!@#$%^&* -- please please please help me!!

Please respond, this post is big but you got to help me out here.

Onwards continues something from my prev. post which is linked to this new problem of mine --

1) Me and my gf live in different cities currently. we have our relationship of 1 yr and some months right now.

She has made a new fd (boy), who is now having very good terms with her.

They chat everyday -- in the school, on the phone, in the tuitions...

I have known this guy before and he was interested in my gf, (then also they were fds but not as they are).

She tells everything to me and her new fd., as i didnt like this guy, i had told her, but as she convinced me that i should always think positively and that this fd of hers is good in nature, and whatever may happen, even she has spent time with this guy more someday, has laughed with him, talks to him etc, i shouldnt be bothered much cuz in the core of her heart she will love me and only me.

In this situation i sometimes find it hard to do things this way ( always being positive ), cuz of some situations such as what happened yesterday and sometime back.

I had called her, she kept my phone after 2 mins saying that a waiting call is coming and i should call back after some time, when i do for the next 20 mins its still on waiting... she tells me it was her new fd, i got angry, but then again she explained that i shouldnt feel this way etc.

some of my fds(in the same school of hers) tell me that theres something going on between these 2, but whenever she calls me, she tells me everything she remembers what had happened...everything (i believe).

I sometimes find that she would want to be with this guy(as her gf), as my fds etc say and some incidences, but the confusion is created when that if at all she wants to be with that guy why does she tells me everything they did (whether i would feel bad or not, cuz i have told her not to hide anything)....

do you guys think that this girl is doing something wrong against me, or do you think that she is absolutely fine and I should be more positive in this manner..

2) One thing which happened today when i went to meet her was that she said that her fd had come yesterday and she had told him about the fight we had gone through (about the phone -- waiting etc).

Now if she has told her fd (her new fd had told everything about him and his gf), she has also told me about this. If she wanted then she could have never told me. this is what confuses me sometimes...

but i guess i will give her the trust she wants (give her a fair chance), as i am in a ldr so is she.. it was hard for both of us...

i think that i should not be going too deep into what has happened and what did they both do (cuz i have for the past many months and have ruined my studies for this), and even if something does happen (which i dont like -- and she tells me about it) i will just tell her that i didnt like this stuff and she should be more careful about this for the next time.. i mean i would try not to worry too much about this fdship of hers , i hope.

Also one important fact -- she loves her fds very much and treasures the fdship more than anything else.

I would try to give her the wings she wants -- afterall me moving to a diff. city was our idea.

I sometimes do think that she likes the company of that boy than me (we hae met only 3 times in the past 25 days and in the next 10 days i would be leaving in which i can only meet her once (max.) and wont b coming back till next year).... i guess that happens cuz we dont have much to share about things -- like when i was here we used to talk about what happened in the school etc but now as we are in diff cities and things are diff.. she talks to that guy concerning all these topics..

So the point is --

Should I give her more trust and space for the time being and stop acting and behaving jealous (even if she talks to him more than she talks to me -- even when i am here)..... but one prob comes here also .. i do want to stop feeling jealous but this whole thing has made me ..... i dont know what...>> i was not able to concentrate on my studies and also my fun time for whole 8 months ... thats a huge waste of time...

and that too all cuz of my jealousy inspite of her convincing me that if she had to ditch me she would have long back, and also would not be telling me stuffs that i could have never known...

3) Now yesterday I met her and she said that I gotta decide that whether I am gonna trust her or my fds about what they say which makes me feel bad.

I said that i would go with u and we both agreed on the point that i should not have any problem with her new fd as he really is a nice boy and she knows him better. I agreed and myself decided that I probably am wrong about this guy and should give my gf her space to make fdship with this guy cuz he may be really good and nice.

Then now I came to know that her 'new fd' spends time with a boy at pool(who is my fd but her new fd doesnt knows about this), and he (new fd) tells him that he is gonna F*** my gf in a months time and thats what he is upto nowadays....

and this really is the truth as my another fd was also there and he listened it as well.

Now what can I do ?? How can I tell my gf about it cuz she will be mad at bringing this topic again and she wont be believing me at all at this thing? please tell me how to decipher this face of her new fd in front of her....

please please please moderators, users, members, everybody reply fast.

If she is putting you on call waiting to talk to her friend, then you are not as special to her as she tells you that you are. I personally would not do that to my boyfriend.. and I don't think alot of girls would.

You say you are in a different city. This just makes it easier for her to get with him. I'm sorry but it seems to me that you are on the way out. Maybe she doesn't want to hurt you so she tells you all these things about how you are more important, but the proof is in how she acts not what she says. What do her actions tell you?

I think that even if you tell her what this other boy said about her she may not believe you and will think you are making it up because you are jealous. All in all she seems to defend him to you, but never takes your side... you are always wrong and he is a good guy she says.. right? She tells you that you are wrong for feeling like you do (neglected and hurt) but does not apologize for making you feel this way.

Does that sound like a loving girlfriend to you?

yes thats right for what u just asked.

thats what is the problem that how could i convince her that this boy is just playing games, pretending to be nice to her and she is completely hypnotised with his effect. how could i tell this to her or show her new fds true face thats what is confusing me.

yes she does consider him to be her BEST FD and feels that i am always jealous thats why i do that things.... she will think that i had made it up about her new fds saying that >>> what to do >> how to prove??

i m getting mad on how to tell her this?? she wont believe me //?/ how the hell is this happening >> yesterday only i decided that i may b wrong about this guys intentions and would only want true fdship but now it really has pissed me off ............

and the saddest thing that i cant tell her and even if i do, she wont believe??

I need help, help help

HELP

should i call and tell her this and then somehow gather the proofs in front of her or should i just first gather the proofs and then reveal it to her??

but i also dont know how to gather the PROOFS??

also if i tell her now, she may not believe it at all and when i try to put forth the proofs she might again repel me or push me away that she doesnt want to hear this non sense etc... also if i tell her now she might tell this to her new BEST FRIEND and then he might b more careful and my gathering proofs will be zero from then..

the only way is that i get his voice recorded and then call my gf and him both and then play it in front of them... is it possible?? wud it b right??

HOW TOGET IT RECORDED???

some body please reply.

She wont believe me if i tell it to her on the phone or on her face ... she gets very very angry when this topic comes up... almost fills her eyes with tears that why everytime this topic has to come up...

and if i tell her this time.... she would just get pissed off as just yesterday evening we both decided not to bring this topic and in yesterday night i came to know about this info.

Dude, that's a waste of time to show her that he wants to screw you and etc. You have to beat ALL these guys. Like you have to screw her before they do (this sounds stupid but ya gotta do it lol). As for this new friend crap and she's hanging out with him and stuff. That's bad. When a girl tells you all about this "new guy" that's a bad sign. The girl usually ends up leaving you for him. So you have to be better then all these egotistical guys. What guy says he's going to screw a certain girl in approximately a certain time?? It's not planned lol. How egotistical of that loser. He must think he's hot ****. XD. Whatever her "friend" is doing that means you need to adapt some of his stuff or at least make your own but better stuff to beat his personality(by adding it to your personality). (My god I feel like an idiot typing this lol). He's doing something your not. So pay attention when she blabs about this "friend" of hers. Oh yeah, just a thought; don't be surprised if you hear a rumor that she's cheating on you. Probably true.

i have heard about many rumours (probably true), from the past many months....

she is very very i dont know what for this guy>> she talks about his way of dressing which is good and other nonsense>> but the thing being as i dont stay in her city i cant show her my personality/// what to do now??

i just hate that guy, cuz my gf trusts him and has made him his best friend but he inturn has no respect for her when he says something of this sort to ppl... i hate him.

what to do now buddy?? ?please please please tell me.

Next time pick a girl that lives in your city/goes to same school. It's just easier to turn out better and you get to see what's going on and if she's cheating and etc. I really don't know what to do, I can't think it's late.

Well Good night.

Hey mavrick,

Oh, I can totally understand that hearing things like this are very upsetting. However, I think if you really trust your girl 100%, you shouldn't have to worry about her friend. That is easier said than done. We can all get really paranoid when our partners regularly see someone that likes them 'in that way'.

To be honest, I don't think there is much that you can do. If you will bring this up in a conversation with her, I am sure she will be upset. She might even think that you are purposely looking for reasons that would make her not see this guy.

I think that your focus should be on her, not on him. If it's too hard to do, remember that these things are really much more difficult because of the distance. It doesn't mean you are obsessed, it simply means you cannot deal with the issues that sort of become heavier in ldr.

I wish you strength,

Ilse.

Mavrick,

She will probably say you are a jealous and make you feel bad about the accusations. Even if you tell her and prove to her that he wants to have sex with her, you don't know if she wants to have sex wiht him too...she might choose to ignore your warnings because she likes him back.

You have no way of knowing what is really going on between them.

What I was asking you to do was to look at your relationship with her. It looks to me like you are getting sent to second place...LDR are not easy and this guy is alot closer to her than you are. He gets the advantage of seeing her every day...you don't ...this puts stress on the relationship...and your relationship is already very stressed.

I think you are going to have to let her find out for herself what his intentions are. She is not going to believe you or listen to you, sometimes people just have to see things on their own. I think in this case you have done all you can. If he is a jerk, she will see it eventually.

Please go thru this --

Day before yesterday while on the phone with my girl friend I told her that this was the complete thing and this is what ur NEW fd told his fd. I asked her not to tell it to her new fd cuz he wont accept this at all.

But she did asked him, the boy obv said no and explained things to her in a different manner and said that he hasnot said this etc... we (me and my fds) went over to the place of the person who was told the BAD thing by her new fd... he said that yes he did said that but he doesnt want to ruin his fdship with him cuz he has many thugs and boys who will beat him afterwards so he wont give us his help.

Now, my gf after having a talk with her NEW fd who told her things in a different way and obv not telling that he said the BAD thing, is convinced that he might not have done it.

I told her that she should have given me more time to prove this to her and there was no need to tell this thing to her new fd. And now, I dont know what to do>? she thinks that her new fd might be right and i got the wrong information.... what should i do??? sometimes i think that i had better stop talking to her only so that i live my life as a better person cuz she doesnt gives me the trust and the belief i want which i deserve from what position i am at.... and also she says that she is with me (mine in matters of love), but her actions always dont show it>> her actions show that she would rather have the NEW fd, cuz whenever i mention this new boys name and tell her what he had did in the past and what he does(which obv this boy hides from her), she has tears filled in her eyes & is angry with me saying that u dont really know him and dont blame ppl u dont know cuz she knows better as she talks to him everyday.

WHAT ShOULD I DO??? ??? ???????? ???????? ???????? ???????? ???????? ???????? ?????

I joined this forum recently to seek some peace and may be little bit of advice from the forum. I have gone through the problems being told by other members and not surprised to find many of the problems similar to what I feel is a big problem in my life. I am narrating my experience in very few lines and hope this is enough to get started

I am a married man and very fast approaching to 40. Before marriage I had very big dreams about married life with lot of colors spread around. In India it is a dream comes true if we have friendship/affair before marriage and in my case it was not there. After marriage I have realized that it is better to stay alone and try to live in your fantasies . The problem here is similar to what other people narrate in this forum.

My wife is ill-tempered, short-sighted and frigid. The other necessary ingredients of happy married life like love, sex are also mixing. Whereas due to all this type of happenings, my mind has got totally aligned towards sexual fantasies. I do watch porn whenever I am alone and I have also become a regular smoker. I have kept everything hidden from my wife as I am very much aware of her tolerance level. Apart from sex I also fantasize about a very good long-distance friend with whom I can share day to day happenings in my life and who is not interested in knowing about my whereabouts. I seek from forum about the advice / guidance to live this life happily. I think I have already defined my happiness and I am content to live in this type of environment as thinking of divorcing her is extremely difficult here in India. Do you feel that I have compromised my life due to sake of society or the way chosen by me is OK till I don't have negative feeling about my life? Is any one there to under stand my problem? From email removed

The fact that he has a girlfriend is a good sign. It means there's less chance of them actually having sex. I've also seen a lot of people in long distance relationships form close friendships with people of the opposite sex.

Having said that, the 'phone bit was insensitive of her at least, if not rude and you need to establish the boundaries with her.

find someone new. it'll help you alot.

find someone new. it'll help you alot.

Although I sometimes tell people to dump an unsuitable partner, I tend to see it as a last resort. If they can redraw the boundaries, it can work out.

I'm also more inclined to advise people to stay together more if they have commitments and dependents in common.