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Thread: Does the dumper ever miss the dumpee? and Vice Versa?

  1. #1
    kaime
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    Does the dumper ever miss the dumpee? and Vice Versa?

    Does the dumper ever miss the dumpee? I am talking about relationships that lasted over a year and more.

    As the dumper...do YOU / have you on occasion thought about your ex?

    I mean I am not sitting here pining away however in the last couple of days I have thought about him a lot more than not. I was the dumpee in this case - 2 years dating / 1 year living together. I think I think about him in come capacity or another daily some days more than others.

    My ex isn't dating anyone exclusive right now. I keep thinking there must be some part of him that thinks about me. Somethings around the room that we shared, the flowers that are blooming in the backyard - how I'd go and sit out there for hours at a time relaxing and certain things he knows I'd like and even things that I hate triggers thoughts about me. Just as a few things yesterday I heard, instantly trigger deep thoughts about him. I'd LIKE to think that he does still think about me from time to time, heh but I don't know.

    I as a dumper (he got caught in a few too many lies by me I had to let him go after a few months!) I have thought about him a little - but our relationship only lasted about 4-5 months so I don't really count that. Plus pretty sure he was a rebound. No defn. sure.

  2. #2
    shorty20
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    Well, in my case, I was the dumper and the relationship was over a year. We didn't live together, but we practically did because I stayed over there almost every night. In this case, it was 3 months ago, and I still think about him. I didn't break up with him out of anger though, I just came to the realization that he wasn't the one for me and couldn't drag it out any longer for his sake or for mine. In cases like this, I think it's harder, becauses your intention is to do what's best, not to hurt the other person. It was the hardest but best thing i've ever done for myself, but in the end I'm happier, and I know he'll be happier too with time. You still can't help but think about them once in a while though.. I've been thinking about him more latley. Wondering how he is, what he's doing, if he's changed at all. It's hard not to wonder when the person is so important to you and such a significant part of your life. So my answer is yes. I do believe that even the dumper has a hard time and does think about the other person...

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    kskm
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    As the dumper in my relationships, I have found that I always think about my ex's. Some are good thoughts, some are not so good. The longer that you two are apart the more good thoughts then bad thoughts come to mind. I think my ex is a wonderful person, just isn't a wonderful boyfriend... I probably think of him everyday.. not lusting for him, but random thoughts

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    brando
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    After the smoke cleared for me (dumpee) i do miss my ex. I also realize that we just couldnt make our marriage work. We had ten years together and many ups and downs. Married a short three years was the hardest and most painful part of the relationship.

    I remember the good times and bad. And when i look back on the bad i can see how ignorant both of us were about a relationship. But we did our best with what we had. SHe was a big part of my life and i dont think i will ever forget her, i wouldnt want to.

    I told her once i was greatful for her to marry me, to have a person at one time to think of being with you forever is a great feeling. She did not want to hear it... anger, negative in order to support her decision, but it was true when i told her.

    Anyway ....thats all folks....

  5. #5
    Kaia
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    I'm in very similar situation as shorty20. I was the dumper and we've dated for a couple of years. It's been 6 months and I still think of my ex from time to time. Sometimes I just wonder how he is doing.

    I think it's normal to think about your ex because you've spent so much time together before and really got to know each other.

  6. #6
    Napoleon Bonaparte

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    Ksmk how long have you been apart from your ex? How can you think of him everyday and not miss him? I only ask cuz a crazy chick who rejected me after we came too close called me a month after I put her on NC and last month almost on the exact date. I am wondering if she is missin me

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    kskm
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    I was with him for 5 years, and we have been apart for 1 year now. The first 3 months were the hardest ever. But it's not like our break up was a good break up, it was nasty, and even through the nastiness I still think of him... I did miss parts of our relationship- just not him. He changed as a person, into someone that I didn't like.. so I had to let him go. Sucked. Just when you think you know someone... but even to this day I think about him.. for example today I was going through some things, I am currently packing to move into my new house, and I came accross like 10 cell phones- (we were both really bad about breaking them, we would buy a new phone like every 3 months!!)- and I thought, "oh.. it's that funny.. " but I didn't think "god I want to be with him".....

    But if she called you she probably is missing you. Every situation is different.

  8. #8
    Napoleon Bonaparte

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    Kskm he was angry at you even though you are kinky plus like anal?
    Well did he cheat? What was so bad about em? And what does it mean if a chick breaks NC after you tell her not to two months apart?

  9. #9
    kskm
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    Quote Originally Posted by Napoleon Bonaparte
    Kskm he was angry at you even though you are kinky plus like anal?
    Well did he cheat? What was so bad about em? And what does it mean if a chick breaks NC after you tell her not to two months apart?
    Lol... He never initated sex, never.. in our entire relationship, so that made me think, I know I am pretty so what's your deal, I am good in bed, I will try anything so why won't you touch me. Then he would go out with "friends" to clubs while I was at work or at school and not come home until the next day and not call- mind you we lived together in the house I bought and paid for everything, he didn't have to work- then he cheated on me, and after that I found drugs on him. Plus he wouldn't every touch me, like hold my hand or anything.. he was useless. We were so great together in the beginning of our relationship and then I don't know, 5 years people change. Especially since we were so young. The last straw was the cheating and drugs, I am not into that at all... not at all. I knew I could do better
    If a chick breaks no contact she apparently wants to talk to you.. if you want to talk to her then I think that you should... but my first question to her would be something along the lines of are you ready to be closer now?

  10. #10
    Napoleon Bonaparte

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    Kskm Not yet. I told her a year. She told me she is more emotionally connected to me then bf. If that number is indeed hers. I know it's Queens area code. I can't try it without breaking NC. I don't wanna go to far out of my way to check. but the area code is hers and it looks very familair. I got rid of her number until I am done with NC. She obviously doesn't want me to get over her. It has only been two months and i made it clear in e mail i would be looking for somebody else. If she needs an emotional connection/friendship right now she really needs to find a gay friend or more female friends. It isn't fair to try and intimately connectt to me again. So no, not ready. Plus i can't deal with too much misery right now. It would distract me from my LSAT in two weeks and screw up my chances of getting into law school this fall at brooklyn
    Your ex sounded like a loser. You are better off without him then. Five years is less about changing into somebody else than it is about figurin' out who you really are.

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