11 year age gap tearing family apart

my boyfriend and i have an 11 year age age between us. i am 19 turning twenty in 2 months and he just turned 31 a few days ago. the problem is this: my father is TOTALLY against it. everyone else in my family (mother included) is supportive of our relationship and they all like him very much. they are always arguing with my father trying to get him to understand that im happy with my bf. i dont ask much of my parents. i was never a 'bad kid', i dont hit them up for money or anything like that, (i work, have my own apartment, and go to school) and ive never given him reason to believe i cant take care of myself.

every other guy my age that ive dated/had a relationship with has been GROSSLY IMMATURE. for age 19, im a very mature person and i have only found a match for my maturity in my boyfriend who is much older. everyone in my family has met my boyfriend but my father refuses to meet him! throughout, my bf has been the kindest most understanding guy around. he even offered to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with my father. but my dad wants nothing to do with him. this is tearing me apart. the two most important men in my life cant come together in acknowledgement of one another.

it hurts that my father is acting weird towards me. he is always very short and curt with me on the phone and whenever i try to see him he says hes busy. when i ask him to talk to me he says theres nothing to talk about. its gotten to be unbearable lately. i refuse to break up with my bf. i deserve happiness too and being with him makes me happy. i dont think i should have to give that up to appease my father. what can i do to smooth things over with my dad? im at the end of my rope. any advice would be great

I suppose you will have to just give him time to come around. If I was your father, I wouldnt want you dating a 31 year old guy either. Especially coupled with the problems your boyfriend has, which I remember you saying in your last post.

Let me pose a question to you: Would you want a guy with the age difference and the problems he has dating your daughter?

knowing the kind of person i am, i would probably tell her to be very careful with herself and her feelings (which i actually am trying to do). but the thing is this: my father knows nothing of my bf's issues! he is not basing his attitude off of anything other than the fact that my bf is older than me. yes, my bf has issues but not the kind that make him a bad person (his past and childhood was rough). and we've been "official" for about a little over a month but the chemistry was definitely brewing well before then. ive come to know him well as a person. i just wish my father would give him the chance to show this kind, sweet, caring person that i have come to know and love.... frankly, im all out of ideas.....

No offense, but I still fail to see how you can call him caring and kind when he physically hurt you, and I am sure your fathers reaction would to grab a shotgun. I think if your mother knew about what happened to you, she would have such warm thoughts about your boyfriend.

Your father is seeing what any sane man would; a 31 year old man using his experience to take advantage of a 19 year old girl. Im 26 (almost 27), and I wouldnt date a 19 year old.

Like I said before, you cant force this guy on your dad, you will just have to let time take care of that. Hes easier going then I would be, ill tell you that much.

When my younger sister was 17, and I was 19, this 21 year old guy she was dating dropped her off drunk. She fell out of the car onto the pavement and he was laughing. I pulled him out of his car through his driver side window and beat the crap out him.

Just thought I would tell you a story that might make you feel better, your dad could be an even more overprotective family member like me!

To me, the issue isn't the age gap. The real issue for me would be the fact that he hurt you, and you're excusing it. I don't know you, and I don't know him. I believe that you love him very much, and that the age difference shouldn't be an issue, but you shouldn't make excuses for his bad choices.

If it's any consolation, when my cousin was your age, she was in the exact same situation, and they got married. Not only that, but her situation was a bit stranger, as her boyfriend had a son who was 11 years YOUNGER than my cousin. SO it was 11 years between the kid and my cousin, and 11 years between my cousin and her man! LOL! Her family REALLY didn't like that. But they've been married for three years now, and things are going really well for them.