Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12

Thread: girlfriend is terrified of sex

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Houston
    Age
    33
    Posts
    334
    Gender
    Male

    girlfriend is terrified of sex

    Well heres my problem. Ive been with my gf for a year and a half now, and we haven't had sex yet. At first we wanted to hold out because of the attachment issues that would arise afterwards, but now we're at the point where we know we're serious about each other. The thing is, the idea of her getting pregnant literally terrifies her, and has actually even brought her to tears. I'm obviously not going to force her to do anything she doesn't want to, but it's really frustrating. When we do do it, we will be using a condom and she'll be on the pill, but she is still just insanely worried. Maybe I can't sympathize bc I'm a guy, idk. Is there anything I could say to her to maybe help her calm down a bit, and not be so worried about it?

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    212
    If she is on the pill, and you are sure that you will be using a condom, her fear of pregnancy is not rational at all. I assume that even without sex-ed at school she should know enough about her own reproductive system to understand that fact...

    Are you sure that there isn't a more significant underlying problem that is the true reason she doesn't want to have sex?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Age
    35
    Posts
    9,499
    Gender
    Female
    I agree...there is probably something more to her fear than a fear of pregnancy. She could be scared of getting so intimate with someone. Sex can be a scary thing for many reasons. Maybe she has had bad experiences in the past. There are probably some other reasons for her fear. Have you asked her if pregnancy is truly her only fear, because she probably knows that the pill is generally 99% effective.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,206
    Many fears are not rational - we know that flying is the safest form of transport but that doesn't stop people from being terrified anyway.

    Perhaps the best way to proceed would be by stages - you can still reach sexual fulfillment without actual intercourse. Mutual masturbation, oral sex etc. As she becomes more used to her body and her reactions, and used to yours, she may relax and her fears will fade away. Worth trying anyway.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member chai714's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    The End of the Pier
    Age
    41
    Posts
    2,851
    Gender
    Male
    Find out the real reason she's scared. I suspect that she was sexually abused as a child (or adult). Sit down and let her talk to you about it. I had a friend who was in your exact situation, and it turned out his girlfriend was molested as a child, so check into that.

    And if it turns out she was, buy some books to understand how sexual abuse survivors feel so you can be more aware of what it takes to be in a relationship with a sexual abuse survivor.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Houston
    Age
    33
    Posts
    334
    Gender
    Male
    No, its not the actual sex part shes worried about. We are both pretty sexual people, and we've done everything but sleep together. Whenever we talk about it, she seems mostly worried about what her family and friends would think if she got pregnant, and how she would have almost no chance of being financially successful. Shes very, very big on making money and being successful, so I think this makes sense. But what do I say?

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    212
    Have her schedule an appointment with her OB-Gyn to discuss birth control options, and insist to attend the appointment with her. I am sure her doctor has heard many similar concerns and will know exactly what to say to ease your girlfriend's mind; your presense will mean a lot to your girlfriend since you will have the opportunity to show her (by actions, not just words!) that you are just as concerned about this issue as she is...

    Even if this does not solve the problem with her fear of sex, it will make your relationship even stronger.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Middle of Canada
    Age
    40
    Posts
    12,868
    Gender
    Female
    Well if you are using condoms correctly AND the birth control pill also correctly the chances of getting pregnant are very very slim...I mean still "possible" even with perfect use but very small....the pill is 99% effective with proper use (and if she is scared of pregnancy she would use it properly I am sure!) and condoms with proper use are also highly effective. Combined, well your effectiveness just increases.

    She should talk with her doctor about her concerns so they can clear any questions as if as you say she is quite sexual, it may be she truly does have a somewhat "irrational" fear of pregnancy, though she may very well want to have sex. As said, it is never 100%, but it is very very close to it in this case. Don't pressure her, but suggest she does talk to her doc (and go with her if she is open to it) about the risks involved and the birth control she is using.

  10. #9
    Member sweet_bebcho's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    London, England
    Age
    36
    Posts
    64
    I remember I was exactly like your girlfriend. I was complete;y terrified that with my bad luck that I would have sex and get pregnant. It was so bad that I waited until I was 19 before I finally did it. When I finally did it I was completey prepared with condoms, spemicides etc, you name it i got it. So as long as you guys protect yourselves properly then you should have nothing to worry about. You guys can go to your doctor together for some advice on the different birth control methods.

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    5
    theses days you can take a needle for birth control that totally stops your period so you can have sex all you want and cant fall pregnant. You take the needle every 3 months check it out with your OBGYN as i come from australia and not sure if it is in the States.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •