Okay, can we define "Infidelity"?

Hello there;

I've seen in more postings people saying there is infidelity in their personal relationships to include that of boyfriend and girlfriends dating just a few months, to married couples cheating, etc., from one end of the continuum to the other.

Frankly, I don't think infidelity applies to b/fs and g/fs, but mainly to being faithful to your spouse, whom you've made a solid legal vow to publicly. Okay, the public thing applies to both. The vow could apply to both situations, i.e., married or not married.

I think it confuses the true meaning of faithfulness when couples who aren't married say that their partners are cheating on them. I mean I do truly understand an agreement to be tothether and not to see other people and not to have sex with other people. In this case, it certainly breaks trust.

But the term Infidelity in my opinion mainly applies to those who are not legally married.

(I'm gonna get some flames here I know it! )

No offense, but I just think fidelity vs infidelity applies only to marrieds.

Now could we just talk about this without insults and emotion with no venting?

someone start a forum solely for vents. That way we don't have to read when the **it hitting the fan.

11Flower

Correction--

The term INFIDELITY applies mainly to those who are *legally* married.

oops!

11F

i think infedility applies to anyone who has a loving partner and they break that trust. marriage doesn't change who you are as a person and shouldnt change your committment to your partner.

as far as im concerned a loving couple is really married a long time before they actually get married.

as far as im concerned a loving couple is really married a long time before they actually get married.

Wow; another very well said opinion.

I don't think I can follow that one and I agree.

I think I do see your point. But unfaithfulness in marriage usually applies to someone who is married and has sex outside the marriage, emotional, and that.

I just have to argue the point. Breaking trust and lying apply to both situations, married or single and together. But so many people today define nonsingle as being with someone steady, but not married.

Very confusing if you ask me and blurs the meaning in ways of being legally married, or wholly committed. I know people who are wholly committed...for a few months. They get tired when the trouble comes up and leave the relationship. In marriage, you can't easily do that.

That's why I think people don't get married, so they can leave easily when the trouble arises.

But that's more opinion,

11Flower

I think commitment to a partner exists before the act of marriage vows takes place. Your relationship should be committed before you get married. I know some relationships are casual, but then you know your boundaries by talking to one another.

Infidelity is infidelity in my opinion whether married or in a committed relationship. Trust is essential to a healthy, loving relationship...you cannot reach true love without trust, and I would not trust someone who felt that cheating was okay. Heck, if someone was sleeping around or emotionally committing elsewhere before we were married too, I would not get married to them!

So, in other words, unless you have an arrangement with your "partner" to have an open relationship, cheating is cheating/infidelity.

And what of partners who choose not to marry but are together for life? My mother and stepfather have been together 18 years, but not married by choice and due to complications from past marriages if they did. They are the most committed people I have ever known. What about those who live with partners before they marry? Are they allowed to be less committed then?

May I ask why you say that the word infidelity only applies to married couples???

I agree with your thoughts on infidelity, although some people seem take infidelity too far when they have been dating a couple months. That attitude seems to work well for short term relationships but some people have been in relationships that have lated 3-10 years without marriage entering the picture. I believe that you can take a stand and say that simply a bf/gf relationship is just a simple verbal agreement to remain committed to eachother. Most people seem to want something comforting thats long lasting and when that changes they get hurt. I dont believe that most people are willing to accept this idea of infidelity I do believe that it makes sense and seems more appropriate than simply calling everything infidelity. It would seem to me that inherent in the concept of fidelity there has to be more than a verbal agreement to remain committed to eachother. However this doesnt negate the pain that is felt when you trust is betrayed by a by or gf but simply labeling it infidelity doesnt seem like the proper terminology.

I agree. Marriage really has very little to do with it... A relationship is about trust. By being in a relationship (I guess I need to say 'traditional' here), each person is saying to the other that they only want to be with that person. Even if not legally married, there is an understood trust and commitment there. If that trust is broken or the commitment is broken, then that is infidelity... The infidelity is more about the commitment side of things than trust (IMO). When one person begins showing feelings (or having sex or anything else that detracts from the commitment) for another person, then that says, "I am not really all that commited to you." Do you want to be a bf/gf that does not want that committment? Some people do, some don't. But, in any relationship, the partners have got to understand what the level of committment is...

I agree with the other posts, which have said that infidelity can occur outside of marriage. I think the only requirement is a committed relationship. While there is not a legal commitment between an unmarried couple, in my opinion, there is still a commitment. Here's what dictionary had to say about infidelity.

in·fi·del·i·ty ( P ) Pronunciation Key (nf-dl-t)

n. pl. in·fi·del·i·ties

Unfaithfulness to a sexual partner, especially a spouse.

An act of sexual unfaithfulness.

Lack of fidelity or loyalty.

Lack of religious belief.

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Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition

Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.

Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Okay, someone posted the definition of "infidelity" from link removed.

"Unfaithfulness to a sexual partner, especially a spouse."

That said, then this could mean that anyone having sex could be considered closer to married. That sounds obvious, like, duh. But just because people have sex doesn't make them *legally* married. Right? Yet, there is an indication that infidelity more applies to a legally married couple.

But again, what if the legally married couple isn't sexually involved? Does this mean that it is not infidelitous if there is infidelity of either one of the partners because they are not actually married though legally married but not sexual partners? LOL

Very confusing. I know...rediculous argument.

11Flower

Infidelity is a term use in a marriage only, but you can cheat on a bf/gf. As for what cheating is, I think each person his his/her own definition. Some are broader than others. Basically, I think if you are in a relationship, unless you both know it is okay to see other people, you should be faithful and even have a talk about what you feel is cheating. I've been surprised by some answers I've heard.

mt_joy,

You are saying that if in any agreement, even if not married, an example of cheating might be, say, when one partner doesn't tell the other he/she is looking for other endeavors romantically or sexually or anything, yet giving the partner the idea that he/she is being faithful to the agreement.

So it's a matter of "agreement" or covenent and keeping faithful to that whether married or not.

I have heard of some people who want to appear to regard fidelity yet not be, and others who may be tempted not to remain faithful, yet remain faithful afterall. Oh well.