Boyfriend - teen porn advice, internet advice

Boyfriend - Teen Porn, Computer Advice Needed Post: 1 | Quote:

I thought my BF and I had sorted out this porn thing, but I do look on his computer to see if he still looks at teen porn. I found a hidden file called lolitasworld and it had his name a the start - email removed There is a date of late April sometime. He found that I had been looking and said that I had accidently planted the cookie there from previous searching. I couldn't have as the date is late April when we were apart.

He said:

It was probably still there from the last time you did it. Are you aware that

cookies can refresh themselves? That would explain the date. In any case, it

can't have been me, because I've NEVER surfed that site. Only you have. So

you're one up on me.

These are a few more of things he said:

- BTW, I have

discovered that the cookie is usually (though not always) named after the

currently logged-in

- That's because it's a #!%! cookie! They are stored in a system folder, which is by its very nature hidden. You appear to know just enough to be dangerous, but obviously not enough to interpret your findings correctly.

I am 35 and BF 37. I am attractive and have a nice body. I said to him I can't handle him lusting after young bodies. The quotes I have here from him are from angry email replies. Does anyone know if what he says about cookies is right?

Thanks in advance to all replies.

He has issues.

Cookies do not refresh themselves, it leaves a trail after the user visits a specific site. The only way it will refresh itself is if you go to that site again. That's how cookies work. I'm sorry but he's lying to you.

I'm not an expert on web page design, but I'm fairly positive that cookies only overwrite themselves when the original page is revisited.

He's obviously lying to spare your feelings and to avoid conflict, but he's lying to your face nonetheless. It's up to you to decide how to deal with it.

The name at the beginning pete@ is put on there because that is his computer name (windows XP does that part) the rest is the domain of the site. Yes, you have to visit a site for the cookie date to be reset... he is lying but so would I just because of sheer embarrasment.

Probably 90% of men with a healthy sex drive look at internet porn weather out of bordome or to relieve stress when your not around. If that is the biggest of your problems together I would be thankful and just leave it at that. You don't have to approve of it, just don't try to pin him down about it... you will just push him away.

Dana

Probably 90% of men with a healthy sex drive look at internet porn

That is a very big statement. In one sense I agree, most males have looked at porn at some stage in their lives but most men grow out of it, in my experience with myself and friends in the early 20s.

However in this case i think the poster is talking about looking at teenage porn and the site she is talking about "lolitas something" is obviously from the title to do with very young girls.

I definitely do not think this is something she should just accept.

Your right, probably only 50% of men look at legal porn on occation. If he is looking at girls that look like they could be under age that is bad.

Since I am only 27 I can imagine that when I am older I will probably loose interest, especialy if I am happy with my sex life.

Dana

I don't think porn is a big problem in itself - but I would be a little freaked out by him fascinating about teen porn (obviously depending on the age!)

He is obviously a little ashamed of it to lie to you! Have you confronted him again about it?

So can you delete cookies? Ahhhh I have been searching my ex-boyfriend on the internet just out of curiosity as he is a professional sportsman and just wondered what he was up to - can I be tracked - if so how do I delete the websites I visited?

you can be tracked, but you can also delete cookies. But why would you? It's easier just not to browse anything suspicious..

I don't recommend anyone to delete any tracks you leave - truth always comes out.. and you'll have to explain out the hiding too

Take responsibility of your actions, think before you act.

He should learn to delete cookies, or get some of that clean-up software.

Also, I'm no expert (really, I swear), but the "teen" porn is mostly college aged girls, some of whom appear very young (unless he's looking at illegal stuff, in which case expect the FBI at your door before too long). What red blooded male is not interested in hot college girls?

Just wanted to let you know Moonglow that you are not alone. I am a 48 year old woman who has been married for 4 months. My husband is 47. This is the second marriage for both of us. We have known each other for about 2 years before getting married and also lived together. I knew that he looked at some porn, at that was ok. We discussed it and told him that I really didn't like it but I understood if he had to sometimes. Well did I get a shock when I was cleaning the computer and found a file with all of these web sites that he has been at. They are all teen porn web sites. I feel so stupid, disqusted and worthless. We had a very good sex life until recently when he slowed up a little. We talked about this and how hurt I was. I went on these sites, and yes I know they are legal, but they are dressed to look like they are 14-15. I was shocked and-don't get me wrong. I am no prude. I just couldn't believe it. I don't know if I can get over the fact that this is what he enjoys looking at. Kids. I could have handled it better if it would have been what I would consider an adult. He says that he will never look at these sites again but I also know that he has been doing this for a long time. I think my marriage is in serious trouble. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you.

I went on these sites, and yes I know they are legal, but they are dressed to look like they are 14-15. I was shocked and-don't get me wrong. I am no prude. I just couldn't believe it. I don't know if I can get over the fact that this is what he enjoys looking at. Kids. I could have handled it better if it would have been what I would consider an adult. He says that he will never look at these sites again but I also know that he has been doing this for a long time. I think my marriage is in serious trouble. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you.

If they are legal, and only DRESSED to look younger, then they are not "kids" - they are legal adults.

If I dressed up like a Catholic schoolgirl for my boyfriend because it would give him a kick, it's not because he actually somehow thinks I am suddenly 14 years old, nor do I suddenly believe if he is turned on by it he MUST be into kids! Just like if I dressed up as a French maid...it would not be a turn on because I am now French, and a nurse's uniform does not make me a nurse...

If the problem is porn, that's fine, then that is something you need to work out amongst you two, but I think it's important to differentiate between what is ACTUALLY child porn and what isn't. You could get your hubby into a LOT of trouble and judgement if you spread that kind of news around when it's not the acutal case. I would say MOST porn sites out there use women that are 18-25, and have them "look younger" and call them "young teens" when it is quite apparent they aren't.

