Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: Unhappy In My Relationship But Don't Want To Break Up

  1. #1
    LostInTranslation
    Member LostInTranslation's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    TX
    Age
    40
    Posts
    97
    Gender
    Male

    Unhappy In My Relationship But Don't Want To Break Up

    I have been dating my girlfriend for four months now. We instantly hit it off the moment we met and things were so great. We both have fallen in love with each other and have become really good friends.

    For the last two months, I feel we have drifted apart. At times, she won't return my calls. She has broken several of our dates without even letting me know. She rarely makes plans to see me, even with our mutual friends. She rarely expresses how she feels for me and she doesn't make me feel important to her. She has been dealing with a lot of issues in her life concerning her ex-husband and daughter.

    I understand that her priorities may not concern me, but I have tried backing off and giving her space. But she always tells me that she loves me and wants me in her life. She has actually cried and begged me not to leave. I've been very supportive of her, but it has taken a toll on me and I don't know how much more I can take.

    I just can't be there whenever it is convenient for her. I feel I am her rebound and safety net even though she denies that I am. I just cannot continue this for much longer because I am unhappy. I have tried talking to her about this, but nothing has changed. I just need more from her.

    I have always believed that you can't put a time limit on love, but I have decided to give this two more weeks since we have plans coming up. I'm going to take one last try to show her how I feel and hopefully she will respond. If not, I feel I have to end the relationship no matter how much she cries and begs me not to leave and no matter how much I don't want to let her go.

    Am I being selfish by wanting her to put more effort into me? Am I being too clingy? Has anyone ever felt the way that I do - give so much and not receive anything? Any advice is appreciated.

  2. #2
    Breea
    Member Breea's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    way down south
    Posts
    65

    I can relate...

    Although our situations are much different, I can certainly relate to how you are feeling. I love my bf with all my heart and want to be with him, but something is missing on his part. He holds back somewhat and has not made himself vulnerable to me, which is not a good sign. We've been together almost a year and to top it off live together which further complicates things.

    I do not want to leave, but know I probably should. It sounds like you are saying that she does not give herself to you the extent that you give yourself to her. Right? It hurts so bad. That's how I feel, anyway. I can't settle in the long run. Nobody should in my opinion.

    My only advice is to COMMUNICATE how you feel to her. Tell her what you need in order to stay and be together. Be honest and let her know what's going on in your heart. Best wishes to you in doing what's best for you. -Bree

  3. #3
    Irishmanco
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Age
    35
    Posts
    29
    I too think it's a difficult situation. It may be hard when one person puts more into a relationship than another. You say that you're in love with her, which means you love her. Divorce and a child are hard to get through. Seems it's up to you if you want to be there for her. I don't think love is something set to time.

    It should be embraced and hopefully you'll see how you'll be happier. She may not be able to everything to you since she's giving much of herself to her troubles. Maybe try like the previous post said to relate to her and continue showing your love. She should understand but be strong and you two will be hopefully good. Take it easy.

  4. #4
    cleverme123
    Member cleverme123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    389

    thoughts...

    She is oblivious to the fact that she is disrespecting you and is walking all over you like a door mat. The longer you let her do this the more she will. So my suggestion, you don't need more effort, you need to tell her either choose to be in the relationship and have respect or break up with you so you can stop waiting around hoping she will change.

    You are most certainly doomed if you allow things to continue like this, it will only get worse. And she cares more about doing what she needs to do than calling you or even showing up for your dates. Love means you respect one another. From what you said she has no respect for you. Sorry if I sound harsh but I put it all out there.

  5. #5
    marijo2480
    Member marijo2480's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Spring, TX
    Posts
    238
    Gender
    Female
    I agree with cleverme. Do not be a doormat! I think you know what you need to do, you just want reassurance. You've said it yourself....you're unhappy! When you love someone and are as serious as you two once seemed to be, you don't act flaky (not showing up for dates), not calling, etc. 9 times out of 10, when you have that gut feeling that you may the rebound, you probably are!! I wish you luck and hope you make a decision that you can be happy about.

  6. #6
    Iceman26
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Houston
    Age
    38
    Posts
    2,985
    Gender
    Male
    I think you have a good gameplan there man. Give it 2 weeks, see how the plans go, and if nothing changes, then you move on. Good luck.

  7. #7
    mt_joy
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    135
    She has gone through a messy, hard situation and may feel uneasy about being vulnerable with you. She has to learn to communicate. Don't be a doormat and let her get away with it. After my divorce, when I started dating my now-bf, it was hard. I always felt like something was missing. I now realize I just missed the comfort of being married; I knew what my ex expected and liked. Now, I'm with a new guy, and I wondered where I stood with him. It is hared and it has taken us a lot of deep conversations to get to where we are now. Good luck with her!

  8. #8
    Crazyinlove2

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    1

    Break Up Man

    I so understand your situation as I am just going through a very similar scenario. She drives me crazy and I love her so dearly, yet she is not willing to change back to her once passionate loving self.

