'tis better to have loved and lost...

My boyfriend and I have broken up again and hopefully this is for the last time. I wasted alot of my time chasing after him and he was so distant and cold. I recently became consumed with the fact that he was cheating but I'm getting off that train. He "claims" he still loves me (whatever!) but the magic is gone. He got the last part right though. It is gone. I tried to get it back but he wasnt willing too. He just couldn't open up himself to me. He used to be this cold and distant before but then he made this great change after i went away to study. I always thought that it was because his ex cheated on him and that is the way he responds to hurt. I guess I hurt him too and that explains his distance. But, if he used to treat his ex the way he treated me with all the distance and coldness MAYBE that's why she cheated on him! Maybe if i had continued with him maybe i would have strayed too! (NAH, i respect relationships and trust too much to do that). I feel kinda bad but it is his loss. I am not just trying to convince myself, I really am great. I have made some changes in my life that unfortunately I could not apply to him because he would never let me in and i spent so much time trying to get in and getting upset that he could only say he knew what a good person I was and not what a GREAT person I am now. It really is too bad but as i said before... his loss.

Never ever ever ever say that his behavior explains why she cheated on him. Also saying that you understand why she cheated on him is unfair. I have been cheated on and have heard those same words and I think it was the worst thing anyone could say. Even though I dont know you or your bf I wouldnt wish for him to hear those words.

Just my 2c

You are sounding a little bitter! but I am not saying she is right for cheating on him. some people stray because they have a wondering eye and cant commit. Others because they lack something in a relationship like affection. If you are having problems you really should tell your partner instead of running off BUT I am the sort of person who tells the truth and asks for the truth and if I think that it is his behaviour that chases girls away then I will tell him.

The relationship is about you and him, not on why he cheated on his girlfriend.

Give yourself time to cool, because if you think you are the great person you are, you wouldnt have to be explicitly say it, you would be content just knowing.

I give you props to finally say "ive had it" but it does take time to be stable again

I have a very similar issue. I hope people continue to post for you, because I dont know what Im going to do. Im tired of living in the shadow of the cheating ex. And next to the seemingly good guy with emotional issues. Cant help but wonder if it's just you, huh? I know Im a great catch just have to have a person who's fishing for what you have to offer. Good luck