Hurt,Angry,Betrayed,Devastated,Upset etc.....

[Jaysee]

Hello this might get long so bare with me... I'll try to shorten it up as much as possible. I am Jaysee, from Ontario, Canada I am 24 years old... June 12th 1999 I married the man I feel in love with from high school he is 22 now... we were 18 and 20 when we married. Shortly after our wedding I learned I was pregnant and our son was born February 9th 2000. We live in a small rural area of Ontario, not a lot of opportunity here, but he wanted to stay here because he was born here and his family is here, I was ok with that I worked seasonally and he always found jobs that ended him being laid off all the time, he never looked much for other jobs and when he was laid off he'd just stay home on unemployment insurance (which is only half of what he earned at work) we struggled financially for sure! We even moved in with his parents at one point and that was hell on earth... during living with them I developped Post partum depression... and his parents constantly interferred in our lives (although they did this before we married it was much much worse after we married and horrible while living with them after the baby was born, infact my MIL was OBSESSED with my child) the whole situation was scary and we moved out within 3 months... husband got a new job, we moved out of the immediate area and things were GREAT! His parents started complaining they never saw him or the baby and can you believe we moved back?? That's when it all went downhill.. I was still suffering with post partum depression, withdrawing into my own little world, he got laid off, we struggled yet again financially, we constantly had troubles with vehicles it was a mess... but slowly we started to rebuild as I recovered... and we were getting happy again!

 

Husband found a new job, things were going great.. until he met this guy at work and they became friends... this guy was bad news, he was an addict, he was a theif and he was irresponsible.. soon him and my husband started going on shoplifting sprees and my husband even allowed his friend to drive while drinking with my almost 2 year old in the vehicle... not too long after, my husband was arrested for shoplifting and he finally "ditched" his friend.. I thought that was the end of the bad news! His parents learned of his arrest (in the newspaper) and suddenly they were around again... CONSTANTLY and interferring and blaming me for everything that was going on... sure I guess anyone could do that after all I basically sat back and kept quiet.. what could I do besides call the police on my husband? he got caught that's all that mattered? I thought he learned his lesson?

 

anyways.. fast forward to April 2002 my husband was yet arrested again, he was put on probation April 2nd for his shoplifting charge and April 18th he was arrested for conspiracy to commit robbery, break & enter & theft and breech of probation.. there was no conspiracy but the other charges he is guilty of... the conspiracy charge is too long in detail to explain, but I was arrested for that too.. because I was there when the alleged conversation took place, I was also arrested for possession of stolen property (the stuff was in our house, he wasn't charged with that though) I spent 5 days in jail and was released on $1000 bail... I was released April 22nd, that night I had learned that I was pregnant with child #2 my husband was released April 23rd part of our conditions of release was that we have no contact with one another and that he live with his surety (his parents) oh god, how I feared that... my husband HAD to live with them and he wasn't allowed contact with me.. I felt like that was the end of us for sure... and I was right...

 

our 2 year old son was going back and forth spending time with both of us, he was with me the majority though, and of course the in-laws were controlling the ENTIRE situation and would blow up at me if I wasn't here when they came to pick up my son (they never called just showed up) but if I needed something, they got it for me, and they would take me to appointments and stuff since my husband had our car... but after awhile they stopped doing that and they started picking fights and people would come up to me and say "I heard your mother in law say that if its up to her, your husband will never be coming home to you" etc...

 

then.. June 2nd... my son went for a visit over there but he never came back.. I kept calling and no one would return my calls.. I found out why... June 5th I was served with a petition for divorce (paid for by my in-laws since husband wasn't working and they even used their lawyer.. irony eh?) they kept my son until I could get a lawyer and get to court on June 17th my surety (husband's sister) had also revoked my bail and sent me back into custody for a night...

 

court on the 17th ended with joint custody, me having the majority through out the next few months it was more games, head games, treating me like crap (the in-laws since even to this day husband and I can NOT talk) they showed complete disregard for me and had my 2 year old son calling me by my first name.... December 25th I gave birth, alone, to our second child, a boy. I called my in-laws so they could tell my husband that he was a new father again... I asked if they would let him come and see the baby, that I didn't have to be there, and they said no.. when I got out of the hospital I still kept asking... still no... finally on February 19th my husband saw the baby for the first time for 20 minutes and he has seen him 3 more times since, he sees our oldest pretty regularly even has him every other weekend.. he hasn't seen the baby in over a week now.

 

He feels he will get custody of both kids I hear, he tells people I am a bad mom, I am mean, I don't like my kids, I don't love them, that I drink and do drugs, I party every weekend and that I have 3 boyfriends... none of that is true...

 

I've been living for my children, my now 3 year old son comes home from there telling me all about "Jen" who he says is "Daddy's Jen" and how Daddy and Jen sleep together and Jen squishes daddy's leg... what I want to know is why my 3 year old knows this.. I've also seen a personal ad in the newspaper that belongs to my husband stating that he is looking for women 30-40's for "fun" this is not the type of lifestyle I want for my kids...he also had ads online too I imagine my husband is quite happy with his parents he no longer has to worry about rent, bills, groceries or life in general... and he can see his kids (when he chooses to with the baby anyways) and of course the in-laws are happy they have their baby back and they want my babies too. I even have a court order that my husband has to help with diapers and formula and stuff... he doesn't infact my mother in law showed up at my house a few weeks ago (uninvited and with out calling) my kids were visiting with my mom for awhile so I could clean... she then demanded to know when I was going to go get them (I said not right at the moment) and she stormed out saying "never mind then" I asked about the diapers and stuff to which she said "I have the stuff but if I can't come in and see the kids you aint getting it.. ever." (I guess she didn't believe me the kids weren't home? I don't know...she's dellusional I think.... anyways I still haven't received any help and its been a month since this order has been in effect my lawyer is trying to work it out without going to court, but seems we'll probably be going back to court...

 

I think the best way to sum everything up is.. my in-laws sheltered my husband when he was growing up (he never even went to a birthday party, a sleepover, an amusement park.. nothing) he spent all his time either at school or at home with them.. when I came along he wanted to be with me and they resented ME for that... they never taught him HOW to think only WHAT to think... he was their robot, they controlled him and they expected to control me, our marriage, our kids etc... had they been better parents when he left home he may have known how to make responsible decisions and choice and never would have went "crazy" when given the freedom to be "crazy" ... but now who is sufferring? me and the children.

 

they see nothing wrong with the current situation infact, my mother in law once said to me a few months ago "we have money tied up in all this, what's done is done.. everyone will just have to get through it I guess" again to me that says "we own you and your marriage" they make me sick. I feel so angry and hurt and betrayed. I'd love to share all the good things... like how my husband and I had fun together, we rarely fought... he made a few bad choices but don't dwell on those, he can be nice and sweet and loving and caring... he's good with our oldest son.. but now he's changed so much, I think he's back in robot mode, he only knows what THEY tell him since we can't talk.. and I can only imagine what that is.. now I learn he tries to paint ME as a monster, probably to gain pity, to look like the victim, so he feels better about himself for what he has done to his wife and children and for what he's allowed his parents to do to us as well...

 

sorry for such a long post I hope I maintained your attention, and you can offer some advice... honestly I'd really like to have my "family" back together, we were happy once... we can be again...

[SwingFox]

Hello Jaysee...

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com. I am sorry to read what you have been going through and the pain that you're still suffering day in, day out. I feel that you're in an awful situation.

 

Being in a controlled situation is a very difficult situation. I think that in order to get yourself back on your feet, you will have to get out of that controlling grip first. I value the step that you made to your lawyer. Personally I think that is a good idea.

 

If I would be in your situation, I would definitely get a restraining order held against your in laws. I understand this creates a problem in your 3yr old seeing his dad vice versa, but I would suggest that you let your ex solve this matter. It is his problem not your inlaw's problem. A restraining order against your in laws will give you some air to breathe.

 

Unfortunately that won't happen overnight. In a simultaneous process I would change the locks on your doors and lock yourself in. If your in laws show up, at least they can't get in. That will return you the safety of your home again. I have a feeling you feel unsafe and threatened all the time.

 

In a third process (again simultaneously) I would start to stand up against your inlaws. Try to avoind yelling at them, but do get your point accross. May be it would be a good plan to tell them first that you don't like them at all and that you want them to get out of your face. If the father of your children has something to say, he can contact your lawyer. Your inlaws are not part in this whole situation and have NO saying at all.

 

Be ready, though. If you plan to follow my advice, you will get yourself in a nasty situation. I am fully aware that others do not agree with this piece of advice, but this is what *I* would do. Noone will ever control my life and what I do. My life is holy ... and I am the only one pulling the strings.

 

If you feel you need more input, feel free to find me on MSN. I am happy to hear you out and give you more insight. For now I wish you good luck and lots of strengths.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[TearsofaDragon20]

let me start off by saying your in-laws need a swift kick in the @$$ MAJORLY. you dont control anyone especially if their married. where do they get off telling you stuff like that? they have empty threats and cant find a better way to make use of their time and try and help. no see that would make sense to all of us who know what common sense is.they obviously dont have a clue what consideration is. and to add insult to injury they go and demand this and that telling you how your life is going to be........im sorry but this is america and it's the land of the FREE. they got alot of issues that they need to sort out and correct. but all you can do now is move on start living life the way YOU should not by anyone elses saying. just get the most out of life. everyone should.

[Jaysee]

let me start off by saying your in-laws need a swift kick in the @$$ MAJORLY. you dont control anyone especially if their married. where do they get off telling you stuff like that? they have empty threats and cant find a better way to make use of their time and try and help.

 

Agreed. I have talked to many people over the past few months and that is the one thing that baffles us all the most. How these people used a time of 'crisis' to rip our marriage and family apart instead of help keep us together and be supportive and caring... no they couldn't they're too selfish!

 

I wasn't a "perfect" wife, I'm not even trying to say that I was, I've hurt him in the past... but that's just it.. it was the past, we had moved beyond that long ago... but I hear he's grasping at straws now, desperately trying to paint me as a monster by using things in the past (the main thing being I was mentally ill with post partum depression bordering on psychosis for a year) but its not like I woke up one day and CHOSE to be that way for that long... I was not myself, I did strange things, I was irritable, mean, withdrawn and believe me I didn't like it or understand it either! but to use these things against me is cruel. I loved him. I still do.

 

I made vows, promises, a commitment to this man until death do us part. I'm still alive aren't I?