What's The Big Deal

Ok there is a guy I know that likes to make a big deal over the fact that I don't smile much. He came up to me the other night and told me to smile. I said to him 'What's to smile about. Give me something to smile about and I will.' So he walks off then comes back and asked if everything was alright. Which I'm greatful for but like I said nothing was wrong. Nothing that I couldn't cope with on my own. He pestered me about it for a couple of minutes and then left it. Then about 15 mins later he said something that made me smile. He said 'At least I made you smile'. Then I sort of frowned and he noticed, then he turns to me and says 'Oh wait your not allowed to be happy are you?'.

What does he mean by that and why does he even care?.

Sorry if I put this in the wrong forum didn't know where else to put it.

I don't really know what to say to it, but people say that to me all of the time. I have always thought of it as them just being really annoying, and for no other reason.

I would say something like that to someone who never smiles as well. I don't smile much, but people consider me to be cold hearted, which is not true. When he said " oh wait, you're not allowed to be happy are you?" it was more of a sarcastic remark really..

When he said "Oh wait your not allowed to be happy are you?" it wasn't sarcastic at all. I know when he's being sarcastic. It seemed more caring I'm just not sure if this is another one of his hints that he likes me and that he's to scared to admit it or if he was just being a caring guy.

I see, then I would see it as more of a caring way...and im sure if he felt he must continue talking about it, seems like he likes you..could possibly be both. When you like someone, you tend to care about them anyway right?

It sounds to me like he's interested in you and trying to see if you're interested in him. I've done the exact same thing with women who don't smile much just to see if they liked me enough to bring a smile to their face.

*snicker* he sounds like this waiter I knew a few years back. I'd go out to eat with my dad, and he'd be such a flirt. I didn't realize he was hitting on me until a month into it, and I was so embarrassed, because my dad was there and all. OH MY GOODNESS, he'd reamark about my smiling or not ALL THE TIME! He'd make come over and talk to us, and if I was smiling he'd be all "Aww she's smiling! My shy princess" GAH! That makes me blush and get all giddy even now, because man was he a hottie. Or if I wasn't smiling he'd be like "There's no smiling allowed in my resturaunt." Which would of couse make me smile like a dork. OK sorry, I didn't mean to sound self abosorbed here, didn't mean to blab the story.

To me, I think he's prolly putting out his feelers. Just testing to see if you're a nice person, if you don't smile he might think you're closed off or whatever. He might be trying to get you to open up a little so he can see what makes you tick. Lets see here, if you like him, you could tell him "make me smile! Do something! Kiss me!" Ok that's kinda extreme, but you get the idea, right?

Yeah I get the idea Strandysmommy. Accept I'm to scared to do anything about it. As for him testing me we've know each other for 2 years not really well but we do have small conversations and say hi. I'm not really one for letting people get close to me. We'll begin to get close then I push him away by snapping at him or treating him badly. And yet still talks to me. Alot more over the last couple of weeks.

And thanks to everyone for their input.

Why do you push him away or snap at him? I know for some guys, that makes it all the more fun; "oooo a challaenge!" they think. Maybe he's talking more to you because he does like you...and he wants to see what makes you tick. If ya do like him, just play it cool...don't treat him badly, try and not snap at him...humor him a little. If he says something, go with it but don't be too terribly abrasive. I mean if this guy enjoys the thrill of a challaenge, you might want to have some fun with that aspect. Not that I am a real expert here...long story. But...just talk a little to the guy, and don't bite his head off; try not to anyways. If you like him...that is.

I do like him alot. He is the first guy that I have ever really opened upto, I feel so comfortable when I'm around him and he makes me smile. The reason I push him away is because I am so scared of getting hurt by him or even hurting him. See I've never had a boyfriend before and I guess I just don't know how to deal with the whole situation. And the fact that he's 9yrs older than me. It doesn't bother me. I'm just worried about how my family would react. My mother knows him and she doesn't really like him. So I don't know what to do.

But thank you again.

Hey cassandra

Im not an expert either and dont have much experience but ill give you my advice anyway!

If he is the first guy you have ever opened up to and u feel comfortable around him, I would say go for it! because it is really hard to find a nice guy and you deserve it! It is inevitable that love is going to hurt at one point or another and i know it is corny but u cant experience the good without the bad. It is the beginning of the relationship so dont think about the end yet! Just go with the flow and think of the now. Take a risk, otherwise you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Just see how the relationship goes for now, (getting to know each other having fun) and worry about your parents later, after all it is your life, not theirs and you deserve some happiness.(and parents usually warm up to an idea after a while if they see you are happy)

Thank you so much. Your right I don't want to regret not knowing. Do you have any idea as to how I approach the topic with him. I don't want to go up to him and say I like you alot let's go out?.

But at the same time I don't want to be rejected by him and not be able to talk to him again. I always do this I put doubt in my mind and it sticks there. I hate it!.

We work in the same place. But asking to go for a bite to eat after work is hard because I work a couple of hours later than he does and it's night shift. So by the time we're finished it's way to late. And it's so hard to get him on his own. We have like 50+ people working in the same department at one time. Any other suggestions?

And before everybody says don't date a co-worker. We don't acutally work that close with each other. We might for an hour or 2 a night, then I go to the office so we don't see each other a whole lot.

Yeah, um, I would advocate going out to coffee or dinner over going to a club or bar or movie. It's more conducive to a conversation, gosh as for flirting and getting your point accross that you like him like THAT... I have the same issues. I am scared of being rejected and losing a friend and all that. Hum, next time he talks to you and mentions your smile or something tell him that he has some sort of horrible charm or something... that he makes you smile; NOW STOP THAT!

I have learned that one can take ordinary interactions and turn it into flirting quite easily, and it can be real subtle too. The problem comes with the type of flirt one is. Me, I tend to become mean; and it takes a certain type of guy handle a mean flirt...someone telling you "you smell bad" instead of hello. You know? I gotta think this one out...I know there's just crafty little ways, that are subtle enough to be taken either way.

As much as I want to ask him out. I can't bring myself to ask him. It's killing me. I know the minute I let my guard down I'll get hurt and I don't want to. Or like tonight I was so close to telling him, but there were other people around so I asked him a question about something someone told me about him (thinking it happened yesterday) he said it had happened a couple of years ago. I felt so stupid and walked off. Then he came up after and said something about it and how he tought it was funny that I brought it up. And like I said I was told by someone yesterday so I assumed that it happened yesterday. But he said he thought it was Funny. I didn't I was embarrased. And I was trying to show him I cared.

Do you think him thinking it was funny is a bad thing?