Question about talking and listening..

[-Sanguine-]

Okay, this might be a silly thing to say because I know that guys are not generalized all into one category...

 

but my ex was very anti talk about feeling/address issues in our relationship. If we had a problem, he would ignore it or make a joke.. or even better, bring it up when he was drunk and get angry. Yup. In the beginning of our relationship, he wasn't like this.. he must have been trying to impress me because whenever I had a bad day, he would let me cry on his shoulder or vent to him and he didn't seem to mind at all. But then he started to hate it and would avoid me alltogether if I had anything to say that would provoke a serious discussion.

 

I don't think I abused him either. It's not like I cried to him ALL the time. But I thought it was nice he could be there for me.

 

Anyway, I'm talking to this guy and he told me he likes to have deep conversations with his female friends and he offered to listen to me if I needed to talk about anything (this is after I told him I was in couselling). I told him I was impressed by this and he seemed to think talking about feelings was perfectly normal.

 

So now I'm wondering..

a) does he ACTUALLY not mind talking about feelings?

b) is he just saying this to impress me and be on good behaviour since I know he likes me as more than a friend (kind of like what my ex did)

 

I don't know what to think. I would like to have a guy who can talk to me about serious stuff and not get all weirded out. Especially if we have a conflict in our relationship, I want to talk it out.

 

How many guys are like my ex? (aside from the drinking..)

How many are not?

Just curious because I am not used to a guy offering to let me talk to him about what I'm going through (a guy who has feelings for me nonetheless..).

[geekgirl4]

I think when you care about someone, when they're feeling down or sad, you'll do what you can to help them. Sounds like your ex did this for you in the beginning because you two were in the honeymoon stages. As it dwindled down for him, so did the amount of care he was willing to put in being there for you. I have a few guy friends who are excellent listeners and don't mind at all listening and comforting (with no unscrupulous intentions in mind). Listening and comforting isn't really something that's strictly gender based. It can generally be, but you'll always find people who break that.

[_Asti_]

My fiance has always been a talker and a listener, right from the start. It's never changed or waivered, he's been true to his word of wanting to know what his partner is thinking and feeling.

 

Its not black and white.

 

There is no way to know if this is saying these things because he thinks its what you want to hear. Only time will tell if he's really the type of guy who is willing to listen, talk,, and ask about what you think and feel.

 

Every guy is different. My fiance is the opposite of your ex.

[sidehop]

I'm sure there are plenty. I'd like to claim to be one, I don't suck at it but my attention span is short that I catch myself drifting off into another space.

 

It's a good trait no doubt, everyone wants to be heard and understood. Just like any communication skill it takes patience regardless of sex. As much as the society pressures men to suppress emotions and speaking out their feelings, I do think it should be taught the other way around.