How do I let People In?

I need help!. I want to know how I can open up to people. When I meet new people I put up walls. I am always on guard and I hate it. I have worked in the same place for the past 2 years. And only over the last 2 months have I began speaking to people. And even when I do speak to peopel I'm on guard. I'll listen to what other people have to say but I won't put my '2 cents' in. Why do I do this?. I feel alone, lost and yet I can't overcome it. Does anybody have any suggestions as to how I overcome it. Not completely but just enough to let people in. Please any advice and I'd be so greatfull

If you are a suspicious person and hold off because of your nature, the main issue you need to deal with is trust in yourself. What I mean by this is the knowledge you have the power to direct the outcome of any interaction with another person.

To open to other people is to share your experiences, so if Jack is talking about his child adventures, when he is finished share some of your own, its like bringing money to the poker table.

You can always read the book "How to win friends and influence people" jam packed with killing material.

See that's the problem. I won't even make friends with people or when people start asking questions about me I say nothing which makes me seem like a B***H. I know I do it, I'm so consious of it but I can't help it. I don't know how to deal with it. I know it may seem just as easy to answer the questions, but I just don't feel that they have the right to ask questions about me. The only friend that I have left in my life at the moment I have know scince I was 4yrs old. Everyone else that has come into my life I have pushed away and hurt them. I can't keeping doing this to myself and to the people around me.

wot r u afraid of?! have u been betrayed before?? u obviously just feel really insecure about urself to not be able 2 trust others.

just practice talking abit more, abit at a time, just to get used to saying things which u wouldn't usually say 2 people and i'm sure u'll find it gets easier.

obviously its gd to be aware of what u're sharing with people, but little things can't help. u like 2 get to know others, and they'd like 2 do the same back. its a 2 way process, and unless u learn to start letting urself out, u'll just feel lonely.

good luck, i know its not easy.

Wow...Cassandra I have the same problem. I don't have much advice because im trying to help it myself, but I know one of the main reasons I put up my wall is because I've been burned so many times in my past.

Now i know i should be more open-minded towards people, but part of me is just so scared to put myself out there, and just be walked over again. I also do the same thing, if people are talking to me, i consiously say nothing, and come accross as being a b***h...I have really one true friend, but i noticed that its hard for me to open up to people, because for so long i guess i just opened up to the wrong people....Good Luck with everything....

I don't think that just because you shy people say nothing makes you seem like a b***h. That's what *you* are thinking, maybe not those asking you the questions.

If you expect that people will like you, then maybe you will feel more comfortable relating to people. Maybe you expect that people will not like you. Is this so? Besides, it is wrong for others to assume you aren't likeable just because you don't readily interact with them verbally.

I think that when you are interested in someone else's "story" or life, interests, activities, opinions, etc., then maybe you can share something from your experience with them. Other ways to communicate and let others know you are listening is to just smile and say a simple, "That's cool", or something along those lines. You can respond when others talk by just listening and making simple answers that let them know you are listening. You can listen to others' feelings about whatever it is they are talking about and say something like, "That's hard to go through", or, "you sound pretty irritated about that", or "that could be so frustrating", or "Good for you and congratulations" or things like that.

I hope I am making sense. I'm no expert (am always working on it ) Listening and responding is an art and takes practice, but you will find you are more interesting as a person as well when you learn ways to communicate, which is the most important aspect of relating to anyone.

11Flower

I'm atually putting up walls myself but I'm doing it because I'm being hurt by people around me. It's easy to open up, just speak your mind. Tell them what they want to know. Just don't let really personal things out. Good luck and if you need to talk just pm me.

I'm at times also a little sensitive and have been easily hurt by others ill-willed remarks. It's important to be discreet and know that you are valuable, so you shouldn't just share all of your "secrets" or anything that makes you uncomfortable, of course.

I think that all of you guys should keep telling yourselves that you are so definitely likeable and that you've got something to contribute that no one else will. Other people around you may just be feeling the same way you are and may really be glad that you said something to them or helped them in one way or another.

You can help people and get your mind off of your shyness, feelings and situation and maybe see how you can help the others around you, if not just by listening and contributing something that has to do with whatever conversation you're in.

Trust me, you're more ok than you think you are and not too different from most people at one time or another in their lives.

11Flower