we ended things. It helped me so much to get where i am today, single (lol), but feeling better about it each day.

I still care very much for this woman, and i tell her... showing her now is difficult, her mind made up that we were such a mistake and all, but i am not ashamed to hold the feelings i have for her.

Anyway definitely keep a journal, online and off.

Riom,

I find it very useful to keep my journal online (because my handwriting is a nightmare). Anyhow, a great resource is link removed. You can even password protect it so that nobody else can read it. It's convenient, because you can log on from anywhere and write away. If you want to, you can also invite people to view your thoughts and even comment on them. There are also many other options, so check it out if you get a chance. Best of all, it's free.

As for dealing with your ex, it would be healthy for you to stop contact with her for right now. Later down the road, you can contact her again. This would be a good idea because you would be more psychologically healed and in less pain. We all need to take some time away after a breakup to heal up. As a result, we become more psychologically fit for the next person we deal with, whether it be our ex or someone new. Good luck.

Well, I'm heading into the weekend feeling better. It took a little time tonight, but I am feeling better.

I'm not sure what I'm doing tonight, but I won't be at home crying. I will hit the clubs, pub, pool, gym. Anything to keep from staying home.

I will not talk to the ex after she picks our son up. All this does is leave me wishing things were the way they were before.

I will have fun, but will not get a hangover... like last weekend.

I will not think about the ex at all.

I will say a prayer for everybody on here with a broken heart.

Thank you all.

I wonder how you can know somebody cares and loves you more than anybody may ever and yet not give a care about it.

That same questions often goes through my mind when reflecting back on my recent break up and even pas breaks ups......If had the answer to that one I'd package it and sell it!

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, when you've eexhausted all other options and avenues that's the only way.

You keep falling back into your hole because you keep talking to her. Have some dignity dude and don't pickup the fargen phone when she calls .. darn!!!!

The dreams are returning. No longer nightmares in the traditional sense, there aren't monsters under the bed, no boogeymen in the closets, shadows don't scare me and creaks don't jostle the fear out of me. I dreamed of the ex las night, and her new BF. Very strange, but maybe it was the alcohol mixed with the yearning for someone to hold as a I fall asleep at night.

The first dream was the ex's new BF helping me move out of a room in a very large house. He wasn't being nice exactly, but not rude either. And I was taking all without a hint of anger or jealousy. Kind of relieving I suppose. Maybe a sign of moving on. Then I woke up.

When I slept again a little while later the dream was of the ex. Let me say I rarely, if ever, dream about sex anymore. I just don't. But last night I dreamed of sex with the ex. All the old feelings were there. I awoke with a deep feeling of yearning. I don't know why I would dream of her, which I rarely have in many years of being together, and especially of sex with her. It was quite painful, like a hangover after a long night of drinking at the bar. The night was a hell of a lot of fun, but the next morning.... not so much.

SO we talked this morning and I was asking to come over to see our son, and her. I don't even try to hide the fact of that, because what could that do? I don't want to lie to her much less myself. The new bf was still over, after spending the night. I have come to accept this little portion of things. If it was me I would have the new GF over as well. I got very angry though. I went off on her about MY feelings. Why should I deserve to be treated this way? What did I do to lose a friend? How can she say I am a friend if she never wants to talk or see me? Why can't she call to see if I'm okay? Why can't anybody call to see if I'm okay? Nobody does. I know it's not true, but it's really hard to feel like anybody gives a damn.

That's the loneliness talking, I know. It's hard to keep it from coming out though.

More on last night. I went with some friends to a church picnic. I had a few beers. I experienced a full on woody totally by accident by standing to close to my friend, who is a girl, and being accidentally brushed in regions that haven't seen the touch of a woman in months. And before you say anything, she's married, and yes it was definitely an accident. I was there with my friend, her friend(an old acquaintance from HIgh School), and her sister. One's married, one's committed, and one's more than likely not interested in anything to do with me, not even a casual friendship. Her sister is nice, mind you, and very cute, but we go back to high school together. She's 22 and I was like " What! That's not possible. You're younger than that!" I guess I'll always see people I knew in school as the same age they were.

We then went to sing karaoke, which I regretfully declined as I sound like a cat being swung around by it's tail and dropped into a wood chipper. I apologize for the visual on that one. I did have a good time, and was asking the sister if she'd like to go out sometime, just me and her. Of course not like that. I asked what was going on next weekend, and she has plans. As I will likely not see this girl in another 2 or so years, that's how long it's been since I saw her last, I doubt anything will come of that.

And now on to tonight. Tonight I hit the pub with the girl from work. Mind out of the gutters people, she has a boyfriend. But inside I wonder this: If she has a boyfriend why would she agree to go out with another guy, even if it's on a friendly meeting after work? Could there be some interest there? I'm not certainly not trying to be a homewrecker, but what if she is interested in such a way? Am I just getting my hopes up to yet again have them dashed? I don't know the answer to these questions, but I do know I feel pretty good today, and am looking forward to tonight. Maybe she'll bring some cute single friends, as I suggested when we cemented the plans for the night.

Well, I think that's enough for today. Some days I feel like I could keep going on forever. There are so many puzzles in my life right now. So much pain. But I have learned humans are amazing animals, capable of VERY amazing things when we are forced to be.

Excelsior!!!

Well, last night was good and bad.

The good was that I had a good time with my friends. I'm glad I called them and they showed up.

The bad was that the girl from work never showed. It wasn't a real date but still, quite annoying. Unfortunately I also gave in to despair again. I can't help when I'm out having a good time wishing the ex was there too.

I cried some, and my friends were supportive, but I feel like I ruined a portion of the night. I just feel so alone these days. Even when nothing in particular is bothering me I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. I want to feel someone's love again. I miss having my ex in my life, and I'm in a hurry for a rebound, but I want someone to WANT to spend time with me. To WANT to hold my hand, hug me, kiss me.... Just to be there.

I have made much progress but it's slowed down again. I just want to feel okay. Is that really too much to want?

I argued with the ex again today. I can't help myself. She knows when something's bothering me. I told her it was her not wanting to see me ever. Wanting to be friends and not acting like it. Blaming me for not allowing us to friends when she doesn't answer the phone or want to hang out with me long enough to smoke a cigarette.

And yet, despite all this, I still love and miss her, yearning to be in her arms. I wouldn't take this stuff from anybody else, so why do I from her? Again I'm amazed by how the human mind works. We can achieve many things, and be dragged down into the pits of despair in an instant. All the progress we can make can be swept away with one moment of longing.

I'm a little worried about my lifestyle now as well. I drink all weekend, my appetite is going away, and I'm broke almost all the time.

I was living at the top, but baby it's a long drop to the bottom.

hey pal,

sympathies, truly.

wait'll you drink all week

and the bottom is further than you think... but maybe it kinda has to be in order to force us to a resolution.

enough dime store mysticism.

just be sad and take care.

I'm much better today. I picked up my son and when the ex came by we had dinner. It was all good. We talked as friends. Of course I still keep thinking about the past, but it's not as consuming as it was. I do mss her still, I won't lie about that, but it's getting easier. I still hope for a reconciliation, but I'm not counting on it to happen.

I really did have a good time with her tonight. I just want to be okay with things. She can see the pain, I'm sure, but she can also see how hard I'm trying. I'm glad she's happy. I pray for her and my son's happiness and safety everyday. So far those prayers have been answered. The other side of them haven't been fully realized yet, but I know God is testing me for some reason. I have yet to understand the message I'm supposed to be getting, but I know in time I will.

I keep talking on here about finding a new girlfriend. I know it would be a rebound. What I'm really looking for is a replacement, and I won't find that. I want the person to be the same as my ex. To make me feel the same. To love me. But I know this is also all just a product of my loneliness. It would be wrong to expect a serious relationship at this point, and I'm really not. I just want to find somebody that can help me forget the ex. To show me that it's not the end of the world, and I won't be alone forever. To show I am okay, and worthy of love. That I'm not a loser, like I feel right now.

Like all of us I want to feel wanted, needed, and loved again.

Maybe that's the lesson I'm supposed to be learning. I don't need spmebody else to make me feel good. My life single isn't a bad thing. And that I will love and be loved again, and maybe this time it will be forever. I hope this is all true.

