"sexual harassment"

I'm actually very happy to have found this forum...I have such a large weight on my chest that I have no idea where to turn.

My 5 year old son returned from school only to share with me that an older kid on the school bus was making him do "nasty" with his friend....I almost stroked out when he went on to tell me the slang words for female parts, and then demonstrated the very acts he was instructed to do of sexual & oral intercourse. (he said he didn't want to do these things, and the boy started hurting his arm and threatened to slap him, but he still didn't).

I as a concerned parent contacted the principal at Parks Primary in Parks, La. and arranged a meeting ... from then on I was pressured to leave the room for the purpose of an investigation, which I refused (I had an audio recorder on me)...then the principal told me "If you don't believe in me, well then you don't believe in god" I found that to be totally insulting (I trust in god alone)...This is a public school with supposedly zero tolerance for "sexual harassment" as stated in the handbooks given and signed by all parents of the school. Well, after refusing to leave my sons side, I was asked to leave the premises of the school (I took my son with me)....My son was the victim & b/c my son did not perform the acts, the school was not concerned at all. I got so angry I went to our local TV station to do an investigation, filed a police report, and an app. w/ our attorney.

I need any advice I could get on healing my child of this incident that destroyed his innocence, I'm so concerned he might act them out on other children or worse think that what happened to him was his fault. I'm so confused and the way we were treated at the school makes me so angry...I was doing the right thing...and it was treated like nothing! Please help with any advice...

Oh my gosh - I am so sorry to hear this. I can't even imagine what it's like. Ok - so, I'm totally not qualified to deal with something like this, perhaps you should talk to some doctors who can refer you to a very good child psychologist. Hopefully, that can help your son out.

As for the school - I think you should keep talking to your lawyers about what you can do against the school, and what are your rights. I agree - I think staying by your son was the right thing to do.

good luck - I hope it work out, and that the principal gets punished for not doing his job to protect the kids.

i think you were very strong to stay with your son.

keep up this strong front in front of him, dont let him see that its getting to you. it really is a terrible thing that happened, and he may never forget it. talk to him in an adult manner about it, praise him for not doing the things and let him know that he did well.

it sounds strange, and it is just my opinion, but i wouldn't try to avoid talking about it with him. if there is a problem he could be bottling it up, so its best he lets it out to you. if this doesnt work, try a psychologist or counselling. but explain to your son that he can trust the psychologist if you go through with it. he may get a bit weary in the presense of strangers. try talking to him yourself first.

as for the school, i'd say you definitely have a case. good luck with it. let us know how it goes, hope for the best

This is a serious situation. It could have negatively effected your son's sexual identity. Fortunately he showed the character, even at such a young age, to fight against it. That bodes well, because the sad truth is that many people who have been sexually abused tend to become repeat victims. For whatever psychological reasons, they make themselves vulnerable. The fact that he refused shows that this has not happened to him. Good.

My feeling is that you are clearly quite upset by this, as you should be. The treatment you got from the school is blood boiling, for sure. The immediate issue to deal with is the boy who wanted to perpetrate the act on your son. How old is he? Is he also very young, or already a teen?

It is an uncomfortable thing to do, to be sure, but somehow his parents must become involved. If they are truly responsible parents, they must know that their son is headed down a bad path and get him into treatment and a proper course of discipline. Alternatively, they might just deny the accusations. It's a risk to take, and could be unpleasant, but I feel it's that important.

I'm not a therapist or mental health professional, so my opinion is simply that of someone who has read about and knows people who have been through this. Your mental and emotional well being has been challenged by this incident too, so don't neglect that. Your son may be more resiliant than you at this point, and that's understandable.

So I suggest you explore meeting with the parents, and with the school psychologist. Legally, there's not much to be done, but emotionally, for all involved, there's a lot to be taken care of. Best of luck.

Talking to a lawyer is a good idea, because the school will likely listen to a lawyer...Take him to a family physician, and a psychologist too. Tell them the story, then have all that written up. Leagally you can't record someone without their permission. I am pretty sure of that.

Make sure that you know the names of the other children involved too.

Something to consider is to talk to the parents of the other children involved.

Maybe get a time line, of what led up to the harassment. How the kid approached your kid. That would help.

In the future, keep having your son tell you all the things that happen to him that sound weird. I would strongly consider changing schools.

I'd definitely go to the police. This isn't sexual harassment. This is sexual abuse. Thats a criminal act and the older boy needs to be held responsible and hopefully get some treatment.

I also think contacting an attorney is the way to go. It sounds like the school is more concerned about their own protection than the protection of your son. Perhaps a lawsuit will force them into taking some action to hold people accountable.

