step parenting issues

Hi, I am new here and I am looking for advice on step parenting. When I got married, my husband had 2 kids (12, 13) living with him full time. I was married for 13 years then I got divorced (my husband was abusive). His daughter, now 30 years old, lives not far from me and my boyfriend. She has a 13 year old daughter. We have (or I thought we did) a great relationship and I'm grandma to her kid. She has asked us if we would raise her daugther if she passed away. She lived with us for a while when she was having financial trouble and calls me her mom etc. She is not talking to her father because he is also mean to her. She ran away from home when she was 15 because he was abusive.

Yesterday, she called me to say she was putting her finances in order. She has a fairly large life insurance and of course it goes to her daughter should she pass away. But, she said she was thinking of putting the thrust fund in her father's name and that I would have to ask him whenever I needed money for her daughter. But then she thought that would be to complicated and decided that since she thrusted me with her daughter, she could thrust me with the cash. Then she said if both her and her daugther passed away, all the money would go to her dad. Her mom is on welfare and she has two other brother and a sister. I was furious, I mean this is the father that cancelled Christmas last year so he could take a two week holidays in Florida with his girlfriend. She told me he was a selfish jerk, but yet leave everthing to him. I don't want her money, but I felt betrayed, I have spent the last month listening and holding her while she was crying about her recent breakup. Am I being selfish or unreasonable, I don't understand?

I know where you are coming from. My mother raised my half brother and half sister, while their mom couldn't be bothered to deal with the responsibilities of parenting.

Now that their mom is more responsible, they pretty much ignore my mom and visit with their mom, and my half sister takes my niece over to visit her birth mother, but not my mom. My mom gave those two the best years of her life and she doesnt even get the recognition for raising them.

Anyways, I dont blame you for feeling the way you do. Its the thought that counts. If I were you, I might ask her why she would leave money to the father after all he has done. Be upfront and honest, if you view this woman as your daughter, then tell her how you feel. Maybe there is a reason behind what she is doing.