Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 18

Thread: How does NC affect the dumper??

  1. #1
    a.d.c.
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Dallas,TX
    Age
    35
    Posts
    69

    How does NC affect the dumper??

    I've read all the things on here about no contact and the effects/benefits on the dumpees who've inititated it.

    But I haven't really found anything on the effects/benefits of no contact on the dumper whose had no contact initiated on them?? How exactly does it help them? or does it not serve any purpose for them?

    I know it's obviously aimed at the person who's been dumped but I'm curious about the dumper.

  2. #2
    jbaskerville
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Age
    41
    Posts
    18
    excellent question! i would like an answer from the "dumpers" as well. does the no contact rule work? has it worked on any of you?

  3. #3
    lady00
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Age
    32
    Posts
    9,491
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    9
    NC really doesn't necessarily affect the dumper at all. It is a way for the dumpee to get over his/her ex if he/she still wants the ex back. It won't bring a dumper back if that person doesn't already want to come back. It might make them miss the dumpee or wonder what the dumpee is up to.

  4. #4
    evy38
    Member evy38's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    239
    I think the whole point of NC is for you to STOP worrying about what the dumper may or may not be feeling and thinking. NC is to help YOU, stop thinking about him/her so often and to stop being hurt repeatedly by contact with them. It's all about you here, baby!!!!

  5. #5
    ShuShu Fontana
    Member ShuShu Fontana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Born on the Bayou
    Posts
    226
    I was the dumper. I was still in love with my ex and being in contact with him just made me see all the good things about us instead of all the things I could no longer live with.
    Because I didn't keep no contact with him I fell back and HARD and then became the dumpee as he then rejected me.
    A break up is hard on both parties. If I was smart I would have stayed away for two years and then tried to be friends, not the other way around.
    Though I know we aren't right for each other it kills me to see him with someone else. Until I am past that I should have as little contact with him as possible.
    Just because someone isn't right for you doesn't mean you stop loving them. It still hurts like a mofo and takes time to get over. NC is good for both parties.
    Even if one of them is decidedly over the other, NC should be in effect until they are both on that same page.

  6. #6
    sniggle
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    17
    I too was a dumper, and initiated NC for my own peace of mind. After 3 months I found I was comfortable single, and had long realised all the faults that had been in the relationship(e.g. it is not acceptable for a bf to ignore his gf for 3 weeks at a time for no reason...) I initiated NC in the hopes of getting back together, but as the weeks rolled by I realised how overdue my decision had been, and it reinforced the choice I made,along with the support of my friends

  7. #7
    DragonGirl724
    Gold Member DragonGirl724's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    USA
    Age
    32
    Posts
    2,261
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    link removed

    read this, it may answer your question.

    -DG724

    (i edited the link it should work now)

  8. #8
    ShuShu Fontana
    Member ShuShu Fontana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Born on the Bayou
    Posts
    226
    That link isn't working for me...

  9. #9
    Beec
    Platinum Member Beec's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    7,404
    I think fi you are the dumper, the thing to ask is what does contact do? NC may not change how you feel, it may allow you to move on, you may change your mind. But contact could change things too.

    If the person changed and had contact, and what you ended it over was no longer there, wuoldn't you think about being with them again.

    If they are never going to be an option, would contact feel good? Would they be ok with being just friends? Will they still try to get you back, which is annoying if you the dumper.

    I think it depends.

  10. #10
    jbaskerville
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Age
    41
    Posts
    18
    dragongirl 724--

    while i think that what you said in your post (the link that i read) is true some of the time, i don't think it is true all of the time.

    I wanted to know from a dumper if the NC rule has ever worked on them. apparently, sometimes it works, and sometimes it does not.

    the one thing that i know for sure in this whole process is that there are no set hard and fast rules, and nothing is guaranteed.

    on another note, this site is really helpful because you get a chance to see so many perspectives on one problem. some people are really positive, upbeat and really want you to feel better. others seem to be really jaded, and although they have harsh words for you, they want you to feel better too. tough love i guess.

    as for my situation, all i know is that i hurt, really, really bad. i really do love him (not the idea of him), but at the same time-- i know that i need time to myself. lack of that time for myself is what probably got me into this predicament in the first place.

    i just want to get to the point where i don't feel so cruddy anymore. i want to get to the point where i don't think about him all the time. i want to get back to myself.

    this website is definitely something that can help with that process.

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
Slow death..... or a knife?
Once again I am really struggling today. It's been a week since I posted about struggling with NC, and today is the postponement agreement that I
I'm just so ANGRY
I think this must be a normal phase in the healing process, but jesus... I am just so ANGRY with him over these last few days!!! Before that I had
Ex apologizes? Response?
Hello, a guy I had liked and we had sorta started talking but he completely ghosted on me after a month with some bs excuse about personal stuff
Falling back down again...
So... I thought I was doing really well there for a while. I went for weeks without crying over my ex. I was really happy and productive, enjoying
Meeting her tomorrow...
Morning all... as the title says im after 3 months meeting up with my ex gf tomorrow, going for a coffee, and getting some stuff returned. Im nervous
Loneliness amongst other things..
Hello. Just a brief post here a slight vent, I suppose. I'm feeling really alone lately and I know I can't really be trying with any other
Question regarding the famous NC rule
I have a question with No Com. I know it's essential in the healing process. But what if the other party is only waiting for you to reach out and the

Featured Threads
Controlling or very opinionated?
Hi, my name is Michael. I came here for some advice on my girlfriend and I's relationship. I am 17 and she is 16 and we've been dating for just shy
Women who prefer/only date younger men
I am dating a woman who is 9 years older than me. However, going after younger guys doesn't appear to be her pattern. In fact, the age difference
Still feels like the first day...
Long long story short.. I'll Coles notes it. I meet the love of my life at a gig I was playing, we ended up not spending a single night apart for
My partner and I have different goals, values, and thinking, should we continue?
My partner and I met a couple years ago when she moved to the city I lived in. We had shared a group of friends but never really knew each other
I'm hurt and not sure what to do ...
So ,this is my first time posting here ,but My mother always said it helps to write things down .So here it goes ! ^^ For a couple of weeks now
Who Am I and What do I Want?
Hi everyone, and thanks for reading this. At the moment I feel like I am having some sort of identity crisis, whilst not knowing what I want for
Is it wrong that I still talk to my ex boyfriend?
My ex boyfriend dumped me last week because he was pressuring me to have sex and I wasn't ready to have sex and he keeps calling and texting me every
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •