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Thread: Book - He's Just Not That Into You

  1. #1
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    Book - He's Just Not That Into You

    I'm interested in hearing from both gals & guys. Have any of you read this book, or excerpts? I have seen the authors on TV & have read excerpts & I tend to agree with their premise.

    What do all of you think?

  2. 04-02-2005, 01:56 PM

  3. #2
    Administrator kamurj's Avatar
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    Amazon has an excerpt of that book. link removed

    The publisher (Simon Spotlight) has even more link removed

    It is number 58 among their bestseller's which is a top spot I guess ranking above Pop's biography, Star Wars and Who Moved My Cheese?.

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    The problem I have with any relationship book is that they tend to categorize people. In my experience that is a mistake because we are all individuals with different personalities, upbringing, experiences and desires. There are so many variables as to make the book useless.

    You meet someone, he seems to treat you like one of the descriptions in the book, and so you say "Ah, OK, he is ... whatever seems to fit." So you proceed on that assumption, when in reality he may be doing whatever he is doing for entirely different reasons.

    It's a bit like reading a medical dictionary - after a while, you have every symptom in the book. But you really don't.

    Manuals and instruction books are hard enough to decipher for inanimate objects, like dishwashers or self-assembly furniture. And those things are simple compared to complex human beings.

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    Bronze Member CarrieB123's Avatar
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    I haven't read the book, and agree that books/manuals regarding relationships can only truly generalize, but I think this books intent is to make women feel better not worse. If "he is not that into you" you probably were already thinking that before you ever picked up the book, so I say go with your gut.

    I think a lot of what the book says it truly "tough love" if you call him 50 times a week and he returns 2 of those calls, most likely "he is not that into you."

    I haven't bought the book, cause "he is that into me" and I don't need a book to tell me that.

    I am a fan of any book that helps women get out of bad/unhappy relationships. And a fan of the origination of the book which was a scene in "Sex and the City" and a fan of WOMEN!!!

    And if "he's not that into you" WHO CARES, for every guy who's "not that into you" there are 50 that are, keep lookin!!!!

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    Hmmm. Your opinons are interesting. I don't think the point is/was to make women feel like crap. I think they were really trying to be helpful & to advise women be less "easy" (this doesn't necessaily mean sexually easy). What I agree with is that a lot of women tend to make excuses for men they don't even know well, deceive themselves about how interested a man really is & give more chances than they should.

    For example, the the book mentions if a man says "I'll call you Sunday morning " and then doesn't, many women tend to obsess about it & then start making excuses, like "maybe he had some kind of emergency", "maybe is phone is broken", "maybe he had to go into the office", etc., etc. - when the fact is, it's more likely that it just wasn't that important to him to call when he said he would....indicating that "He's Just Not That Into You". Oprah had a show with the authors & she interviewed several successful, nice looking men who basically confirmed what the book says.

    One said he has A list girls, who he is sure to call as promised & whose calls he will answer no matter what, B list girls, who he will call, as promised, if nothing better comes up - or comes along and C list girls, who he'll call when he's desperate for companionship (or looking for sex). He said he'll give both B list girls & C list girls "booty calls", at the last minute & he claimed most of them will answer those calls - SAD - makes you feel for the B & C list women. I think the book teaches women to be honest with themselves & teaches them how to assess if they're A list or something less.

    The male of the 2 authors says when a man is really, really interested, nothing will keep him from calling when he promised & darn near nothing will keep him from taking her calls, or calling her right back, fi he absolutely cannot take her call immediately. He said in his case, once he met "her", he wanted to see her & speak to her a lot - not only because he really liked her, but also because he didn't want to leave her free, too often, or for too long, to give her a chance to find someone else.

    All this makes sense to me because every man I've had a long-term relationship with, has called me at least once a day, wanted to see me every chance he had & when I've called him asking if he's busy, he's answered something like "never too busy for you".

    Does this stuff make sense? Or do you think they're incorrect & too hard on men?

  8. 04-02-2005, 02:51 PM

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    Sometimes guys don't make their feelings known, don't call a lot, etc, etc, not because he aint into you, but because he is shy perhaps??

    Mars & Venus totally rejects this book incidentally. John Gray claims that just because a guy doesn't call, etc, etc, doesn't necessarily mean that he aint into you. You have to be a paid up member of Mars/Venus to read the article tho, would be interesting to see what their explanation of why a guy doesnt call, is.

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    montelesa - no, I really grasp the point well. I think maybe you misundertood me.

    Correct, I doubt many women want a guy like that & correct, they are jerks. However, the whole point of the book is to let women know, the ones who may not already know, that the fact is, there are men like that out there - just as I'm sure there are some non-quality women out there, too - and that this is how you can expect those kinds of men to act. This stuff is obvious to many of us, but apparently not obvious to some women, or there wouldn't be women available to answer those booty calls, or to be satisfied with B & C list (because they don't know that's what they are). So, women should stop making excuses & deceiving themselves when a man behaves in that manner.

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    Bronze Member CarrieB123's Avatar
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    Ok, I have girl friends who fall in the B&C cat. and I know they want a good guy and a real realtionship, but they end up meeting these loser guys who treat them badly.

    Then I have some girl friends who would fall in the A cat. and they are dotted on and adored by nice guys, then my A list friends dump the nice guys and leave them heartbroken. WEIRD! I dont get it.

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    CarrieB - one explanation for women dumping the good guys & going for the jerks is that maybe they are accustommed to some type of verbal or emotional abuse (usually from childhood, could be from a former relationship), so that feels "familiar" & being treated well & with much respect feels "unfamiliar", thereforeeee somewhat uncomfortable.

    I really think that anyone, female or male, who is constantly getting involved with a person who doesn't treat them well, needs to examine why that is.

    Does this make sense?

  13. #10
    Bronze Member CarrieB123's Avatar
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    The thing is the A type girls are not dummping them for jerks, they are doing it out of bordem. And I am not saying that my A type friends are A type personalities, I love them, but they are much like a certin Hotel Arise we all know.

    Where the "B and C" type girls are really nice, down-to-earth types, in reality.

    I called them ABC types because of how they are treated by guys that put them into those cat.'s not how they actually are.

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