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VHSshowdown...you are right my friend!!!


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Well, my EX just called and wants to get together tonite. That is pretty cool, didnt think I would hear from her until Easter or something.

 

keefy, on the Bday issue, dont go to over board with it. keep more as friends level, unless something happens between now and then. you dont want to come on too strong. Thats just my opinion though.....

 

And coda, Im sure your EX misses you too. Its hard to forget someone and not think of them, no matter what has happened in the past.

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Well keefy, I understand your need to want to talk with her. I really do, especially we she contacts you first. But the problem is, and she basically told you also, that you have to leave it with "friends-type talk" and that is it. I know it is hard, I have the same problem right now with my EX.

 

Last nite she came over after she got off work, and we hung out. Everything was real cool, but the one of the first things she says when she got over, is I cant stay tonite, etc... I dont have a problem with that. I really dont. But as the nite goes on, and we are having a good time, I couldnt help her looking at the clock every so often.

 

Well eventually we get closer, and start frisky, and damn she cuts it off. I am like what is it. Well, really didnt like what I thought was an excuse, so I called her on it, and said its her bf isnt it. He is fixing to get off, an you want to be there dont you, etc.... I told her in so many words, what you are doing is wrong. I get you up, make you feel like a million bucks, and then you go spend time with someone else. That makes no sense. You tell me you think about me when you two are together. There again your actions speak louder than your words.... So whether all this is true on her part, I really dont know, but it is out in the open now on my end.

 

So then I am like what do you want from me, etc... And I told her she has to decide, for one I dont play second fiddle to no one, and 2, everything about all this is at YOUR convenience, and 3 she says she wants to marry me, she loves me not him, etc.... and 4, if you have someone else, why am I even in the picture then?? You tell someone all this within a weeks time, and you are still gonna see other people, are you nutz??? So, needless to see, I lost it last nite AGAIN!! She is like she is such a bad person, blah blah blah, but she doenst consider changing!

 

So now I am thinking and I told her this, that I am considering not seeing her any more. I will decide soon, dont know what I want..... So what I say and what I do, are pulling me in different directions right now. IT SUCKS!!

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Ya, I appreciate it keefy, I know what you are saying, I really do. All the drama at the beginning of this week, and the last few weeks, has got me out of who I want to be, and brought back who I used to be sort of. I dont like that. Everything you say is true, and I have said it before, easier said than done.....

 

So, she left last nite, giving me all different numbers to call her at work (cause I felt like she didnt want me calling there) and a note at the bottom, 'perversly unreliable' with an arrow to her initials. basically what it boils down to she wants me in her life no matter what (on her terms) and I can call anytime and we will hang out. So what would you do??

 

So that is where I am at, decide whether I want to move on, or be a part of her life, and ignore what she says, and just watch her actions, and keep my left guard up. Granted, we did hang out and talk more this week than we have in along time, so I dont know. I need a book to learn to keep my emotions in check when you are very close to someone and you dont want the emotions to get in the way....

 

No I understand what you are going thru to. Age isnt that big of a factor. But ya, I think if you give some NC a try for awhile, talk to your EX as her friend, you will show her you have taken the next step, and I think she will respect you for that. You stated that your EX really doesnt have a name for her relationship currently, I heard that last nite too... They are just dating, or whatever..... I almost said something last nite, "do you have a book you get all this garbage from, or do you make it up as you go??"

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Keefy, you are right. It is a new relationship, I have said that before, and I still forget and blow it. I dont know if I am willing to bow down to her either. I dont know. I see that compromise is a big thing right now, and I did get her to realize that to an extent. If she will take it to heart, I doubt it....

 

Tomorrow is Easter, I am going to a casino for the day, get away from it (her) for awhile, relieve this stress I have been feeling. I am sure she will call tomorrow, and leave a message, which is fine. I wont return her call, and i am not going to call her Monday or Tuesday. She will probably call me Wednesday if she doesnt hear from me (after she told me to start calling her at work). I will have to decide what I wanna do. Part of me says cut my losses. The other competitive part says, this other guy is weak, and she has been calling me continuously. Which tells me even more she isnt happy....... As you can probably tell, I am changing with the wind right now and thinking as I write, which is not good!! But I dont regret saying what I said last nite now.

