i love my bf but can't stop thinking about someone else....

I've been in a serious (living together) relationship for almost 2 years. My boyfriend is loving, understanding, caring - everything that I could have hoped for. I love him deeply and the thought of being without him destroys me. We have a wonderful life together and our future looks even brighter. All my friends love him and say how lucky I am, and I am VERY lucky...I know all this...

The problem is this other guy "Jack". Before my current relationship, Jack and I have a hot and heavy love affair for 5 years. Jack is one of those very attractive sought after single guy. He can charm anyone and can blend with any group of people...very dynamic and that is how I fell. He was sometimes in a relationship or I was sometimes in a relationship...we somehow always ended up back in bed together...I don't think we went more than a few days without seeing each other despite whatever else was going on. Despite all this, we never got into a relationship of the conventional committed sense. Too many trust issues and arguments, but throughout all those years our passion for each other never died and it only got stronger. I realized years ago that we had no future and finally walked away. It was a drastic move that involved a change of job, address and phone number to avoid him creeping back into my life.

The problem is that not one day goes by where I haven't thought about him. I thought it would pass but two years later, I can't shake him. To make it worse, we now have mutual friends again. The first time I saw him was at a Christmas party and I bolted. I faked sick, so my boyfriend has no idea. Now, we will be attending the same wedding next weekend and my boyfriend can't come. I'm terrified. I honestly don't know if I can resist him...and I know he has been asking about me.

Help! How do I get this guy out of my mind??? Why am I still thinking about him?? We were never in love! It was lust and I realize that, so why then??? I don't understand and it's killing me....

This is going to be tough. If you really can't get out of going to the wedding, you will have to be brave and talk to him, but don't go anywhere with him. Make sure that you bring someone with you who will understand the situation and can help you out of a tough situation.

Just say no!!

sounds like one of those famous would if things you are just wondering would if if you werent with this guy what would it be like with that guy .... but what ever you do dont cheat cuz thats just wrong idk what to tell you becuase you are the only one that can tell what guy is right for you but i woudlnt worry about it unless you think you will cheat or ruin your current relationship

Whatever happens, it's up to you, and you will be the only one to blame.

It's not his fault that he's charming and you don't think you can resist him, or whatever it is that you see in him.

I don't understand how it could possibly be that hard for you to just forget about this other guy if you love your boyfriend so much. You need to understand what it is that you're doing and getting yourself into. Forget this other guy. You shouldn't have to go as far as getting someone else to stop you from going anywhere with him, either, because you need to be mature and do that yourself. It's also not fair to your boyfriend that his girl is thinking about another guy and doesn't think she can help herself in such a situation.

I think what would really help you is to sit down and try to imagine what if you did get together with this other guy and how much it would destroy your life with your boyfriend. I think your problem is not knowing what you're getting into. You may not realize the extent of it, and you should do some serious thinking and maybe then you can come to the conclusion in which you'll forget this guy.

I read your post, and quite frankly, this guy sounds like an old boyfriend of mine that I was VERY CLOSE TO MARRYING. But he was bad news. He had this way about him that was very charismatic, and he knew how to get to me, no matter how bad things were. There was incredible chemistry between us, and he made me feel awesome. He was very good looking, wealthy, charming, and he knew it. He made me feel great, and when things were good, they were fantastic! I don't think I have been with another person who made me feel that way. But the bad part was that he was always seeking attention. I really felt that if we ever married, his attention-seeking ways would never die, and he would cheat on me. I knew he would never want to lose me, but I also knew he could not stop receiving attention from others. We went through enough devastating times that I knew deep down the "highs" of the high times were not as strong as the "lows" of the low times.

You know, I haven't seen him in 20 years, and I would BET he could still manage to get to me! But I am very sure that if I married him, it wouldn't have lasted.

SO...if you really love your current bf, either don't go to the wedding, or go with an informed friend who will keep you from being unwise, because you will be tempted.

BTW, after we broke up, I married someone else, moved, made my new number unlisted because he always said he would find me again and rescue me from wherever I was and carry me off on his white horse. (how do you like those lines!!)

Well, after two years, I thought about him, and since I am anonymous on this forum, I will tell you that I met him just to see if we coulda..woulda....shoulda, etc. and to permanently get those thoughts out of my mind. He couldn't wait to tell me about his current "perfect and beautiful" girlfriend, but also that he was out at a club, and these three girls were all over him, and he went home with one of them, but his girlfriend still takes him back. I looked at him and thought "THANK GOD it's that poor other girl in a relationship with you and not me!" And I went home with a very good smile on my face.

Maybe you see a similarity here, and can get something out of this story of mine. I think this guy of yours would make a fun boyfriend, but a nightmare of a husband. Try to keep that in mind when you see him. Good luck.

I agree with xmrth, if you really love and cherish your current boyfriend as you say you do, then I don't see how you can keep fantasizing so vividly two years later. It sounds as if you still feel the need to explore other relationships (or, you are more attracted to dysfunctional relationships, y'know?). But, I doubt that you would want to end your relationship with your boyfriend over this, so I would suggest sitting down and seriously ask yourself what it is you truly want.

Sometimes just writing down your feelings will get them out of your head and you will feel better!

This is just a guess, but perhaps you are being selfish by wanting to be with this other guy? I don't mean selfish in a bad manner, but in a good way as in; you are thinking about what could make you happy. And since this other guy has always "turned your crank", then perhaps it's just your human nature to want something or someone who excites you?

I agree with the rest of the posters about either skipping the wedding or bringing someone close to you who can be your voice of reason. Please don't get sucked into being a cheater because really, there's not one ounce of good that will come out of it.

WOW. i TOTALLY understand where you're coming from. i struggled with an almost carbon copy of your situation. the only difference: my bf and i dont live together and there was no 'wedding' (hehe). But yea, i love my bf soooo much but for a period of time, i was finding it EXTREMELY hard to get this other guy off my mind. what made it worse for me was that this other guy and myself live six blocks away from each other! so i constantly worry that ill bump into him in the dry cleaners or the supermarket, or the train station...etc. we had a HOT and HEAVY sexual relationship.

by far he was the one guy in my life who could turn me on just from looking at him. it was just hard to walk away from that. but i saw no future for us and knew i could not trust him if i ever was in a 'relationship' with him. most of my friends say im very lucky to have my bf (and i agree). my mom thinks hes great and so does the rest of my family. which is why i felt so bad for wanting/yearning/thinking about this old FWB.

the one reason i havent cheated is because i know the guilt would kill me if i did. before meeting me, my bf had had several previous gfs cheat on him and he told me how much he loves me and thinks the world of me because im 'different' and he "knows he doesnt have to worry about me being unfaithful" (his words exactly). so i dont wanna be like all those other girls who cheated on him. i know that deep down he doesnt deserve that. hes too good to be treated so badly. i have never known a man to be so sweet and loving who cares about me and actually WANTS to build a future with me. this is what keeps me loyal everyday.

i know its hard sometimes because we all have those carnal desires that eat away at us. but just remain strong and ask yourself this: "what has my bf done to deserve me cheating on him?" if your answer is "nothing", then dont do it.... PM me if you need extra encouraging words from someone who INTIMATELY UNDERSTANDS your situation (like me, hehe)