When you told him it was okay he looked at porn, unless you specified that they had to clearly be above 30 or something, I don't think it was dishonest of him to be on the legal sites that are generally out there - which do have "teens" which everyone knows are NOT "teens" (unless they are 18).

As RayKay said, it's just a fantasy ... if the sites are legal, they have women who are 18+ depicted in them, and it's just some kind of schoolgirl fantasy type thing. If you're disturbed that your husband has these kind of fantasies (which are not all that uncommon ... cheerleader fantasies are pretty common among straight men, for example), you should discuss it with him. My guess is that there are underlying issues with the porn, however, regardless of the subject matter depicted, particularly if you are noticing an impact on your sex life, which is bad ... definitely worth discussing with him and, if needed, seeking help to get his porn use to a level that doesnt interfere with real life sexual intimacy.

I rekon your relationship has real trust issues and as much as I can see why everyone is putting this back on him for lying to you, what are you doing going through his cookies in the first place. If you have to go sneaking around inside his computer becuase he isn't telling you something, the issues you have are much bigger than just him looking at porn.

That is a very big statement. In one sense I agree, most males have looked at porn at some stage in their lives but most men grow out of it, in my experience with myself and friends in the early 20s.

I sat in on information session for a company that does Internet research. I forget the exact numbers but for men looking at porn but it was between 80%-90% and for women was 40% and 60%. For men viewing hours ranged greatly for women the most frequent hours were between 2:00 am and 6:00am during the hours when no one is awake. The information was gathered from home users who subscribed to an Internet service who surfed though proxy servers, that means that nothing was hidden (it is as if your Internet provider had bugged you). The numbers were for all ages.

Does this seem to mean it is normal? Yes btw if it is child porn... this is not normal and he is a freak.

This didn't used to happen in the past because there was no Internet. If you throw the computer out he will still think of these things. You just have insight into the male mind that you didn't have before. Since it disagrees with you I would recommend not looking. If you decide that you cant live with a sex that thinks this way... perhaps you should consider women.

Interesting Rabbit. I have seen other studies that studied the response of men and women to pornographic images, to see if women were somehow less affected. 100% of both men and women registered pleasure responses, and arousal (through brain imagery, body sensors, etc) yet about 90%+ of the women said they were not turned on by it. Yet, the physiology showed different! I think then perhaps it is the "idea" of it that may have many women turned off as has been suggested - due to insecurities, feelings about the industry, or perhaps....and I think this could be a big one...guilt.

Can I just ask a question? How much is too much? How many times a week would be too many times to look at porn. Would you be considered an addict if you looked at it for about 10-60 minutes a day? Would you be an addict if you looked at it 4 x a week? I am just wondering.

i am so sorry .....that is just sick on his behalf....SICK...

I am not for porn, just turns me off to be honest, and it is something to be discussed prior to all serious commitments if it does bother you...but teen porn ??? that is just sick...

How does teen porn make it different any ways teen porn is more like tv teen roles, chances they are nineteen are very low they are more like twenty four... personalty I would find it more sick if he was looking at grandmothers.

As for how much porn is too much porn... how much exercise is too much exercise? How much food is too much food? How much drinking is too much drinking? As soon as it starts to effect what it is that you want to do and what you want to be and starts to hurt those things then it is too much.

PS: something with no personal advancement value at all isn't good for you by its very nature, but it isn't costing you much more than time. Then that is all you have isn't it.

ok...food, excercise are essential for a healthy lifestyle, so I odnt understand how pornography can even be compared to these two?...you NEED food...and essentially excercise too to stay healthy...do you NEED porn? No. Its just there for whoever wants it.

if your partner hurts from it just once, I believe that is ENOUGH.

I don't care if my boyfriend watches porn...so I can't really relate. You shouldn't take it personally. Why don't you try watching it together? Guys usually do not see porn the same way women do. Women take it as "he would rather watch porn than be with me", but this is not so. Porn is just a recreation activity that has nothing to do with the relationship. Although, I don't know what kind of guy he is.

BOBtail i agree with you 100% I stopped at the video store every now and agin jsut to browse a high end magazine...nothing slutty... and my Gf freaked out completely... I told her itsd just a guy thing and A. i wasnt cheating B. not going to strip clubs and C; love you very much.... she stayed mad for weeks

See...I am a girl and I completely understand how men view porn. That really IS just what guys do. It should not be a problem. It has nothing to do with love or the girlfriend. Porn is porn. Love is love. The two are not related.

Women are different than men. The two sexes have little in common. For instance...a guy needs a lot of space. If he is into you, you'll know it...however, guys still need to know that they are their own and do not "belong" to anyone. Let the guy alone for a while. Guys do not have the same emotions as women. Women cry and obsess over every little detail and men are just like, " * * * are you talking about?" Men do not understand. So, why bother bringing stuff up? Let the men just be happy and oblivious. That will keep them with you. Just be chill and cool and act as though you do not obsess or get jealous. The guy will think...damn, my gf is cool. Men also cannot multi-task. Men are either A) in focus, work mode or B) in romantic fuzzy sexy mode. So, when a guy who you know loves you (it is different if he is just not into you) does not pay 100% attention to you...it does not mean he does not love you...he is just in focus mode.

Bottom line: let men be men. Why women expect men to act like women is beyond me.

I will admit it is weird that he looks at "lolita" porn though.

I checked out the site - it not only appears to suck (Dont ask how I came to that conclusion >.>) but it's perfectly legal and everyone is over 18.

I checked out the site - it not only appears to suck (Dont ask how I came to that conclusion >.>) but it's perfectly legal and everyone is over 18.

It was nice of you to go above and beyond the call of duty CG to check that out for the poster

So to the original poster, any updates since your last post?