Thanks again to you all.

I'm kinda going through the same thing as you right now. I've thought about rebounds, but I want to prove to myself I can be happy as an individual, and stand on my own two feet. I don't want to need someone to be happy, and I dont want to feel that I need to be loved and wanted to be happy. I managed it before - and I want to manage it now.

I think you're doing well, although perhaps you could stop talking to your ex quite so much. It'd stop some of the arguments for sure. The reason she's probably avoiding you is because she realises how much she's hurt you, and doesnt want to be reminded of it.

Today was a so-so day.

I woke up thinking about the ex, the love I have for her, and the current situation. But I didn't cry. Thank god I didn't cry. That alone is such a blessing these days.

The ex came and we talked briefly befoe she left. Idle chitchat. "How was your Day".. etc.

At the the end of the conversation I mentioned how I won't have anything to do on my two week vacation, coming up in about 16 days. She said I should look for a new job, and I said I am. Nothing is turning up and it's very aggravating. "Same old you" she said. I wanted to punch her in the face. I don't make comments anymore. I keep my mouth shut, but she has such a double standard it makes me sick.

Then I remembered why I have that two weel vacation in the first place. OUr 8 yar anniversary is the 28th. We were planning a wedding for that time too. Expect to hear more of this sob story on that day in particular. I'm trying to come up with things to do, but I don't know what. I had planned a trip to Philly but it won't happen now. The things I look forward too always seem to fall through these days. And all I get is a "Same old you. You'll never change."

Much better day today. Nothing of any consequence happened today.

I went swimming today. I haven't done that in a long time. Years, in fact. This week has gotten better as it went along. I'm still a little bitter the girl from work never showed up on Saturday, but oh well. She got fired so I'll never have to see her again. Maybe she'll call. Likely not, but what does it matter?

I woke thinking of the ex today, which I'm sure is because I dreamed of her last night. I can't remember most of it but I do remember she was missing her front teeth. Kind of weird. Anybody that knows about dreams feel free to comment on what this could mean.

We spoke very briefly.

My son is staying overnight on Friday, and I'm looking forward to it. I miss him waking me up at around 6:00 AM on Saturdays. He'd just stare at me, maybe shake me a little, and say "Get up Daddyyyyy!" Drawing out the end as long as possible. It used annoy me somewhat because I was so tired after the week. Now I wish for that everyday. I miss seeing him as much as I used to. That's definitely the worst part of the breakup.

Say a prayer for me guys. I saybone everyday, but I figure the more people that think about me and want to help the better. I would appreciate it more than you can imagine.

I will come back to this board one day and be stronger than ever, happier than ever, and more thankful than ever. This I promise you all, and especially myself.

Thanks again for all the support.

Another good day. Didn't feel depressed or sad today. Saw the ex and things were okay, except that my car broke down.

Today would have been a great day but for the car breaking down. I don't have massive money problems, but this puts a strin on things. This upset me a bit today. My ex tells me that I keep acting like a victim, but it's hard not to when that's exactly how you feel, you know? This is the first weekend I'm really feeling good about in a while. Nothing to really get me down, and now this. I make a few steps forward in my emotional state and something knocks me back down. Sure, she has problems too, but she has people to help. Money? Mom can help her. Emotional? The new bf is there for her, she doesn't even bother calling me who understands her more than anybody else. Sadness? She has plenty of shoulders to cry on, and I have none. She acts like I should just knoe that she's having a rough time, but never talks to me about anything. I'm not a mind reader, after all.

I'm talking to a girl online who seems nice. Maybe that can go somewhere. We have a lot in common, and that's good. Then again, maybe I'm getting my hopes up too much, like I seem to do a lot. Can't even go out this weekend to keep my mind off of tings. Damn car. Maybe it will be fixed tomorrow and not cost much.

I said a prayer for everybody on here that's having difficulties and helps me with mine. I hope some of those good thoughts make your lives go a little further. If not, then at least know someone is thinking of you all.

The car is fixed, so I'm feeling pretty good.

My son stayed the night with me last night and it was great. We lay on the couch watching The Incredibles, and it brought back many memories of every night we did that at the house me and my ex bought. I cried a little bit over that, but more happy tears for getting that old feeling back. I miss the little guy so much on the weekends. It makes me want to do that every night. On the negative side of it he wet the bed with me in it! I don't mind really, it just makes me laugh and wonder what life would be like if none of us ever got pottie trained. It's amazing we can learn to control our bodies so well that we don't wizz all over ourselves in the middle of the night. We don't even have to think about controlling it.

On the bad side I dreamed of the ex again. Twice really. The first dream was of us, me, the ex, and our son, together and on some kind of picnic. everybody was happy until we left. I was taken to some form of mental asylum or jail. Heavily armed guards presided over the goodbye hugs, kisses, and I love yous. At that point I awoke, and a little distressed to boot.

I finally fell back asleep and the dream essentially continued. I was in the asylum/jail surrounded by heavily armed guards. I think it was some kind of hearing, maybe. It felt that way anyhow. An unidentified man entered and spoke. I don't remember what he said, but I know when he was leaving that he was looking for my son and ex, and not just to say hello. I was certain his intentions had a much more evil lean. After that point I raged toward the man, screaming and fighting my bonds, and finally getting a weapon from one of the guards. Despite my amazing luck of not getting shot in any way the man escaped my grasp and was on his way to kill my family. I awoke again at this point, distressed once more. It was 3 AM and I've been up ever since.

I always wonder what these dreams mean. Surely it's my subconscious screaming out, but is it some sort of feedback on my life or the just the ramblings of a mentally ill man on the street. In these types of dreams I would prefer the latter.

I did my laundry today. This seems insignificant, but it was the first time I ever visited the laundromat since moving out. This is pretty sad, really, because I haven't washed my clothes in weeks. I don't feel I would be welcome at the ex's house to wash them anymore, and I don't know if I'm truly ready myself. The last few times I was in the house I had to look at the couch, loveseat, bed, hell floor even, and know that the odds were extremely good that the ex and her new bf had sex in each location. It was hard sitting on that couch the last time. She knew it too. I never could hide anything from her.

I am getting better, I can feel it. I can also feel that the progress is still not increasing in velocity. Slow and not so steady rule the day in my recovery.

As always thank you all, and hope my prayers canbring some good in all of your lives.

my sympathies, for sure...

I know how you feel...trust me...

Those initial months are so lonely. We feel so bad, so sad, and also, our self-esteem is shot...

You mentioned finding someone else right away. My advice is don't work too hard at that-sounds to me like you are in no position to give right now to another, so it's not fair. I made that mistake, went right out and slept with a girl from work and met others and dated and slept with others, and each time I would break it off because they were not my ex.

There is no replacing them until we heal...

I personally have decided to stop dating, and it is a year since my break-up. I just still am not sufficiently over the ex. And it's not fair to the others that we see. You know, with hinsight, at least two of those girls would have been girls that would normally thrill me...I just wasn't and aren't ready...

beyond all that, don't over-analyze the dreams. They are there, they wake you and you feel terrible, as I did, and still occasionally do. Then you just have to go about your day, and try to forget.

Other advice-let her go. You are doing nothing to bring her closer, and in fact I would imagine you are pushing her away. You need other outlets than her to tell how you feel...this forum is one, counseling is always an option, grief groups at Church. Find another outlet-your ex frankly does not sound like she is receptive to it.

Good luck and yes you do have my prayers...throw one my way as well if you don't mind Michael

I am becoming more convinced that my ex doesn't care about me at all any more. You'd think after 8 years she would, but I think not.

I am speaking to a girl online still. She seems nice. I am looking for friends more than anything else, but who knows, right? I still don't want to jump into anything head first. That's always a bad idea, methinks.

Today was a little upsetting, but I'm fine now. The adjustment period is not quite over yet. I can feel the sand slipping through the hourglass, though. Every day I'm upset it lasts a little less. That's a good sign right?

I AM going to Philadelphia. By myself or with friends. God willing I'll make it there and back again. I decided this because I need an adventure. I haven't done anything even slightly adventurous in years. I think it'll be a blast, and if not then at least I got out of town for a little bit.