    I have tried breaking up with her 4-5 times now but every time she calls me back begging me to reconsider. This time I have deleted all her number and contact information to make sure that I would not be able to talk to her. After every miss call I now immediately delete her number or voice mail. It is so painful but I really donít think things will be any better if you wait. She will only make matters worst and you will feel very degrading and unworthy. A pretty hard blow for ones self esteem and confidence.

    Go out with your mates and have some fun. Keep yourself busy and try not to be alone during this time. Good luck!

  9. #9
    SlntJnfr

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Iowa
    Posts
    1
    Gender
    Female
    HEY! I am so glad I found this site... I have been with my guy two years and he doesn't make time for me... I moved to another state with him with no friends and no family and we live together! But honestly we only spend ONE day a week together, doing his stuff... I don't know what to do. He spends all of his time working, working out, and sleeping... he just kinda fits me in where he has time...so now I live in some tiny icky town, I don't know ANYONE but his family, work at a "____-Mart" and spend my time alone... I'm sad and lonely.... thnks peeps

  10. #10
    keith515
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    351
    Gender
    Male
    I can definitely relate. My ex was giving much less than what I was putting into it. Yet she never wanted it to end. I ended it in a fit of rage, twice. The last time was the final time.

    My only advise to you would be to expect nothing. Literally, nothing. No return phone calls, emails, attention, etc. Would that make you happy? Probably not, because that is what you experiencing right now. But if you did, it would be complete acceptance of the situation.

    Are you being too clingy or needy? Maybe, but only in terms of what you expect to get out of the relationship. The situation of what she is experiencing may be taking its toll on her and leaves her nothing to give back.

    Call me cynical, but I don't think she will change. She needs to get her head on straight.

    The best advise I can give, which is what I wish I had done, and is sit down with her and explain exactly how you feel and let her know you cannot continue with this relationship because it is making you unhappy because you want and deserve certain things. You know you want it, so why can't you have it? At the very least, she should provide you with common courtesy. Think about what you are willing to sacrifice and the things you will not tolerate. Nothing excuses rudeness though.

    Of course, I could see her responding with that she is going through a lot and you are demanding a lot from her and giving added pressure to her life and that you are being selfish. If looking out for your own happiness is selfish, so be it. But you shouldn't have to be miserable to make someone happy. But in reality, you aren't making her happy, she's probably not even making herself happy. If she wants to continue with the relationship, she needs to put in some effort. It's up to decide how much effort you expect for her to put in.

    I want to add after reading some of your threads that this girl sounds like some of the girls you have dated. You need to stand up for yourself (be assertive, not aggressive) and demand what you deserve. I don't think you have demand the world, just something you'd expect from a friend.
    Last edited by keith515; 12-01-2008 at 11:28 PM.

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
My boyfriend talks to his ex and did cocaine, looking for advice
Long time lurker, first time poster. Sorry itís so long. Thereís a TL;DR at the bottom if you need it. Iíve been with my boyfriend for a little
My boyfriend suggested breaking up
Hi everyone. So I have finally had a discussion with my boyfriend about how it bothers me that he hangs out with other girls one-on-one a lot. So it
He Wanted a Break...Now He's Upset?
It's a terribly long story but basically, my live-in boyfriend of 4 years decided that after a long period of periodic bickering, he needed a "break"
Is it just me or is he obsessed with his best friend?
Hi everyone, this is my first post on this forum after my friend told me about it and I was looking to get some feedback on a situation. My boyfriend
Caught boyfriend looking at gay personals, gay snapchat
Hi everyone - I could really use some advice, as this isn't something I really want to talk to close friends about. I have been dating a guy for
He says it is not cheating but it feels like it
My live in boyfriend of 3 years has been visiting sex web cam sights. When I found out about it he tried to lie but eventually admitted to doing it
SO Has slept with all his friends :/
Just looking for some advice.... I have been having some conflicts with my serious boyfriend of about a year who I live with. He is extremely

Featured Threads
Parent and relationships problems
So clearly i need help sooo i will get right into the story.....sorry its so long I am a 25 year old male who is in a relationship with my 19
My boyfriend is trying to date other woman on online dating site.
I really need help. I am so confused. My boyfriend is on online dating site. He said he wants to date other women. We were on and off relationship
My wife left me without having even a talk
Hi everybody, I wonder if this is normal just to leave a marriage of 7 years without having a proper talk before moving on? It happened to me that
Confused about FWB
Last weekend my FWB and I made plans to meet up. He drove down from his place to go to a party with friends, afterwards he was coming to spend the
Everything is just JUMBLED
I have an extremely, EXTREMELY screwed up life. At least from my point of view it is. At least I think I'm the only one that knows my own
Getting over someone to be with them again later?
Long story short, my ex broke up with me after 4 years because he said he was immature and needed to grow up without me and part of that was meeting
Need Advice - it's urgent for me
Hello Everyone, I meesed up my life and I take full responsibilty. I ned advice and what to do to remedy the situation immediately and prevent it
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •