is my coworker flirting with me??

Hi, I'm new here and I'm sooo confused that I would really appreciate your help.

My coworker tends to be kind of rude with people, and she used to be like that with me at the beginning, but things have changed in the last two months. Now when she talks to me she looks directly into my eyes and she never did that before, I've caught her staring at me, the tone of her voice is...'sweet', and that is so not her way to talk, she smiles a lot, winks, she would touch me in the arm and say 'hi' with that 'sweet' intonation, and watch my lips while I'm talking. I mean...she's not like that with others.

I'm very attracted to her and I just want to know if she's flirting with me or not. I'm trying to do the same, like smiling a lot , making eye contact, etc. I've never been with another woman before and I would really like to have that experience, but actually I don't know what to do, I get very nervous when she's around. So I guess my question is if she's interested and what do I have to do to let her know that I'm interested too?Is this the way a woman flirts with another woman?

Thanks in advance for your advice.

I think she's attracted to you as well. I think this is correct but when a girl watches either a guy or girl's lips it usually means she's thinking of what it's like to kiss you. Go for it, I think she's interested.

Yep, i think she is interested too. Did you say she was gay? If she is, then this is definitely a sign. She may have been rude to you because she was frustrated, but now she may realise the only way to get to you is to be nice to you. I would keep on with the flirting, eye contact and if you get the opportunity to go out for after work drinks, take it.

go for it!!

Well, I guess you all are right, I mean, her behaviour towards me has changed dramatically...but, I must admit that I still have doubts, I'm going nuts here. Is she really flirting with me?...really? and how do I go for it without being too obvious? I don't know if she's gay and that makes it more difficult. This is new territory for me and I need help.

Thanks for your advice

Just ask if she wants to go out for drinks after work on a Friday. After a few drinks start talking about being single. Don't mention guys, just generalize. Say how it's nice to go out and blah blah. I think she'll take the moment to say if she's single and if's she's into guys. If she was really rude before I don't think she'll have a problem saying she's gay. Then that's your cue to tell her that your into to her too. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Yep, i think Aug's idea is good.

she's definitely flirting.... keep f;lirting back and then get her alone... maybe she'll open up to you... aug's idea is really good too

Sappho

Wow thanks!!, those words are exactly what I needed. I've decided to show her how I feel about her. I don't even care if it's too obvious or anything...anyway, that's the idea, I want to convey that message and I gotta do it well, right??

Go for it!

I'm just an idiot!. I've been blowing any chances I've had to show her the way I feel about her. What happens is that I'm becoming paralized with shyness when she's around or talking to me. Sometimes I stare at her, but I'm so stupid that in the past 5-4 days when she comes near me, I just ignore her. Now, she's ignoring me, it seems that she's avoiding me and she's not even making eye contact. I had the perfect opportunity to show her that I care about her two days ago, she was sick on wednesday and had to go home earlier, I wanted to ask her if she was feeling better when she came to my desk to ask me something about work, but I didn't say a word....pathetic!. Please, help me!! how do I fix this??? I think she's loosing interest and I'm falling in love with her.

OMG JustaHuman, This is me! I am doing the same thing.

I know what you mean about being paralyzed by shyness and fear... and also ignoring her. I ignore them because i don't know what to say and i just become silent .

Okay, take 3 deep breaths. I'll make a promise with you. I promise i will speak to my almost-crush on the weekend if you bite the bullet and speak to the woman you work with this week. On wednesday.

Prepare yourself psychologically and then march in to her office and ask her how she's been and whether she is feeling better now. If you have to cover up why you haven't spoken to her for a while, say you have been feeling a bit off colour too.

Next, you have two options. Either strike while the iron's hot and ask her out to lunch on thursday, or leave it for a few days and then on friday, either make it a point to smile and say hello again, or ask her if she wants to go to lunch. If you can't bring yourself to closing the deal on friday (asking her to lunch), simply be nice, tell her to have a 'good weekend' and smile at her. Then on monday or tuesday, ask her out to lunch again.

I'm kind of thinking the first option would be good.

Don't even ASK me what i am going to say to mine. I haven't thought that far ahead

Do we have a deal?

Mgirl

At least I'm not alone Mgirl

Well...what can I say about the deal?, I don't know...I don't think I will have the courage to do something like that, it'd be so...bold?. But, on the other hand, I gotta do something!. It seems that she has a different shift now. Today I started my shift early in the afternoon and she was there for about two hours and then she left. It happened the same on friday.

I feel...sad?...yes, I do feel sad. It makes my day just to know that she's around, and if now I'm gonna see her just a couple of hours each day, that won't be enough.

Today I tried to make eye contact, I stared at her a couple of times, but she never looked at me.

I want to show her that I have feelings for her, but I don't want anyone else in the office to notice that, and the thing is that we don't really have the chance to talk that much. *sigh* I"m starting to feel desperate. Now I know that I'm in love with her.

Hope you do better than me M girl

yo!! why doesnt this happen to me! no one hits on me no more!

If you're both too shy to take thyselves out for drinks, or dinner, or whatever, just drop her a note. Its REALLY easy (from experience) to do. Just leave her a little message at her desk. Kinds like saying "hey i had to leave early today, wanna meet for drinks this friday?"

Its really easy because it doesnt take the balls to look her in the eye or confronting her when saying it, and its VERY effective. It wont make you look as good as confronting her, but it will definitely get you two alone. And dude, with those signs, she WONT refuse the offer. Damn she'd probably jumped you if u weren't surrounded by coworkers!

I know what you mean about getting flabberghasted when you are around someone that you have feelings for. I think it has to do with you only want them to know that you like them "IF" the feeling is mutual. It's the whole being scared of rejection thing.

By now she might be thinking you are weird for ignoring her and might also be scared that you "KNOW" that she's into you, too.

I think you just need to strike up the conversation. Say something like, "Hey, I noticed that your shift changed. When do you work now?" Or something lame like that and then go from there. I mean, right now, I'm not sure that I would come right out and ask her out right now since now you are both ignoring each other. I would just talk to her and then let things progress.

ok, everything is back to normal, she didn't change her shift and we're flirting again. On wednesday and friday I just couldn't stop looking at her, she caught me staring at her and I didn't care...she even held my gaze for a few seconds. I also cought her staring at me and I must say that I feel much better now. It seems that I still have a chance...and thank you guys for your support

Haha! What a classic! All this time you'd thought things had changed! Well, there you go... Good luck and keep flirting! Good news that she stared back at you

Well, what can I say, you're the master here Mgirl , I just feel like a teenager

Oh, i'm not a master! I think you're doing pretty well. Oh, to feel like a teenager again, minus the angst

I almost forgot...you know what i told her on wednesday??...well, i said: 'Hey, now you're never here, where have you been?', she said 'yeah you're right, i saw you when you came, blah, blah..'.

It was a good move I guess (thank you for the advice Ballys ). I wanted to let her know that I missed her those days and I think she got the message. I'm proud of myself, but I've gotta keep practicing God, I never thought it would be so difficult to flirt with another woman.

Yeah, sounds like a good move. Good for you! I always have good ideas for others, but when it comes down to my own dirty work, I panic!

The thing about women is that we are more coy than men and give hints, but rarely come out and say what we mean because in a way, we expect others to be mind readers. At least I have found this true in my situations.

Good luck and keep us posted! Now that you are back in the picture with your flirting, the next step is asking her on a date like to coffee or something! I'll be waiting to hear what happens...

There's a woman that works on the same floor in my office bldg that I REALLY LIKE. I and some others really think she may be lesbian. I haven't told a soul that I like her and I want to let her know in the worst way, but am also terrified of anyone else finding out. I'm also terrified of the fact if I act on it and she turns out not to be lesbian.

Anyway, this woman will stare and look up-and-down the front of my body...usually when she can see that I can see her doing it. I started out just saying hi to her first. She has since started talking to me first by saying a little something to me either in the bathroom or in the parking lot. She has lately been pretty open with me by telling me what she does over the weekend such as golfing, yard work and her nephews. She even said to me one day when she didn't see me until the afternoon: "I missed you this morning". I don't know how to take that....does it mean she missed me as in the feeling missing someone, or the kind of missed when your late or off timing for something. I only see her 2-3 times a week, so it's really hit-or-miss as to when I see her.

So, I am in the same predicament that you are! I wish there was a sure-fire way of knowing that she is interested or even lesbian. Is golfing a popular activity with lesbians?

Is golfing a popular activity with lesbians?

LOL YES! Didn't you know that most lesbians are really into sports? I'm generalizing, of course, but let me generalize some more; lesbians are typically on softball teams and into golf! At least the ones I know.

No, really, though, this woman sounds so gay! Looking you up and down, telling you that she missed you, telling you about her weekend. She is fliritng with you. I suggest you do the same back to let her know that you are interested. Tell her how beautiful she looks. Tell her you missed her next time you are late coming to work. When she tells you about her weekend, like says she went golfing, casually ask who she went with. She may be les, but she also may have a gf. I hope not since she's been acting single with all of her flirting with you. These were just some subtle things you can do.

If you've never been golfing, you can always tell her that and then say that you are interested in learning and see if she invites you out to the green. There's a lot of subtle things that you can do to let her know that you are into her. Don't worry so much about what others say and try not to contribute to petty gossip. Sounds like you have a vested interest in her sexuality, while your co-workers may only be interested in knowing as something to gossip about.

GL! Let us know what happens!

Thanks!! I did notice thought when I'm in the elevator with her she does soemtimes stare down the front of other females. I know she has creeped some people out before. I do like her, but I don't know if she is just maybe after sex? Maybe she's a "flaming lesbian", if there is such a term? Maybe she's really into women? She doesn't usually talk to these other women though.

Sounds like she's a "boob" woman! Maybe she's doing it subconsciously? If other people have noticed her doing this it sounds pretty obvious.

Some women may be after just sex. It also seems like the older a woman gets, the more into commitment and stability she becomes. From the reading I've done on lesbian culture and the lesbians that I know, which aren't too many, most have not slept with a lot of partners. Gay men seem more prominscuous than les women. I think it has something to do with the way we are genetically wired. From an evolutionary standpoint, females (of all species) except black widow spiders (I think), look for a mate that is stable and strong to commit to for the sake of rearing young. There are exceptions. The best way to find out would be to get to know her.

Go golfing. Don't forget a polo shirt and clip and file your nails before you go! tee-hee! That's another way you can tell if a woman is a les, if she has really short nails. I haven't met any lesbians that have daggers for fingernails. I'm having fun with the generalizations...