Is there usch a thing as a secondary incest victim?

I found out in August that my father had sexually assaulted my older sister. She was 22 at the time. This has really messed me up. I have offer help to my sister but she said she just wanted to forget it. My dad died in September and I never confronted him about it. I told my mom but she wasn't really shocked at all. It seems like I am the only one who thought this was really wrong and that my dad was a bad person. Is abuse considered ok if the victim is "okay" with it? I don't think so but at his funeral everyone thought my dad was such a good person. I just wanted to scream the truth but I kept queit. He had done many other bad things before but I had always ignored it and thought that you had to be loyal to your family no matter what. Now all my ideas on loyalty and family are skewed. I have dreams about it constantly and I feel so angry at him but I can't do anything.

NO sexual abuse is not okay even if the victim "seems" okay with it. Your sister probably doesn't want to deal with the hurt/ emotional distress it caused her. She'll eventually talk about it or seek help for it even if she doesn't get it from you. The thing that is most important is that if there are people in the future who do things that you know is wrong confront them when you can but do it calmly so they won't be automatically defensive.

Hope I helped!

Jaiva

Your concern for your sister is admirable! It shows you have a good conscience and have morals. Good for you!

Your sister may not want to discuss this with you. It is a tramatic thing to go through for anyone. Your mother and family probably don't want to talk about this skeleton in the family's closet and perhaps it's their way of dealing with it...by not thinking about it.

I suggest that you just say to your sister that you are there for her if she ever needs to talk. There's not much else you can do but be there for support.

You may also want to talk to a counselor to get this "off your chest".