 

So my choices are as follow:

1) no contact, move on, dont look back

I have done this before, so she knows I am capable of it....

2) continue seeing her as is, with a few minor changes I set last nite

 

3) get a plan together to get this weak guy out of her life.

 

those are my options. I will be deciding the next few days what to do...

 

So what do you think??

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Well, dont beat yourself up over if. We all fall back when trying to do something we dont want to. You almost have to treat it like practice, practice makes perfect....

 

Anyway, next time you get the "urge" to email her, do it, but dont send it, or post it on here, or something instead of actually sending it to her. So then hours or days later you can re-read it, and see if you feel the same way later on.... It may help. I used to write stuff everyday, but never felt like sending them at all....

 

My EX just called me and acting all pissy and stuff. And she was like here is my work number, and you can call me and I will come get what she forgot the other nite. And I was whenever is fine. And then she went off on me, "you DEMAND all this of me the other nite, want to be able to call me and now you are gonna renig on it" blah blah blah.... well, i was in a good mood, and she was all bummin or whatever, so I changed the subject, and she was like I had a terrible Easter, I dont feel good today, etc.... I am trying not to let her get me down today, I feel good, cause tomorrow I might not be so well..... Ok, needless to say, I havent come to a desicion yet LOL

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She is still pissy over Friday nite, and all I said to her and put into her lap. So I called her back at work, and she was out, so she called back like 5 minutes later, and she was real happy this time. Well, we made chit chat, and then I told her just let me know when you want to get your stuff, and she was like just give me a call, and then maybe we can go out or something....

 

Well, I think i am gonna tell her I will meet her somewhere this time, instead of letting her come to my place... what do you think??

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Keefy,

 

I would have to say that your email was an excellent one as well! You did and said everything that my book (the How to Love your Lover back....thats the one I told you about?) said you should do. Keep it light hearted but let them know how you feel. I tried to follow that in my email, but since I haven't spoken to him in a week and because he seems to be going through some emotional problems, I didn't want to push the issue, so didn't bring up my feelings at all.

 

I don't know, I've been really happy lately. I've been remembering all the boys that used to like me before the ex and how great that felt. During the last few months, I think the hardest thought I had was that no one would ever want me again and that I would die alone and unloved. Now, I don't know, I don't really see that happening to me, but then again, if it does, I know that I will be okay living alone. I'm having fun now. I'm enjoying my life. I do what I want to do and watch what I want to watch and cook what I like to eat and clean when i want to clean. I don't have to answer to anyone now except for my two guinea pigs (and let me tell ya, they can be demanding!).

 

Anyway, hang in there! Your doing great! Just remember, we're all here for you!

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I think it was ok, except for the first paragraph. Like you just got done telling me, no matter how hard it is, forget the relationship stuff..... other than that, works for me keefy.

 

But I am thinking as far as meeting her somewhere, the first thing she told me when she came over, was I cant stay the nite. Well, I wont even let it be an option this time....

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VHS - - Don't you DARE sleep with her or let her come over or go to her place no matter what!!! [-( It's just not right at this point! You've been doing so good and your posts are so much more upbeat. Give it some more time. Do you think there is anyway of putting off giving this stuff over? Or how about having a friend call you away? You need to be able to keep this short, sweet, and to the point. Anything more will put you in a place that you don't want to be. I know that I am not going to see my ex for a while, no matter what. Mainly because I am happier right now and have been remaining that way. The rollercoaster is finally slowing down. Seeing him now would start it back up again. Heck, I'll call you if you need someone to call!!! And I've been told that I have a 900 phone voice!! LOL, jk. You get my point. Make this easy on you ok?

 

Keefy, hon, your doing great! Just remember tho, your feeling this now, but prepare yourself for the down time too. You will have it. It'll get less and less frequent and won't hurt so bad each time, but you will have them. I too think the first paragraph was was maybe too much too soon, but you got your point accross without being dramatic about it. I read it as more funny and semi-sarcastic, but perhaps that's a girls point of view. Either way, you need to take care of yourself for right now. Become stronger and whole, then worry about her.

