"Bad boys"

Maybe this is just me, but it seems that most girls are attracted to the guys that treat them like crap. The guys are just all over them, and then they just forget about the nice guys. Ever heard this link removed

it might be just me..but i doubt it.

 

input wanted. THanks

Take a look at this thread. It addresses this question pretty well.

 

link removed

You know what - we grow out of it. Yeah, bad boys at first are fun an exciting. But, then we get tired of being treated like crap. We then decide we want one of those nice-guy husbands like those on TV - you know - like Dan Conner from Rosanne, or Ray Romano, or the King of Queens guy.

 

Don't worry - your day will come!

most girls are attracted to the guys that treat them like crap.

Not true. At least for me it isn't. I always DISLIKED the bad boy. Although some of them were really good at putting on the facade of "I'm the nice guy" attitude, I always knew what I wanted. So when I meet a bad boy, I basically tell them: Adios. No para mi. Hasta luego!

 

I don't see why some guys mistake that portraying the macho-man, "I'm the bad boy, Rico Suave attitude" is what really gets the chicks. To me, I sit there and laugh when I see a guy try to act like a player. The biggest mistake is for a nice guy is to mistake a women's liking for confident men as bad boys. There's a huge difference between confidence and cokcyness. Guys who are bad boys are cokcy. They hurt, mistreat, and abuse women. On the other hand, you can still have a nice guy who is confident. It's just a matter of how much he knows himself. If he knows himself, doesn't try to act like someone who he's not, and has a good heart, then he is one confident person: a keeper. But, if he tries to be a macho-man, then in my eyes, he's still an immature, weak, wanna be Bad Boy; hence: turn-off.

 

I'm not the type of girl who wants a bad boy, and I won't play dumb and lower my standards for a bad boy, either. There are women out there who feel the same. Some girls like bad boys, but the general consensus is not true. As the age old advice goes: Be your nice self, and you'll attract someone who's similar to you. Would you rather A.) put on a front, then B.) act like someone else, attract the chicks, and C.) they end up not ever truly liking you for you? No, right? As long as you stay true to yourself, you won't have a problem. Trust me. Be smart about it. And, if the girls don't like you for you, and would rather prefer an idiot bad boy, then, be glad that you aren't dating an airhead! It's all in the power of "C"onfidence, the ability to be authentic about yourself, at heart. Best of luck to you!

I read the link just wing it, I totally agree. The girl I'm attracted to did the exact same thing. Shes not totally hooked up with this guy yet, but their going to prom together on saturday. Like the site said, "the good guy gets the shaft", in my opinion is true. I've always been considderate and respectful of women, but it has gotten me nowhere. This girl even directly called me a "Good Guy", which as discussed on a forum of this website: link removed . I'm still confident that in the end, hopefully, I will either hook up with this girl, or find another who respects me for who I am, a "Good Guy". I'm not necessairly shy, I may be called a "Good Guy with an edge", but even then, I havent seen good results yet. This girl flirts with me, at least I think so, but still nothing . Anyway, I hope the nice guy thing changes for all of us, and that women stop falling for *beeps* Also sorry to vent all this, I'm just depressed, angry, and demoralized about the entire situation.

Girls want a guy that will treat them with love, respect, and dignity. The bad boy thing is either 1) a rebellous party phase they grow out of or 2) a desire to change the guy into a nice guy. Either way it is the nice guy that girls always want in the end. Your young, most people at that age don't have a clue about serious relationships anyways. You are already ahead of most people your age, don't change into a bad boy. Sooner or later some girl will wake up and see how special you are.

 

On the other hand, you can still have a nice guy who is confident. It's just a matter of how much he knows himself. If he knows himself, doesn't try to act like someone who he's not, and has a good heart, then he is one confident person: a keeper. But, if he tries to be a macho-man, then in my eyes, he's still an immature, weak, wanna be Bad Boy; hence: turn-off.

 

BillyJean, you nailed it. Listen to her, she's absolutely right.

