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Thread: How does NC affect the dumper??

  1. #1
    a.d.c.
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    How does NC affect the dumper??

    I've read all the things on here about no contact and the effects/benefits on the dumpees who've inititated it.

    But I haven't really found anything on the effects/benefits of no contact on the dumper whose had no contact initiated on them?? How exactly does it help them? or does it not serve any purpose for them?

    I know it's obviously aimed at the person who's been dumped but I'm curious about the dumper.

  2. #2
    jbaskerville
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    excellent question! i would like an answer from the "dumpers" as well. does the no contact rule work? has it worked on any of you?

  3. #3
    lady00
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    NC really doesn't necessarily affect the dumper at all. It is a way for the dumpee to get over his/her ex if he/she still wants the ex back. It won't bring a dumper back if that person doesn't already want to come back. It might make them miss the dumpee or wonder what the dumpee is up to.

  4. #4
    evy38
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    I think the whole point of NC is for you to STOP worrying about what the dumper may or may not be feeling and thinking. NC is to help YOU, stop thinking about him/her so often and to stop being hurt repeatedly by contact with them. It's all about you here, baby!!!!

  5. #5
    ShuShu Fontana
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    I was the dumper. I was still in love with my ex and being in contact with him just made me see all the good things about us instead of all the things I could no longer live with.
    Because I didn't keep no contact with him I fell back and HARD and then became the dumpee as he then rejected me.
    A break up is hard on both parties. If I was smart I would have stayed away for two years and then tried to be friends, not the other way around.
    Though I know we aren't right for each other it kills me to see him with someone else. Until I am past that I should have as little contact with him as possible.
    Just because someone isn't right for you doesn't mean you stop loving them. It still hurts like a mofo and takes time to get over. NC is good for both parties.
    Even if one of them is decidedly over the other, NC should be in effect until they are both on that same page.

  6. #6
    sniggle
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    I too was a dumper, and initiated NC for my own peace of mind. After 3 months I found I was comfortable single, and had long realised all the faults that had been in the relationship(e.g. it is not acceptable for a bf to ignore his gf for 3 weeks at a time for no reason...) I initiated NC in the hopes of getting back together, but as the weeks rolled by I realised how overdue my decision had been, and it reinforced the choice I made,along with the support of my friends

  7. #7
    DragonGirl724
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    link removed

    read this, it may answer your question.

    -DG724

    (i edited the link it should work now)

  8. #8
    ShuShu Fontana
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    That link isn't working for me...

  9. #9
    Beec
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    I think fi you are the dumper, the thing to ask is what does contact do? NC may not change how you feel, it may allow you to move on, you may change your mind. But contact could change things too.

    If the person changed and had contact, and what you ended it over was no longer there, wuoldn't you think about being with them again.

    If they are never going to be an option, would contact feel good? Would they be ok with being just friends? Will they still try to get you back, which is annoying if you the dumper.

    I think it depends.

  10. #10
    jbaskerville
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    dragongirl 724--

    while i think that what you said in your post (the link that i read) is true some of the time, i don't think it is true all of the time.

    I wanted to know from a dumper if the NC rule has ever worked on them. apparently, sometimes it works, and sometimes it does not.

    the one thing that i know for sure in this whole process is that there are no set hard and fast rules, and nothing is guaranteed.

    on another note, this site is really helpful because you get a chance to see so many perspectives on one problem. some people are really positive, upbeat and really want you to feel better. others seem to be really jaded, and although they have harsh words for you, they want you to feel better too. tough love i guess.

    as for my situation, all i know is that i hurt, really, really bad. i really do love him (not the idea of him), but at the same time-- i know that i need time to myself. lack of that time for myself is what probably got me into this predicament in the first place.

    i just want to get to the point where i don't feel so cruddy anymore. i want to get to the point where i don't think about him all the time. i want to get back to myself.

    this website is definitely something that can help with that process.

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