Father's Day is coming up next week, and I'm wondering what the ex will get me. She doesn't have to get anything, but I still wonder.

The anniversary is coming up soon. Is it bad to hope that she gets upset? Cries? Rethinks her current situation? Maybe not bad, but definitely destructive to my recovery.

My God I still miss her so much.

I can tell you do. Anyone that reads your words can tell. You are in pain, and I wish there was something I could write to make it easier for you...

It is a pain that strikes so deep as to not be believed. The kind that can bring a strong man to his knees, literally. Can bring a seemingly indestructable man to tears at the memories brought by a song, a smell, a place, or a time. And my friend, I have been through several break-ups in the past, including a divorce, but none have brought me to my knees, as the last one did, so I know how you feel...

In the past year I have learned so many things-on how to deal with what I dealt with and what you are dealing with now. I wish there was an easy answer for you-an easy solution. But there isn't. The best advice I can offer you is to embrace the pain, accept it-write and vent on here as you have been doing, talk to friends and family, write in a journal, focus on yourself, hobbies, exercise, making new friends-all things I am sure you have read before or others have told you. My point is that the truth of the matter is that it is going to hurt like absolute hell for a while. You very well might circle the wagons for a while and just be sad and not want to go out. You might see this girl online that you have met and it could be great or it could be miserable. You will have to learn that for yourself. I can tell you from experience that it didn't work for me. But it might for you.

The biggest thing I can tell you right now is that whatever emotions you go through, whatever sleep you lose, whatever dreams you have, whatever weight you lose, however many tears you shed-don't worry. It is normal. Of course everything is in relative terms...if you are sleepless for days on end and lose 30 pounds or suicidal, or dream of murdering the ex, then of course that is not normal-and in fact if any of those things happen I would ask you to get to counselling.. But don't worry if your life seems out of control for the time being. Everyone on here has felt that way at one time or another. Just do your best to keep the priorities straight. Don't let work suffer. Think ahead 5 years from now and see the things that you want to keep with you-yourself, your health, your friends, your family, your place, your dog, your cat, your fish, your hair ( ), and focus on those things. Just try to keep in mind that the love you gained with this girl didn't happen in one night, one day, one hour, and it is not going to go away that soon either.

It's a long, very hard road. Lonely. Sucks out loud. You can gain a measure of solace from folks on here and from friends and family and even from just stupid nights out, dates (but be careful there, sometimes they end up hurting worse if you are not ready), books, God, prayer, hobbies, exercise, community service-well, the list of distractions is almost endless. But the hard truth is that nothing will truly ease the pain. The distractions will help, to be sure, but as I said, you are in it for the long haul.

Embrace it and accept it. Deal with it in the most productive way you can manage. And know that there are very many people that care, and that you are not alone in this...my prayers...Michael

there's no easy answer for what you're going through. the pain is incredible. it's goota be close to what cancer patients experience.

Today was another decent day. Not really good but also not particularly bad.

I went to the pool with my son today. It was fun. He's scared of the water, so he clung to me really badly. He did not, however, want to get out. Kids are so amazing. Here's my theory on children: If you want to make the world a better place help your kids to be better people than you are. I think I'm doing pretty good on that part of it. I hope I am.

Well, I got to go to the old homestead today. Translation: The ex's house. I needed to use the computer and she allowed me over to do so. She was a little edggy with me so asked what's wrong. She spewed out several things, the most major being that today is the anniversary of her father's death. He was never around but it's always been a sore spot for her. I said"You know you can talk to me right? I know you better than anybody else in the world." She didn't really respond. That hurts a lot. I feel I could talk to her about anything, yet she never wants to talk to me. It's always such a hassle for her to have to even look at me, it seems. What the hell did I do wrong? Nothing, and I know because I've asked her. She said I was wonderful most of the time, and paid me the best complement I ever have and likely shall receive. She said "I always knew if you lined me up with the most beautiful women in the world you would always choose me over every one of them." Thinking about it now makes me want to cry....

The best part of the day was as I was leaving. I was heading for the door when there was a knock. I knew it was the new bf, but luckily I had to get my keys upstairs. She was like " You can open it, you know." I know that, but I didn't want to. I grabbed my keys and walked downstairs. They were talking briefly off to the side and he didn't realize I was leaving. I said Adios and walked out, closing the door before he finish saying "How's it---". I imagine she'll have something to say about that, but so will I.

"What was I supposed to do? Say hello and shake hands, shoot the breeze for a bit with the guy that stole my life away from me? Lie to his face and to myself as well? Do you know how hard it would be for me to not say something mean? To not punch him in the face? DO you really think I could have been okay? That's why I don't come over when he's there, beside the fact you don't ever want me there to begin with."

I'm sure I could go on like that all day, but you get the idea.

I'm getting used to the pain now. It's becoming numb, like the rest of me. I spend my days alone in front of the TV playing video games or watching movies I've seen a million times already. I'm becoming slothful, I can see it. I don't like this but I'm so tired all the time I can't make myself do anything. It's a little worrying. I think I'm also not used to not feeling hurt all the day. It became such a big part of me for a while I think I'll miss it a bit when it's gone. At least I could count on things being steady when I was hurt all the time.

I am getting better still. Thank you all again.

I'll pray for you all as I always do. I hope this brings some good things your way.

I awoke this morning feeling bad. I dreamed of the ex. I can't remember what it was about but it certainly wasn't pleasant. It doesn't help I sleep on an air mattress and it was getting low. This leads to aches and pains all over. Not fun.

I talked to this girl online today through IM. She is really nice, and she loves Labrynth. We seem to have a bit in common. I'm going to try and see if she wants to meetup this weekend. I know what you guys are thinking, and I only want to meet someone new that shares interests and have a fun time.

I didn't cry today. It was a pretty good day.

Thank you all. You're all in my prayers.

I went swimming today and I think the life guard may have been checking me out. Then again, I'm not that great a swimmer so maybe she thought I was drowning on several occasions. She always smiles when she sees me coming, but my son is with me and he's cute as a button, so maybe that's it. Wow... I think I just realised I might have a self-esteem problem. Heh.

The ex caused me no distress today.

Anybody in Philly that can recommend a good cheesesteak let me know. I need to start planning the upcoming trip. I'm really glad I've decided to go with or without people joining me. I need this trip more than anything else, I think. The ex thinks I shouldn't go alone just in case something bad happens. My first thought was Why should you care? That's a bit harsh, I know, but when she finally shows some sign of giving a crap I always wonder why she bothers.

I'm hoping the girl I'm talking to on okcupid will want to meet this weekend. We both have compatability tests on there, and each scored high on the other's. It's funny, I know what she answered because I added up the points, and one question was "Did you see my profile? Did you like what you saw?" And I know becuase of her total score that she chose the answer, "Yes, and you're cute too". That felt good to know. A bit of a minor ego boost I suppose. But then again, that's what I need every now and then to feel okay with things.

Thanks again, and you're all in my prayers.

I was just wondering, how many people check this every day? I see a lot of people read it, but is it more one time readers, or fans of the Rion Show? Heh.

I wonder how you can know somebody cares and loves you more than anybody may ever and yet not give a care about it.

 

That same questions often goes through my mind when reflecting back on my recent break up and even pas breaks ups......If had the answer to that one I'd package it and sell it!

 

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, when you've eexhausted all other options and avenues that's the only way.

i think the answer is they just are following what makes them feel happy, whats happy for you isnt happy for everyone, sometimes we just have to deal. im not saying that its easy to deal. we all know that, but we have to let it all go sometimes and grow from what life gives us

Today was a good day.

I haven't heard back from the girl online though. Hope she wants to hag out for a bit. I have nothing else to do this weekend. That could get boring.

The ex and I had dinner with our son today. I was glad to see her. We got along great. I wish every day could be like that. She generally treats me like I have the plague, but today we talked, laughed toegether, and just plain got along. It was a good day.

I went swiming but the cute lady lifeguard wasn't at the pool. Pity. I am beginning to warm up to her, and thusly can speak to her more easily. Just one of those shy people. When you get me talking, however, I don't shut up. Heh.

I hope this trend of nice days will continue, and if it doesn't then be assured you will all hear about it.