Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Ok I've been friends with this guy scince September last year. Now he seems really down about the fact that he is single. I told him that he doesn't need a grilfriend to be happy. And now he's twisiting my words to say that i said to be happy he needs a girlfriend. Why is he doing this? He's kinda scaring me. I haven't seen this side of him before.

Any help on how I can get him to understand that he doesn't need a girlfriend to be happy?

And Why has he turned all weird on me?

Link to comment

Sounds liek hes starting to go pretty deep into a depression. it would be a good idea to hang out with him and do stuf with him. remind him of all the fun times he had before he had a girlfriend. eventually, given the time u spend together, he should start to open up and talk more about it, which should in turn help him feel better.

Link to comment

If you can talk peacefully with him, ask him what's really bugging him, because maybe underneath there's something more. He doesn't sound mad at you, and you haven't done anything wrong to him by telling him he can be happy without a girlfriend.

 

If he is not able to have a peaceful talk with you about what's bugging him, try taking a break and talking later when he's in a better mood. If he has an anger problem, maybe it would be a good idea to let him air it out on his own for awhile. I mean, if he gets depressed (which is another form of anger) and can't identify the source and seems stuck on one idea, it may be hard to come to understanding on equal and peaceful terms. If "this side of him" is like this and he doesn't fairly communicate with you, how is he ever gonna get a wife anyway?

 

I don't know, but I have the feeling it's not your fault, Cassandra. Just try to listen best you can, and remember you weren't wrong for trying to encourage your friend, which is what you sound you're trying to do.

Link to comment

He could possibly be starting to "fall" for you. To my way of thinking, his actions could be symptomatic of that. He is perhaps getting an inkling that you are a potential girlfriend but there are no signals from you, since you regard him as a friend. As someone who has been in the position of falling for someone who is only a friend, I can tell you that the way your friend is acting is indicative of the way I feel at times myself. However I guess the difference here is that your friend is manifesting those feelings in a different way. Although more precisely, in my own case it's not because I'm single that upsets me per se, but because in my own friend I see someone who is everything I ever wanted in a partner. So until I met my particular friend I *was* happily single. Now I am not happily single through having met her, if you can understand what I mean. Perhaps there is a parallel with your particular situation.

 

I'm not trying to worry you or anything, just alerting you to the possibilty that these feelings are responsible for his actions.

Link to comment

So, all the above said, if you are open to being "closer" to him, then by all means consider it. If he wants to marry you, and you're thinking this, hey, you can make your own decisions.

 

But everyone, please remember that she mentioned his behaving in a way that scared her. She said he twisted her words around, saying that she meant just the opposite of what she did. C. was trying to enourage him, not discourage.

 

thereforeeee, consider carefully. If you end up marrying this guy, that is if everyone is on track about what type of friends you actually are, he may act "weird" on you again. Talk to him about it and let him know how you feel. Hopefully, he'll listen and be as understanding as possible if he likes you as much as Cactus suggests.

 

Communication is All.

 

11Flower

Link to comment

I probably made a bit of a freudian slip up in my previous post. I only just mean't graduating from friends to a romantic relationship. I'm sorry if I planted some sort of "marriage" seed into this thread. I did not mean to and I did not think it to be relevant in this case.

 

As for accepting being friends though, I mean in my case I have done that with my friend as well. It was a case of friends or nothing, but that doesn't mean that is what I really wanted. But I had to accept that. So I am just surmising he could feel the same way and his behaviour is a result of that.

 

But I agree that since you only want to remain friends, if he continues to act strange then I would probably feel I would want to start distancing myself a bit and see what transpires.

Link to comment

It sounds to me like there's more attachment there than you are indicating. But I could be wrong.

 

You two sound like good friends. But you're question, I think, was how you might deal with someone who just sort of changed on you and how to communicate what you were trying to say without him twisting your words and putting words in your mouth, twisting your meanings.

 

You mentioned that you'd "never seen this side of him" before, or something along those lines, and that he was scaring you.

 

If you are still scared by that change of mood and his behavior toward you, I hope you've talked about that by now. Frankly, sorry to say, but your friend was acting rather manipulative.

 

I hope you'll keep this in mind the next time if he should do this again.

 

Also firmly stand your ground when you tell him what you mean. Otherwise, it could help if you don't reward him for such behaviour, as that was manipulating you, and you did not at all mean what he was trying to tell you.

 

More thoughts.

 

11flower

Link to comment

11flower

It sounds to me like there's more attachment there than you are indicating.

 

What do you mean by that? We're just friends.

 

And I have talked to him scince and it was like the conversation we had never even happened. Maybe he was just having an off day. I know I have days like that.

Link to comment

Oh, I don't mean anything of slight at all. I just mean that, well, I wondered if you like him more; it sounds you two are close.

 

Whether whatever, I'm glad you talked about it with him. Yes, everyone has off days, but I've met people who never own up to their responsibility for mistreating others. They shift the blame on the one whose words they're twisting. So, I hadn't known if this was how you felt.

 

I was also encouraging you to stand up to that sort of thing if something scared you or you felt confused if he says that you're saying or meaning something you're clearly not meaning, is all.

 

11flower

Link to comment

Oh no Cassandra, there's no problem. That's okay--you didn't sound mean, I just thought I may have to you. No need to apologize.

 

 

So glad you worked it out with your friend. Beside, friendships will be what lasts when all the romance wears off after being together so long. I mean, you don't always love your friends, you get mad, you get exasperated, etc. etc. So, I've found it's the friendship that actually lasts through that all.

 

Good work girl! You go!

 

11flower

Link to comment
So glad you worked it out with your friend.

 

Well we were talking again and he did a total back flip. I told him something about me and this was how the conversation went

 

He said " We Should Date".

I said " I thought we agreed on friends"

He Said " I know but I still think the more I hear about you the more I like"

That's when I said I had to go. I don't want to be more than friends and nothing I say to him makes him understand that.

 

Should I cut him from my life?. I don't want to loose him as a friend, but he doesn't get it. Am I speaking some other language?.

Link to comment

Wow, I don't know Cassandra. Another poster mentioned to put some distance between you and the guy. I wonder if this is the best thing for you. He sounds controlling to me. If he doesn't get it, he may not even be willing to get it and just won't listen to you. If he's not willing to consider what you want, do you think it might change once you agree to be his girlfriend and date?

 

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to put distance and see him a later date when things have settled down.

 

Is this what you are thinking of doing?

 

11flower

Link to comment

Cassandra,

 

So, you've answered your own question. I really think that you know best in this situation, being that you're the one in it and who has to live it or make choices, as well as pay good or negative consequences for those choices.

 

All best to you whatever you do,

 

11flower

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...