A little about my problem...

Ok, heres the thing with me... I have been married to a great guy, for almost 4 years. We have two beautiful kids, and are really happy together, and as a family. The problem is, I am unhappy. We have been together since I was 17, and I never really got the oppurtunity to date around much, and be 100% sure that he is the one that will make me happy for the rest of my life. I know this is so unfair to him, but what do I do? Do I continue to be unhappy and unsure? Or do I do something about it? It seems like either choice sucks.

I also have met someone that I think is great. When I meet someone like him, that makes me think that there is more, and I could have more.

Maybe I am just bored.

If you are bored then concentrate on your husband and kids and find exciting things to do with him and with them. Cheating on your husband, who has done nothing to deserve it, at least from your post, is not the answer.

You should have thought about that before you had kids is my opinion. You have no business meeting anyone else. If you are happy with your husband, have a good marriage and good kids, then the problem is with you and you have to either seek counseling or develop some hobbies so you aren't bored.

Thankyou.

heh, I hear this sort of scenario more often than you might think. In fact a friend of mine is sorta in the same situation. He and his g/f have been together for about 3 years now and they made the mistake of talking about their previous sex partners. The problem? She's had several guys; she was his first. He is the type of guy that he wants to bang a lot of women, especially asians for some reason.

They have no children, however I do not interfere in their relationship. From a third person point of view, it is obvious he wants to go have sex with other women and I think it's disgusting and dishonorable since he has a great woman with him now that has had to put up with a lot of BS and gives more than he does. Quite simply, he is immature but she is not.

For the life of me I can't understand what the deal is with people who have carnal desires of wanting to go around and have sex with all these different people, especially those that feel like they "missed out" at some point in their life. Why? What is going to be so great about have sex with this person? You think it's going to be different? How? Do you think that a possible difference in how a person has sex is going to make ending your current relationship all worth it? Here's a newsflash for anyone who might be reading this...practically everyone "feels the same" when you're having sex. Yeah yeah, I realize everyone is a little different in some ways, but for the most part it's all the same. We are all humans...we all have the same genitals.

I wasnt talking about sex with someone else. I cant really help the fact that I have kids. The main reason that we got married is because I was pregnant. I get that I just need to learn to be happy with my situation, and not think about what my life could have been like if I did things differently in the past.

Wait. It isn't that simple. Sometimes people fall out of love, or were never in love to begin with. You are by no means the first person to be experiencing this. People marry for all kinds of reasons. Maybe the reasons sounded good to you then but, years later, do not. Sometimes one person is much happier than the other in a relationship, depending on what fulfills them. You are not a bad person. You have doubts. That makes you human and normal. I applaud you for not going outside the marriage and then asking yourself the questions after the fact. Have you spoken to your husband about your feelings? You really should. Everyone deserves to be happy. And no one should ever settle. You can't live for your kids solely, because one day they grow up and leave the nest, and then where are you? What in your life fulfills you besides your children? Do have have interests separate from those of your husband? Divorce should be, in my book, the very last resort after all other options have been exhausted. Like couples' counseling. In my case, I was unhappy and my then-husband was happy. We have two children and are divorced two years. We have a better relationship now than we ever did as a couple and the children have lots of people in their lives who love them. As well as two loving homes.

Here are my two cents. First off, if you've got a great husband and kids, why the heck would you want to look elsewhere? Besides that, even if your husband was not that great, it still gives you no right to look elsewhere. You can't put your husband and children through an affair or possible divorce because of your selfish personal feelings. Can you imagine what that would do to your children, to live in a broken home???? This guy that you say you met, if let's say you left your husband for him, or cheated behind his back and he later found out, it would destroy your family. Besides, what would guarantee you that this guy won't later leave you? You'll be left with nothing.

Nothing in life is certain. I wouldn't risk your marriage for these feelings that you are having. As Iceman said, go find counseling or get involved in different things to keep yourself from being so bored. Play with your kids. Be a great mother to them. Do not make a mistake that I am 100% certain you will later regret!

Well, it seems you are in a rut with your husband. You find yourself seemingly bored in your current relationship. Normally, not a problem if you can just get out of it easily, but once you are married and have children, things get more complicated. We all want to butterflies in our stomaches when we see them, we want the fireworks to go off when we kiss.

The lousy thing is that once you are together a while, the fireworks stop going off, no matter how good it was together. The stars, fireworks, butterflies, etc, all come from tension, tension caused by the possibility that things could go one way or the other. When you get in a relationship, the tension stops. You pretty much know what the other person is going to do on most nights. Things become routine. There is no excitement.

Unfortunatley, you never got a chance to learn about the waning excitement in most relationships. You've been together since you were 17. And, you admit, pretty much to wanting it and worrying you missed out on it. However, we all need to realize that the excitement wears off, and we need to find other things to keep us in the relationship. Either that, or we move from one relationship to another and another.

So, I see you have a few options.

The one I'd recommend, figure out a way to put some excitemetn back into your relationship with your husband, that would be the best thing. You'd feel what you wanted to feel and would avoid the complications and THE HEARTACHE of splitting up. Now in order to get this, you may need to both get a little creative and to learn about how it occurs and how tocreate it. I think you need to probably create some in your husband first, and it can be done, then work on getting him to give you what you want.

Now, you could miss excitement for emotional reasons or other reasons. You will need to figure out what you are missing.

I talk about these ideas in terms of a mankeeping a woman here:

link removed

The second option I'd hope you try, accept the situation as is and keep trying to get some excitement. Just because you don't get excitement next month does not mean it will never come.

If you learn and work at it and it just does not change, you need to make a choice. Make it carefully. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence, and when it is, sometimes it's because it is growing over the septic tank.

I think being pregnant is the wrong reason to get married because if you don't love that person (you shouldn't have had sex with them) you shouldn't marry them and possibly ruin it for your child b/c they'll live in an unhappy house and won't know how a family is supposed to work.

However, I think that you should talk to your husband and tell him that you are missing something in the relationship. Relationships are based on communication. Communication helps a relationship survive. Everyday make it imperative to tell your husband what you like about something he does and tell him what you think he could improve on to help the relationship thrive. But of course it has to be in a respectful tone or else he'll become very defensive and miss everything you are trying to say.

Hope I helped!

Jaiva