Need to Vent!

Why can't I let anyone into my life?. I am so scared to let someone into my life that everytime someone tries to get close to me I run. I have this tough girl image and say that I don't need no one but myself to rely on. I don't know why I feel this way, I can't think of anything to make me feel this way. How do I get passed it?. I've met a really nice guy, but I feel like I'm going to walk away before anything can even happen. I've done this to many times. I am so tired of running, of telling everyone that I need no one when in actual fact I do need someone, some one to talk to, someone who is there for me. I can be there for everyone else, but I can't let them be there for me.

I can't keep running it's hurting me inside so bad. But I can't get passed it

Were your parents ever there for you, or were you ever sexually abused? That could be the problem....or if you didn't have many friends when you were a little girl or teenager.

No I was never sexually abused. And I did have friends growing up. I've pushed so many of them away that I really only have one true friend and that because she is really the only person I have ever let into my life. But we also have know each other for about 18yrs. As for my parents, I was given so much responsibility growing up that I don't feel like I had a childhood. I'm 21 and I act more mature than most people I know that are older than me. And trying to tell my parents how I was feeling never helped, they said that I was wrong. I've never been really close to my family either. I don't know.

I think when you had all of this "responsibility" you felt too much pressure from it and it left you out from having fun. I think that your pushing away any fun/joy anyone has (before you can get to be good friends with them), though you probably either "connect" with this one friend of yours or he/she was a friend before you had all this "responsibility" baggage to carry. Not really connecting with your family either, has to do with it too....I just can't think of it well, try to work things out, get some help from a psychologist. And when you can't let anyone be there for you, that is from this responsibility baggage you have, your basically prewired ever since you were a kid to grow and up and think "Oh it's fine I don't need anyones help I can do anything myself. I can take on the world." That's probably what's affecting you.

I think as long as you reserve a little piece of yourself that knows you'll be okay if things don't work out with the friendship/relationship, you might be able to safely let someone in. I mean, what's the worst thing that can happen? The friendship/relationship ends, and you're back to where you are. At least you tried!

(I know it's not that simple, just something to think about.)

I guess your right. I have taken a few steps to allowing someone in my life, While I'm still very guarded he seems to understand that. I feel that I've taken a few important steps. And it's ture if a friendship/relationship doesn't work out then I'm back to square 1 and I don't have to see them again. But even if I do have to see them again, I guess I just have to accept that some things aren't meant to be.

But Thanks you have given me something else to think about.

Well, since you know this about yourself (ie: that you're a runner), take off the track shoes and breathe.

Every person you let into your life is a risk. They run the risk of hurting you, yes, but they also have an opportunity to enrich your life. So many people have so much to offer.

Make a conscious effort to stay and hear them out. Committment phobia is not unusual, it doesn't have to have stemmed from anything in particular.

Don't go through life pushing people away so they don't have an opportunity to hurt you. You might pass up on someone who would have been a genuine friend and helped you.

Hang in there!