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'affair' with married man in his 20's, ?'s about his actions


EmptySoul

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Please don't reply about how what I am doing is wrong, etc. I'll just ignore you. Only reply about my questions...

 

This man has a young (about 18 ) attractive wife, and he cheats on her, with me. Everyone says they argue all the time, etc. Once she told our gym teacher to call her by her other last name (her maiden name) bc they had split up. But they're still together.

 

Anyway, him cheating on her to have sex is one thing. But now he tells me he loves me. And he asks me to tell him I love him. He's asked me numerous times if I could stand for him to be the person I had sex with for the rest of my life. He's asked me if I would be with him if I got pregnant with his baby. Asked me if I'd want to have his baby. He asked me tonight if I want him to kidnap me, I said "I wish", and he said something about us going to Florida. He said, "You'd have to marry me though, would you marry me?"

 

Of course, I don't believe he actually loves me. He may think he does, bc when I told him he was crazy, he started listing things about my body, and sexual things. Why does he fantasize/get turned on by hearing me say I love him? Why does he like to say he loves me? Why does he like to fantasize about me living with him, me marrying him. Me having his baby?

 

He's already married, and that hasn't been going too well as far as I've heard, and it's obvious since he's cheating on her. But why in the world would he fantasize about marriage when it's already not went well once??

 

Empty

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You answered your own question. Because you are a fantasy relationship. With you, he doesn't have to deal with the normal everyday stuff and the stress that comes with a real committed relationship and marriage. He doesnt have an obligation to take care of you; with her he does and that is stressful and a pain in the rear at times. You're an escape to him. If it were "real" with you, he'd find an escape with someone else.

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Pardon me but I have a few questions...Why did an 18 y/o high school girl get married? Did she have a baby? What's going on there? This sounds like you're talking about a boy not a man!?

 

Yeah you're his fantasy...he's probably not ready to be married and is now acting as though he doesn't have a responsibility to his marriage.

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You can ignore me but being 15 with a 20yr man is messed up. What he's doing to me is wrong b/c a real man doesn't need to have sex w/ a minor. He's nothing but a stupid punk IMO and is wrong for 1) Cheating 2) Having sexual relationships w/ a minor.

 

But then again you young girls are supposed to be so mature for your age etc. etc. Whatever!?!?

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Well you mentioned that when you asked him why he loved you he just talked about your body and you don't believe him when he says that he loves you...and you shouldn't because it sounds like lust, not love...so that should give you a hint as to what he's thinking when he mentions marriage. When he talks about marriage, he's clearly not being serious, just indulging in fantasy. Like the others said, you are his escape from his marriage that he is not happy with and it is most likely mainly about the sex otherwise he would go on about things that he likes about you besides your body and sexual things, like things you have in common etc. but he seems to focus more on the physical. So, I don't think he's serious about the marriage stuff at all. And just because his current marriage isn't going well for him doesn't mean that the idea of marriage doesn't appeal to him, especially the idea of a marriage that is highly unlikely because since you aren't going to get married to him, then he doesn't have to deal with the reality of it, he can just enjoy the fantasy. I guess I am a little confused...why are you with him? Is it just physical or do you see something in him besides that and why are you okay with cheating with him...aren't you worried that he is also being intimate with his wife or other women at the same time, and that him sleeping with you could get him arrested if anyone found out? If I were cheating with someone, even if I didn't feel bad because it is morally wrong, I would probably be jealous about that person sleepin with others such as his spouse (I mean, what are the odds that he wouldn't still sleep with them, despite whatever relationship problems they had) and that they were the official girl and I was the side girl...these things would probably lead me to break things off.

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  • 10 months later...

He doesn't love you. Or he would have ended things with her to be with you.

 

And your letting him talk about bringing a child into the equation!? On purpose!?

 

They are not cuddly little pets you keep around until your sick and tired of them. This is another human being, that you are responsible for 24-7 for the next 20 years. This isn't a joke.

 

Body parts, and sexal tidbits are not the foundation of LOVE. Nor, are they any kind of foundation when he's already married to someone else. When he asked you if you could be married to him, or with his child.. what was running through your head? You know what kind of guy he is. Is he going to do the same thing with you just because you have an argument more often than once a month? Arguing every day, is sometimes how a marriage goes.

 

You have to put effort and real work into it, in order to keep it worth a damn.

 

Tell him to bugger off and find yourself a real boyfriend. Someone who isn't with someone else, and has the gall to think that it's okay to have another girl on the side... and I'm not even going to get into the statutory rape. YOU need to straighten up and get yourself away from this guy.

 

I've been there done that, and by damn I wish I'd had the internet to ask for advice about that moron when I was 15.

Drop the loser. You can certainly do better.

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He's definitely using you, it's called statuary rape, and yes he can get arrested for dating a minor, you're not 18 yet and he's 24. You're his fantasy to him. Good point on a previous post, what if you end up marrying him and like any marriage have arguments, then what's he gonna do, run into another girl!!!!! Ok, that's about it, point taken, I'm not gonna waste time telling you how wrong this is, you didn't came here for that since you say you would ignore it. But yea, get away from him as soon as possible and think about school, your future, and someone who's not in a relation, who's single. Then doesn't this thought come to mind to, what if you do end up getting pregnant and he abandones you with the baby and doesn't care about it? Then you would be left with 18 years of your life caring and nurturing another human being.

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I stopped reading about 6 lines in.

 

When a guy walks down the isle with a woman and declares before god that he will be your lawfully wedded husband til death do you part... and then he goes and cheats on his wife.....

 

Why would you give him 1 ounce of trust, or your heart, or anything when it comes to a serious relationship? I mean... he cheated on his WIFE.... WITH YOU!! HELLO.....

 

So what itll be different with you, because for some reason it just will be different? If he can justify cheating on her, then someday down the road hell justify it with you. maybe you wont fight all the time, maybe just sometimes... but maybe when the relationship is stale, maybe you guys have a rough patch, or whatever.... that coin will flip, and karma will be a b1tch.

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Thread Necromacy. lol I have to remember that one. It seems that the infidelity group is the only group that posts long forgotten (like months or years old) get dragged up. I've called a few of these posts myself.

 

Never understood why some people would want to comment on a post where it's obvious the problem the people came for advice for is either over or the people themselves are long gone from the site.

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