'having things in common'

I've been with my girlfriend for about 5 months now. Three times, she has run into some ground shaking issue that she decided will make or break us. The third, was a few days ago; she decided that we don't have enough in common.

'Having things in common.' in her mind, as she so eloquently put it, involves the way we run our own lives. I'm a bit on the lazy side when it comes to paying my bills. Sometimes they are late, simply because Im unorganized and have a busy lifestyle. By all means, I have good credit.. but i've paid a late fee or two (or four) in my day.

She thinks that the decisions I make in my life are wrong, because it's not the decision she would have made. Or so she says she would have made.

Basically, I think I'm on my last limb with this girl. I have no doubt that she's going to continue finding what she thinks are roadblocks in our relationship. I'm just along for the ride.. I care about her more than the world itself.. but my own happiness matters too! She makes valid points about the flaws in my lifestyle.. but I don't think they should be the deciding factor in our fate.

Not sure what to do. I have a few options.

a. put up with it and see if she sticks it out

b. be supportive every time she does it.. maybe i don't understand the way her mind things in comparison to mine

c. leave her because she'll never see me for who i am, but for who she wants me to be

thanks in advance

Not sure what to do. I have a few options.

a. put up with it and see if she sticks it out

b. be supportive every time she does it.. maybe i don't understand the way her mind things in comparison to mine

c. leave her because she'll never see me for who i am, but for who she wants me to be

 

Just pick C.

Life is too short to be nitpicked to death.

If after 5 months she has so many flaws to discover, one of two things, either you are completely flawed or she is too critical, if you are flawed fix it, but not for her do for you. If she is just to critical, get off the sinking ship.

how about:

d. Tell her that you love her more than the world etc. but you have your own way of doing things, don't appreciate being criticised and if she would like to continue the relationship to please stop doing it or you will have to leave her.

how about:

 

d. Tell her that you love her more than the world etc. but you have your own way of doing things, don't appreciate being criticised and if she would like to continue the relationship to please stop doing it or you will have to leave her.

I like "D". But if that does not work....go to "C".

Don't stay with someone who does not seem to like YOU all that very much, and don't force a relationship where there are such incompatibilities.

Being with someone who won't accept that we are all different people with different opinions and views can be a real drag. And guess what? She probably won't change.

So you've been together for 5 months. Is that really enough time to start telling someone how to handle their finances? I mean, playfully suggesting that you're a bit 'irresponsible' is one thing, but if she's making these things deal-breakers, then she's not someone I would want to invest my time and energy into.

If you didn't say that you "care more about her than the world itself", I would probably say to bail out before the real control-freak issues start showing their face. If she's making every little thing that she doesn't like into a threat that she'll leave you if you don't change, she sounds like she may be trying to manipulate you. Remember, she's not your mother. Partners are supposed to support and discuss, not hand out demands and scrutiny.

With her, I think it's an issue of her need to control what's going on. If you can find some way of convincing her [nicely] that just because you don't make the same decisions as she would, it doesn't mean that you're incompatible/ have nothing in common. Plus, having things in common is only half the battle. Having the same values are of signigicant importance. Money is materialistic - being there for someone without judging them or being critical is a value.

Put it to her this way: I wouldn't come down on you for [insert annoying habit here]. I don't because that's not what's important to me. So in saying that, don't you think that I deserve some respect and freedom to pay my bills when I feel like it?