how hard is it for girls to stand up to thier parents?

My gf and i have been on and off for almost two years now. A few months ago we went to the beach and we both had a great time. a couple of days after that she tells me she wants to end it. i was shocked. turns out she had a so called talk with her mom. (her mom by the way hates me because i am cambodian and am supposedly not good enough for her family, only chinese and whites are) so her and her mom have a long talk about her future with school, guys, and marriage. her mom says she is young, should be single and experience guys. so after she "talked" to her mom she felt pressured to break up with me which she did. i knew in my heart it wasnt her choice when she broke up with it me, even though she never said so. so 2 months pass by and we both go back to school. i bumped into her we chatted for a little and finally asked her why she made the decision and if it was really hers. she admitted that it wasnt really her tru decision she also told me that right after we broke up she saw her ex. her mom loves her ex b/c he is white and is rich, not sayin im poor or nething. her mom talks about him all the time to her blah this blah that. so she went on a few dates to make her mother happy and to see if her mother was right . when she told me this i was really hurt, and she said that it made it clear that she really loved me. so i was okay with since they did not do nething sexual (shes waitin till marriage, which is why her ex dumped her). so another few months go by and everthing is great again. it doenst last of course. when we went home for winter break the gf one day called and i knew something was up. the next day i talked to her she was like i just want to be friends, which was totally different from what she said right b4 we left home for break. but by the way she talked and said things i knew that there was something else. she feels guilty that she is with me b/c she is lying to her parents and that she wants just to be friends. dont get me wrong i am ok with being friends, but i already went down that road and its the same. after we broke up b4 i was just her friend and she still couldnt hang out or do nething that firends could do. i just feel that she could never stand up for me and especially herself. she always does what her parents want sacrificing her happiness. our relationship has been absolutely wonderful, we love spending time with each other, and i really truly love her. the only time things are sour is when her parents come up. if they know we are together they give her lots of trouble by saying degrading things and ignoring her. if they dont know we are together the gf feels guilty of lying and stuff. i just dont know what to do, i told her that i wouldnt talk to her anymore becuase the problem isnt between us and that she is taking it out on our relationship. i told her she has to talk to her parents if she really loves me. its not like im a criminal or ever treated her bad. i just feel the bottom line is that she cant talk to her parents because they will degrade her again. its not like im telling her to decided between her parents and i. i really miss her a lot and dont know what to do. =**(

This isn't a gender question (you asked how difficult it was for *girls* to stand up to their parents)...this is simply a 'people' question. Different people handle things differently. Some have difficulty standing up to others; some do not. You can't generalize something like this, so you need to look only at *your* situation with *her*.

I know you have strong feelings for her and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but....she obviously doesn't feel as strongly for you as you do for her. If she did, she *would* stand up to her parents. We fight for things when we feel they are worth fighting for. If your ex isn't willing to fight for you then you need to be glad she's your *ex*.

In other words, I think it's time you stop waiting around for her to grow a backbone and start taking charge of your own life. Find a girl who is willing to stand up for you -- you deserve nothing less.

Having been through similar situation as your gf myself, I hope you can hear my perspective objectively. As background info, I broke up with ex of 3 years due to a lot of mixed reasons, but throughout our relationship my parents never supported me. Like your ex's parents, they would degrade my ex whenever I mention him, and I've been through a "if you choose him over us, then you're not our daughter anymore" crisis. (FYI, I ended up choosing him over my parents that time)

I can only speak from my experience, but from your post it seems you two are still young (still at school). So I don't think Amethyst's comment is fair to your gf. It's really easy to say if you love someone, you would stand up for him against the unreasonable bias of her parents.. that's much easier said than done. In traditional chinese culture, dating you against her parents' will is extremely hard, and yet she has done that for 2 years. That is because, like you said, she is truly happy when she is with you. However, she is torn between being with you, and pleasing her parents. Right now it seems like her parents are "winning", does that mean she loves her parents more than she loves you? I feel that is another unfair question to ask.

That is almost a "if you love me enough, you would this, this, this" comment. Conversely, we can also say "if you love me enough, you wouldn't make me choose this, this, this".

Ok so I should stop saying what you already know, so what should you do in this situation? I remember I was really happy whenever my ex show the slightest effort in attempt to make my parents like him. So what you need to do is to get good grades, show potential that you'll have the quality to get a high pay job in the end, show her parents that you really care about their daughter and treat her really well (pamper her but DO NOT WASTE UNNECESSARY MONEY). They will surely find flaws in your attempts but don't feel daunted. All these small things will make a difference because in the end, her parents only want what they think is best for her. They'll come around and see that her daughter is happy when she is with you, and that her life is not screwed eternally by being with you.

I'm not telling you to stick to your gf or find other girls. To me, I know the parents reaction will change after a few years time, whether you two want to go through it or wait it out is up to you.

As for the answer to your topic question: very hard, trust me.

(FYI, I ended up choosing him over my parents that time)

That only proves my point. If she truly cared about him, she would choose her bf over her parents just as *you* did.

It would be different if he were a criminal or had done something wrong. But, when people discriminate just because of someone's race, gender, etc., then it's time to take a stand.

Edit: I'm not saying it's a "fair" situation -- anytime people show prejudice it's going to be unfair. But, as I said if the cause (or *person*) means enough to you, you will take a stand against that prejudice.