 

You both are such wonderful, strong men, confident in your emotions and the realization that it's ok to have them. Trust me, if your ex's don't want you back, there is going to be a girl out there who will recongize how wonderful these qualities are and respect you and love you as you deserve.

 

I'm so glad to have friends like you both on my side.

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Ya really Coda, thanks so much for the wisdom words of encouragement. It really means alot. You too keefy. Thanks!!

 

I think what I will do, is she is expecting me to call her today, so I will call tomorrow. I will set something up to where we meet half way. If she agrees, then no problem. If she balks at it and says I will come over, then I will just start to say well, it isnt fair for you to always drive so far, etc....

 

Then when we do meet, I will keep it short, hour or two & tell her I have a big day the next day, have to get to bed early.....

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Keefy,

 

LOL, that IS funny! I seriously did read it as being more of a joke and it had a sarcastic tone, so I'm glad that, coming from a different female's prospective, you got a little pressure taken off of you about what other's were saying. And as far as my voice goes, well, I can't really deny it! LOL, how do you think I kept my ex for so long when he was stationed in Alaska and I was on the east coast??? lol

 

VHS,

 

You have the right idea, but don't give her any reason's why you don't want her to come to your home, just say no, you'd rather make it at a time when you can just meet her half way. If she asks you about it repeatedly, just tell her that you would prefer it this way (keep your tone light) and ask if her if "such and such" place works for her to meet. Also, I don't agree with two hours VHS. I don't even like one hour. The reason why is that it's too much time to just drop off stuff and anything more than 20-30 mins is "showing" more than just general interest.

 

Ultimately tho, this is your decision. Only you know what is best for you as only you know where you are in your path to healing. I know that I would give anything to spend time with my ex, all the time that a day has to offer. BUT, I also know that it wouldn't be right for me right now. I'm not completely healed. Oh, I don't think I will ever really be over him, but I know that I can heal from it.

 

Either way, you both are doing so wonderful, keep it up and keep on writing in here, I look forward to seeing posts from you two everyday. It's what makes life so much easier right now. Wouldn't it be great if we all lived close together? We could get together and have b*tch sessions about our exes. You guys could check out the girls and I could check out the guys.

 

Hope to hear from you both soon!

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Now that would be cool coda. But if we did live real close together, it would have to be in your neck of the woods, Southern Cali would be great. I will buy the first round!! Although every weekend I would probably be heading to Vegas being so close!! LOL

 

But ya I have a lot to "beach" about my EX right now. Last week, everything seemed to be going in the direction. Then Friday, its like she pulled the rug out. So I am learning to go by her actions 100% than by what she says.... And didnt we talk about games and chess. Well, she is playing those games still, so my next move will be to not call when she expects, and not let her come to my house as she expects. I dont know if I want to cut her out of my life though. That is the dilemma. I know I definitely should, but I dont know..... Her attitude is "we should just be happy for the time together instead of arguing!!" And then she reiterated what I have been saying, to take things slow. So, I am wearing on her, but then I get frustrated sometimes, because she is an EX, and I forget to act like its all new.....

 

I told her alot Friday nite that was on my mind, so I really havent given her a chance to think thru it, and see if things will be different. She was happy I did call her back yesterday at work, and she was mad when she thought I said all that Friday and then I was gonna renig on it all now....

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She sounds like she is so confused right now. I know just how she feels though.

 

Back in July, when I took off the ring and told my fiance that I wanted him to want me and not the comfort of me, I went out a couple of times with someone from work. He was so "into" me, so confident and showed me all the attention that I had been missing in my relationship with my ex, that at one point, about 5 dates in, I really thought I was beginning to have feelings for him. But then, I realized what was happening and cut it off.

 

I knew that the feelings weren't real, they were residual feelings, one's that I really had for my ex and were just pushing over onto this guy who showed me the type of attention that I had been starving for.

 

At that time, I was so confused. I loved my ex and wanted to be with him, but then had the excitment of this new person. Human Nature is so darn tricky!

 

And I accept your offer of first round! I'll have a Lemon Drop Martini! Heavy on the chilled Vodka, K? Keefy, watchya having? VHS is buying!

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