Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: My story......

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    South Carolina
    Age
    57
    Posts
    2

    My story......

    Hello...I am new to this forum as far as posting is concerned but have spent the last four days reading it.

    I am NOT in high school...I am 43 years old and he is 57 and a professional. He IMed me one night when we were both in a chat room. I instantly became very intrigued with him and we began a month long "thing" through IMs, phone calls and camming with each other.

    He bought me a plane ticket and invited me to visit him. I went, met him and was instantly attracted. He was all that I had hoped him to be. He had bought me earrings and a beautiful necklace that he gave me the day I arrived. He was sweet the first day but from there, it all went down hill. He had let me know that he had always dated younger women, but decided he wanted a future with someone and knew he wouldn't get it from those 20 something year olds. Before I even went, I was already insecure and felt that he had built me up to this fantasy that didn't exist. Yes, we became intimate which I highly regret, but I can't take it back now. During the week I was there, he was distant and standoffish with me and I wondered by the second day if he was ready to put me back on the plane and send me home. I kiddingly ask him one day if that is what he wanted and he never answered me.

    The third day, we went into the city to meet some friends of mine. He was acting really cold and distant towards me. I asked him why, and he said he didn't realize I needed that much attention. During the course of the trip, he told me I was annoying because I kidded alot..trying to keep things light. Then, he made fun of my skinny ankles in front of some friends of his. And there were some other cutdowns that I won't go into.

    At the same time, he introduced me to friends, I met his Mom and all his cohorts. He is a judge. He acted as though he was proud to introduce me and all his friends and cohorts seemed to be crazy about me...but he acted with so much indifference that I didn't know what to think. The day after I left, he went on a week long trip in which he told me he was going to see his ex-girlfriend. The day he left for the airport, he left a message on my machine that said he missed me and would call me the day he got back which was last Saturday. During his trip, he called me once, Imed me once and sent me an email telling me "miss you".

    When he got back from Vegas last Saturday, I didn't hear from him. His email stated that he would call me as soon as he returned home on Saturday. No phone call...saw him online...no IMs. I sent him an email on Sunday telling him that his ininterest in contacting me said a lot and I thought we should go our separate ways. He supposedly was in the country when he read this and couldn't call from his cell phone. He said he drove into town and tried to call, but he found my line to be busy, he drove back to IM with me. He asked me to give him time to resolve some personal issues. I told him I would wait as long as he showed some interest in me. He said he would call me on Monday. Monday, I get an email stating he had to go back to his country home and would contact me Tuesday or Wednesday. Mind you, he has played poker and could have called me on his cell phone at any time while driving to the country, driving back, to and from his poker games or just whenever.

    THEN, I get another email stating that he would call me either on Wednesday or Thursday. He just kept putting off calling me. I felt he was not interested and I sent him back a text message stating that he kept pushing it further and further back. I had had enough. I sent him another text asking him to please send me m jeans and shirt that I had left and ship to me COD...I know, childish but I was upset and felt rejected.

    It has now been five days since I heard anything from him. He is avoiding the screen name he used with me but has been on his other names in which he isn't even aware that I know of. I got them off his computer when I would check my email while I was there. I signed on the other night twice and he quickly changed to his other names. I gave him a way out last Sunday, so why did he ask me to give him time? He even stated that he wanted me to come back in June and stay for 2 - 3 weeks but he can't call for five minutes just to say hi?

    I know this was so short lived, but I cannot help but to feel so rejected and like I was not good enough for him. I think he built me up to be this fantasy that I could not live up too. Even though he had seen me on cam, I certainly didn't have the body or looks of a 20 year old something.

    This has really been a hard week and I am falling into a depression. He denied that he saw his ex in Vegas and said he brushed her off but I don't know what to believe. I am just feeling like this used up old 43 year old that can't seem to find the "right" one.

    Mind you, this man is 57 years old and never married. He's very prominent in his town and is very successful. I know he's happy and doesn't even think of me now, but I can't get him out of my mind and wondering what did I do wrong? I want to email him but I don't want to come off as being needy. I know there is probably nothing I can do at this point and I shouldn't even WANT too.

    This man portrayed himself to be many things during the month of our online fling. He gave me so much BS and sadly, I flew for it. Two things I've learned from is that it doesn't matter how old you are, you can still fall for someone online. And it also doesn't matter how old they are...game players come in all shapes, sizes and ages. I feel I was played...but I have to blame myself as well for falling for it all.

    What did I do that was so wrong here?...I'm really confused.

  2. #2
    Silver Member OmegaMan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    In the frozen north of Canada
    Posts
    640
    You know...

    I'm only 24 but I think I've got some insight.

    I think you did the right thing in writing here. Some people here should be able to give you some pretty good feedback as to what happened to you.

    I feel bad for you. The way you were treated is unacceptable, in my opinion. The whole thing just sounds so unhealthy (I'm talking about his behaviour).

    Well, I just wanted to say I feel your pain. I'm trying to be in your shoes, I certainly would feel bad at that very moment.

    I honestly hope you find the right one. You sound like you deserve it. Keep looking, I would say, action is the only sure way of eventually suceeding. As we say in french: "Qui combat sans effort, triomphe sans gloire!" He who fights without efforts triumph without glory.

    Good luck.

    Omega

  3. #3
    Member venus777's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    514
    It's really apparent that despite his age this guy is a jerk. I'm so sorry he has hurt you like this. There is nothing positive about this guy that I've read so far...

    What I'd recommend is to stop watching his screen names. It is going to cause you more pain as you give him more and more of your energy (I know this from experience). He sounds like a royal [insert negative noun of choice]

    You haven't done anything wrong. He has. And he is the one that loses the most. At his age, he'll get older and oler and just die alone. Sounds mean, but it's true. Be good to yourself. Get a massage, go to a sauna, eat some good food, pamper yourself. And then meet someone kind and new, that knows how to treat you right, how you deserve!

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    South Carolina
    Age
    57
    Posts
    2
    Venus and Omega...thank you so much for your replies. I was hoping to get more insight on this, but I guess people probably read what I had to say and thought "what a dummy she must be". Can't blame them as I am seeing myself that as well right now.

    I just have so many unanswered questions that I guess I'll never get from him. It's probably not so much him that I am upset about, but the rejection and total silence when I don't feel that I did anything wrong. Maybe I should have given him more time and not made a big deal about him not calling. I am a southerner and he is a northerner so I looked past his bluntness instead of really seeing how he was treating me while I was there.

    This man also wanted a submissive female and that is not me. I could tell you some things that he wanted me to do, but I don't wanna make anyone get sick at their stomachs. There was one thing he had told me he wanted to do but never did. When I questioned him about it last Sunday, he said he was afraid too and didn't want to ruin it with me. Such conflicting actions and words.

    Reading this forum and the Breakup forum has made me see that he is not the only A-hole out there. At 43, I thought I had learned many lessons but I really let down my guard with this one and you see where it got me. He is my last online romance because I haven't had much luck with it anyway over the years. I'm really happy that online relationships have worked for some...but it's just not for me.

    Thank you all again for sharing your thoughts and advice on this forum. You never know what you have to share might just help someone else out there. Have a good day all...be safe and be happy.

  5.  


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •