Dealing with a break-up...

What is up---

I'm a 20 year old lady who just broke up with a 28 year old lady. I met her two years ago and fell completely inlove with her- issues and all. She had alot of insecurities and an addictive personality and ontop of all this i met her while she was in a 4 year relationship. Eventually she left her girlfriend to be with me and although we live hundreds of miles apart- we made it work for a year and a half. She was my first girlfriend and first love... i also came out to my parents with her- so losing this huge role in my life has been quite devestating.

That being said i understand that this is a part of life and love. I try and look towards the future with optimism and realize the parts of the relationship that were negative. Near the end it was me travelling to see her all the time (a big financial comittment) and her issues with herself were being taken out on me. She was losing herself in drugs and parties and treated me badly.

It's hard though, when i am still dealing with my parents' issues with my homosexuality to not crave her affection. I remember the times we spent together inlove, in bed, in her car ...and weap.

She recently called me aggrevated that i had not replied to her previous calls. I told her that i couldn't speak to her for a while, that i needed to time to heal. She took this very offensively and basically said 'well then goodbye for good!'. Now i know this is her being hurt and overreacting but i can't help but fall in a rutt whenever i think of not knowing her...'for good'!

Any advice for a first-time-heart-break-victim?

Sandra

Hi Sandra,

You didn't say whether who broke up with who, or who initiated the breakup. Am I correct in saying that you broke up with her?

Either way, a breakup is hard. There were obviously good things about her that you will miss. But I think it is wise that you are no longer in the relationship (whether you wanted to end it or not) because she has a lot of issues to deal with. You can't have a healthy relationship with someone who is a partier and on drugs

You are going to grieve this "unhealthy" relationship and it's going to take time. I think one of the hardest parts of a breakup is dealing with the fact that you might not see that person again. I think she is probably grappling with that same thought. You might want to look at this as temporary, and maybe after some time has passed you can consider being friends again. That might offer some consolation with the "finality" aspect of it all. You might want to express this to her. But in the meantime, maintain other contact, take good care of yourself, get involved with activities, and surround yourself with family and friends.

Take good care,

Michele

whoops, I meant maintain no contact otherwise!