I hope things work out for you once this is all settled. Definitely get your son into a treatment program as well.

The reason she rightly didn't allow the principal to question her young so, is because he is so young, he is very impressionable and wants to please authority. So, if the principal said, "That boy didn't really touch you, did he?" the young boy would feel pressured to agree with the principal (who is like a teacher that his mom taught him to respect.) The principal could force a false statement out of the boy.

Furthermore, I believe that the laws are different from state to state, but I believe that legally, the parent or guardian has to be there if the police officer wants to take a statement, so as to not pressure the child into saying one thing or the other.

The school can be held liable for this, as their responsibilty is to take care of the children. Obviously, the principal has a lot of incentive to "convince" the boy that he made the whole thing up.

I deleted this post....

You can't punish children in the courts.

It's not to punish the children. It's to hold the school responsible for sexual assaults that happen during school hours, or on the way to school on the bus. It's the school's responsibility to keep the kids safe during these hours.

That is inaccurate. If the school takes action, then they are not liable. If they do nothing, they most certainly are liable. Its not about them controlling the students behavior. Its about how they react once they have been made aware of a problem.

We're not talking about a school that plans to take any action. The school kicked them both off the premises. Thats the part that is unacceptable.

The whole question of the school's responsibility is not the central issue for the poster right now. The most important thing is to stop the behavior and to heal the child. In that, the school can and should play a key role. If they do not, and a long legal battle follows, that distracts the parties from the main focus, the welfare of the children.

My question in all of this is where is the school psychologist / guidance counselor? I understand why a principal doesn't want headaches like this and probably doesn't appreciate the gravity of the situation. As we unfortunately know, this is very common. But just because something is common doesn't mean it isn't extremely harmful and even dangerous! The school psychologist should be the one to get involved here immediately.

I'm going to add that sometimes, a certain amount of sexual abuse is tolerated by the old saying "boys will be boys." Just remember the Mepham High School football team in Long Island! When people woke up to what was really going on, it became a national issue. Sex abuse, at any age, is a crime and must be prevented. Period. The victims must be protected and given necessary treatment. That must be the main focus.

Well - to stop the behavior, the school HAS to get involved. She can't pull her child out of school. If she's in the states, then every child under 18 has to be in school full time, unless they have graduated, or have a GED. So, unless she wants to home-school him, legally, she has to send him off to school everyday.

But, if the school won't acknowledge that there's a problem, then what is she supposed to do? Clearly, there's inadequete supervision of the children. These are 5 year olds we're talking about!

Boys will be boys and there are 30 students per classroom is not an excuse! When I was in elementary school, I didn't hear of anything like this happening. But, perhaps because I was a girl.

Legally, the mom has an obligation to send her kids off to school, and the school has an obligation to keep them safe while they're there. Those are the laws.

Now, if a sexual assault happened on the back of the school bus, and the bus driver didn't notice, no, the bus driver would not be held accountable. But, if the school was informed about this, and they didn't do anything to try to stop it, then the school can most certainly be held liable.

I absolutely agree with almost everything posted above...I knew some type of counseling was necessary, but wasn't sure which way to go when choosing the best qualified....

From what was investigated (TV) we feel confident the boy is in either 4th or 5th grade, so I think that would put him @ 8-10 years in age...give or take (if in proper grade). I wanted to contact the parents of the boy, but the school refused to turn over any information to the investigator (I don't know if this is standard procedure).

**I was just informed every child on the bus was questioned, but when independently investigating, found out most of the children questioned didn't ride the bus that day -- and many were not (one being our next door neighbor who witnessed my son telling the bus driver of the incident).

I have in fact researched other schools, considered homebound, and private...I have every intention of never sending him back.

Prior to the meeting with the principal I was severely upset and out of fear I grabbed my audio...in Louisiana one person needs to know a recording is taking place and that could be the recorder themselves (as far as I'm aware of). I did it for our protection, and it has been turned over as evidence. There is no school counselor, I'll have to get my own.

I must as a parent stay strong, thank you for reminding me, because it's so easy to forget when faced with such emotional situation. The bus driver heard the commotion in the bus, called my son forward asked what happened...my son stated "they are slapping me, and telling me nasty." I don't think the bus driver admitted this to the school, but we do have witnesses.

These types of people normally aren't the most reliable wittnesses, other children and the bus driver. You should move him to another school, let the school deal with the boy in their own way. You also have to teach your own child sexual boundaries and what is and is not appropriate on the bus, in the classroom, etc.

Kids unfortunately learn by watching others. He needs to be better directed than many other kids would be.