I completely agree with farfromperfikt. My ex-boyfriend was the complete package of the "bad boy". Something attracted me to him, and i began to realize that it was a challenge for me. Of course the whole relationship didn't revolve around that, there were times that he could be nice, but usually that bad boy type is selfish, and thats only because he wanted something in return.

 

As time went on however, it just got to be to much, you can't change people no matter what you do or how much you love them. He didn't see anything wrong with his behavior towards me, and the only person that was changing was me, he was changing me.

 

So now, i am done with the bad boy type, i am sick of the chasing and the pushing and just having it be so one sided. I am sure there are nice guys out there, so please come forward...and don't be scared some girl will push you away because you aren't hard enough. There are a lot of girls out there that just want a nice respectful caring guy. Just my 2 cents...

I think the true definition of a "bad boy" is someone who constantly thinks of his own needs before others. This doesn't necessarily mean being too aggressive. I have met passive guys who appear to be "nice guys", but are the opposite. I have met aggressive guys who I can tell are "bad boys" right away, but other girls can't and they end up going through heartbreak because of it.

 

What some women see as the sign of being a "bad boy" others don't. But the signs I don't see some others do. Being able to see all of the signs of every type of bad boy comes with experience. It also comes with knowing the person awhile before you are both in a serious relationship.

Men who appear as "nice guys" are the men certain women think are their type. But the reality is these men aren't really their types but appear to be that way in the beginning.

 

I stay away from guys I know to be "bad boys", which are the ones I know right off the bat aren't my type! I struggle more with trusting guys who I think are "nice guys" and appear to be my type. The point is that you can't judge a guy as a "bad boy" by a stereotypical personality. No matter the personality, if you can sense that they think about themselves way more than they do others than that's a sign of a "bad boy".

Thanks Shysoul.

Men who appear as "nice guys" are the men certain women think are their type. But the reality is these men aren't really their types but appear to be that way in the beginning.

Words of wisdom. This is so true. I went through the same thing. That's why, it takes time to get to know a person. You can usually judge a bad boy through his actions. For instance: How does he treat others? Does he put them down? Does he condescend? Does he act arrogant? Is he high on an ego trip? These are traits of jerks, and believe me, jerks tend to be abusive: physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally. I had my fair share of these experiences, so I know. I didn't suspect that they were like this in the beginning. Their so-called 'niceness' was all a front, until they slowly revealed their true colors.

 

For the ladies: you just have to give the relationship time to really know if you're dating a jerk or not. If you notice that they're already not nice, then don't give them the time of day. If the guy lacks compassion for others, and like Heckah_Beckah says, if he is selfish, then be careful. Selfish people are only in it for themselves. They could care less about you, and won't feel any remorse if they cheat or hurt you. Why? Because all they want is what matters. It's only natural. Another thing: when something sounds too good to be true, it most often is. When someone tries to sell an image of I'm so sweet, compassionate, loyal, etc., meaning their talk is cheap, be careful. If they're such a nice person, then why boast about it? It's like giving candy to a baby. Don't be fooled. Let that person show you through their actions that they are truly nice people, not through words.

What is wrong with putting your own feelings before others? Isn't that the way how its supposed to be? I mean sure in a fantasy world people can care for others before themsevles but I think that to be living in the real world, you have to put ur self and your needs before others. Other wise you are just going to get hurt. Am I right?

 

And if the definition of a bad boy is someone that puts his needs before others than I guess everyone's a bad boy. Because it is human nature to do so. Even the "nice guy" that goes along with everything, he's doing it because he wants acceptance from others. And going along with it is the easiest way to do so. Before you guys dismiss my opinion, just think about it. When was the last time you did something that was truly for the benifit of others, without feeling good about it yourself? Why do you give to the homeless? because you feel good giving? right?

Why do you give to the homeless? because you feel good giving? right?

Right! But is it selfish? No. It feels good to help others, because when I help others, I put their needs ahead of mine. In essense, I feel helped myself, but I'm not entering that situation thinking, "What's in it for me". I help others, because I want to. It's called selflessness. That intent is antagonistic to selfishness.

 

I for one, DISLIKE selfish people. About the whole selfishness mentality of today's society- it makes me SICK! And, IMO about putting yourself above others, that kind of philosophy, c'mon, think about it, how mainstream is that way of thinking? We're smarter than that, aren't we? Just because society says we should be that way, is that the almighty truth? Or can we be independent thinkers, and follow our own beliefs? But think about it, that's what society tells you to be. Where do you see it? You see it in this age of MTV, mass media, just typical brainwash garbage! Deep down inside, I don't think that people inherently want to be selfish. It's because of the society and their upbringing that tells them to be that way. Everywhere we go, we are bombarded with the kind of selfish attitude, which leads to a life of glut and materialism. It's subtle. You think that with that kind of mentality, the quality of life is actually improving? Why else do we have so many broken families and failed marriages? Is it due to the fact that more and more people continually accept the fact that being selfish is the 'right' way to live? I see that a lack of selflessness is what's really hurting us. What kind of society do we live in these days? A very cut-throat society! Now, do you think that being cut-throat will lead you to find a bestfriend? No. Selfishness won't, but selflessness will. When people always put themselves above everyone else, they won't find true love. They'll run into the same selfish people who will backstab them. That's why, my friend says this: "Kill people with kindness". That's how you weed people out. If people choose to trample over you, and take advantage of your kindess, then there's your answer. If that's who they are, then why associate with them?

 

But, yes, I won't entirely disagree, because there is a limit to being kind and being pushed around. For instance, if someone takes it for granted, it's instinctive to put our guard up and not let them take advantage of the situation. If that's considered selfish, then that's what needs to be done. It's a natural defense mechanism. However, circumstances like that shouldn't change the premise of a person's values. Just because it seems as though being selfish is how things should be, it doesn't mean that I should have to jump onto the bandwagon and be like everyone else. You just have to be smart about who you are kind to. For the most part: it's safe for people to always be themselves. And, if they're selfish, then that's who they are. I just don't want to associate with them, period. But, if they're nice and honest, then cool. They're the people who I care enough to keep in my life, because they are not a dime a dozen! It takes a stronger person to live up to their own convictions. That's how I see it. Those are the people who are worth my time and friendship.

BillyJean, you took the words right out of my mouth. It sickens me that so many people put themselves first like that. What happened to giving back, being humble, looking out for your fellow man. This world could be such an amazing place if only more people would be more concerned with others, treating them with kindness and respect.

 

drydupfob, for your information this is one guy who does things solely to benefit others, not caring at all if I get anything in return. I don't even expect a thank you, I realize that most people are too selfish to think about that. Any good feelings a get are a by product, its never intended or part of why I do things. I do it because it is right and because it benefits others. Not everyone is selfish and not everyone does things thinking about what they get out of it. I'm sorry you refuse to understand this.

this is one guy who does things solely to benefit others, not caring at all if I get anything in return

yes you are, you are thinking i will feel good after i give to this poor person. i will feel like i contributed to society.

We're smarter than that, aren't we? Just because society says we should be that way, is that the almighty truth? Or can we be independent thinkers, and follow our own beliefs?

My opinoions are mine, and i dont even watch tv. Everything i know is from expereience maybe I have not had such a sheltered life has someone of you. But from an early age i knew that being selfless will only get you hurt and people will take advantage of you.

You think that with that kind of mentality, the quality of life is actually improving? Why else do we have so many broken families and failed marriages? Is it due to the fact that more and more people continually accept the fact that being selfish is the 'right' way to live? I see that a lack of selflessness is what's really hurting us. What kind of society do we live in these days? A very cut-throat society!

looks like someone missed a history listen. We as American's live in a captalistic world ? yes? and acording to the father of economics, Adam Smith. and i quote, "If each member of society thrive for the most personal gain, in turn society benifits as a whole". Our countrie's econ system is built on selfishness, you expect us to survie other wise?

When people always put themselves above everyone else, they won't find true love. They'll run into the same selfish people who will backstab them.

True love? haha thats really funny. Because if you think about it, are you really ever in love with anyone? Or are u in love with the self-made image of that person? think about it. And if you are referring to that feeling of wanting to die for someone, ya i'v felt it, but than my BRAIN KICKED IN AND REALLIZED that it was just a phase, a feeling. a feeling that mass media is trying to get you to buy into. Who's the one being

brainwash

now?

I feel sorry for you. You've given up on things being better and are condemning your life to selfish, materalistic world of lies, deceit and greed. It's attidudes like yours that prevent this world from being the wondeful place it was always meant to be.

 

yes you are, you are thinking i will feel good after i give to this poor person. i will feel like i contributed to society.

 

No, I'm not. I am thinking "this person needs help, he deserves better then what he's got." I do things for people without every considering what I get from it, how I will feel after, or what society would think. I do it because it's right. Tuesday evening I was walking to the bus to go home. An elderly lady in a wheel chair stops me and tells me that she just missed her bus and she is worried that another bus won't come and that she will be late for the presentation she is going to. She says she feels safer if someone is walking with her and even though it was only a couple blocks it would be up a hill that would make it hard on her. I had plenty of work to do... two quizzes the next day, a test and a project due the day after that... but I didn't hesitate to help her out because I knew it was the right thing to do. I didn't give a thought to how I would feel or what I got from it. I saw someone who needed help, so I helped.

 

maybe I have not had such a sheltered life has someone of you. But from an early age i knew that being selfless will only get you hurt and people will take advantage of you.

 

My life has certainly been anything but sheltered. I've seen more problems and mess then I care to think about. And what I've learned from my experience is that being selfFISH gets you hurt. The problems I've seen has come from being people putting their own wants and ego above what is best for everyone. People get so caught up in what they get and what they want that they don't even notice how much they are hurting someone else. It ends marriages, tears apart families, ruins friendships. I get that you should be aware of things and not let people take advantage of you, but most people aren't like that. Most will react kindly to you, even more friendly if they see are being friendly and thinking about them. Selfless will always be better in the long run.

 

True love? haha thats really funny. Because if you think about it, are you really ever in love with anyone? Or are u in love with the self-made image of that person? think about it. And if you are referring to that feeling of wanting to die for someone, ya i'v felt it, but than my BRAIN KICKED IN AND REALLIZED that it was just a phase, a feeling. a feeling that mass media is trying to get you to buy into.

 

A person who doesn't believe in true love won't understand what we are saying. You don't know how to love someone for them, simply wanting what's best for them and not caring what he get from it. No, I think you do deep down. But something happened that hurt you. It made you bitter and cynical. Now you don't believe that people can actually love someone else unselfishly. Believe me, I've been there. I've walked around in darkness, I've treaded on that side. I've had moments where I think like that, we all do. But I know that it's not right. I know that love's the only house big enough for all the pain in the world. I know that people can put others before themselves not caring what they get from it and still not be taken advantage of.

 

Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing. If you believe it can be like this, you will make it like this.

This is to annie 24.

 

 

I Agree, girls do eventually grow out "Bad boys" , but that's after giving the A-hole about 17 blowjobs. Then he goes and treats some other girl like crap and bangs her a 8 or 9 times.

 

to translate what you said.

"Don't worry - your day will come!"

 

That basically means, all you "nice guys" just sit around and enjoy masturbating until some girl comes a long. then you can kiss her lips which probably taste like penis.

 

NOTE: What I said above was not meant to be an attack. I'm just the type of guy who does not sugar coat things. I am a mix between a "nice guy" and 'bad boy" and get an average share of XX chromo. Not all girls are the same. Not all of them fall of them fall into what i said above.

Basically, the best mix, is to be yourself in front of a woman. "Playfully argue" w/ her and be confident. If you are having a conversation about something & you don't agree w/ her, then be honest about it. Show that you are interested in something else besides her. Giving girls a hard time in a nice way keeps things spicy and sometimes humorous.

haha right on. exactly what im saying.

 

I feel sorry for you that u have to sit at home and masterbate. I guess after you climax you sit there and imagin about true love and relationships while the rest of us go getters are out getting laid.

Precisely what I'm talking about. You are more concerned with "getting laid" then actually having a relationship. Girls hate those guys. And if a girl does like you, you won't know how to make it work. I feel sorry for any girl that is with either of you, they are just asking to get their hearts broke.

 

Then again, maybe I should be thanking you guys. It's jerks like that that make girls see how special a nice guy really is. Your lose is our gain. You'll still be craving a real relationship when we've already got one and you''ll have to wake up to the fact that you blew it when you had the chance.

I agree with Dude. Women respect honesty.

 

I also think there can be a mix of a good guy/ bad boy, and that those guys are the ones that are usually the most successful in dating relationships.

ShySoul

 

 

"Then again, maybe I should be thanking you guys. It's jerks like that that make girls see how special a nice guy really is. Your lose is our gain."

 

Acording to this you should be having many meaningful relatinoships right?

 

and for your information I have had long term relationships, just not at this point in my life. My last long term relationshp lasted over a year and a half. Probably the best days of my life so far. ya it was rewarding, it was nice to be in love. and guess wat? i attracted the girl by fun flirting, charisma, kenisthetics, and many different things. It was a extremely good relationship while it lasted. im sorry is that more than you could say?

 

you are someone that's only talked about love, or imagined it? never accutally felt it? you'v never had someone love you as much as you love them? You'v never looked into a woman's eyes and know that no matter wat happeneds you are untouchable because of that look from her. have you? You'v never felt that you were the the only man on earth for this girl and she the only one for you have you?

 

SO PLEASE UNTIL YOU ACUTALLY FALL IN LOVE STOP LECTURING ME ABOUT IT. BECAUSE I'V BEEN THERE AND YOU HAVN'T. You have alot to say for someone thats never felt anything you are describing, i wonder where you get your information from. books? movies? sure as hell not life experiences.

 

Jerks' like me? im sorry if i can pick my girls. if one dosn't fit my quiteria i go next. Im sorry i want the best i can have. im sorry that I don't take bs from women. Im sorry im not such a "nice" guy.

 

"All is fair in love and war"

we are not attracted to them at all. i know i am just scared that they will hurt me like my last bf did so I havent even been ready for a relationship much less a 'bad boy'

notice my entire post was directed to shysoul. but nice of you to share.

GET YOURS, and once it's all out of your system, find that special woman, who actually cares about you....

 

I cannot say that I agree with this, but I defintiely agree that one can be too nice too much of the time.

 

Some women may prefer nice guy. Few women prefer guys they can treat like door mats. Some women prefer guys who treat them like door mats, even though they might not admit it.

 

Some of the best luck I've had was when I hung around a married woman who always said I was a no-good womanizer nad heart breaker. She'd say it, and all her female friends would hit on me. Why?

I think because they thought they could change you, or saw you as a challenge, or both!

I think because they thought they could change you, or saw you as a challenge, or both!

 

I think that you're might be right. However, the reason they probably did it is that they wanted to make sure they were up to snuff. It was about their egos. If I was a guy who went after women, and did not find one of these women to be attractive, then what did she think was wrong with her.

 

Look at the very famous guys who are known are terrible and unfaithful womanizers, like Bubba Clinton for instance. Women throw themselves at him, even though he is known to be totally unfaithful.

Nice guys finish last until girls realize what they are after usually is a dead end...

 

And what I mean by that, is girls realize after college, these bad boy's are going no where in life, and they usually start to look at the nice guy differently...

 

Life Sucks and then u die... haha