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I'm sexually frustrated and still a virgin


MD Geist

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I donno if this should be posted here or in the romance and sex section.

 

To make a long story short, I have never had a relationship in my life and trying to engage in the dating life has been a very difficult and painful experience for me. All the girls said no.

 

Before I used to watch porn to astain from sexual activity in real life but about 2 months ago I decided to never watch porn ever again. It was something that never meet my needs and always left me empty so it was in the best interest for me to never watch it again, for personal health and religious reasons it wasn't doing me any good.

 

It has been very difficult to completely turn away everytime I look somewhere its sex....sex....sEX........SEX!!!!! its like no matter how much I try to block it out of my life its there!. People saying I'm not a real man for watching porn and i'm gay and such but people have their opinions i guess.

 

Worst of all its spreds throughout my circle of friends even those who believe are talking about sex. I have had to constantly meet new people make friends over the last couple of weeks and its been cool. I have met and made many new friends but its like I have been put in a cycle that keeps going and going. It bothers me how much of a virgin I'am and how sex is all over the place it makes me feel as if I have a disease or infected with a virus. I really wish I wasn't a virgin and I had many experiences like everyone i know has had throughout there life time. But finding the right sex is impossible for me to attain, I can't even get my foot in the door with dating! let alone trying to be intimate with a girl I like. I haven't felt in love or been kissed yet.

 

Is masturbation the next thing I should try and drop out of my life?. Thats the last spark I have in my high sex drive. It provokes me to wonder what it feels like with a person but again finding that person is impossible.

 

As of late when it comes to anyone talking about relationships or sex I just can't feel but pure jellouslly for those who have experienced it. Ultimately I feel stupid because I have no idea what they are talking about. I have never felt this way before in my life. I have been feeling like the black sheep in my circle of friends who holds a big dark secret dispite I'm a leader who does things that most other people aren't willing to do.

 

Many people say that I have great things going in my life and I have nothing be worried about and I'm stressing over nothing but to me I feel like this is my biggest weakness I currently suffer from and now with a little bit of jellously it can become a problem that couple ultimately crush what I have going.

 

I'm really trying to find the positive in this but its just not happening.

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There are a lot of positives in your situation. For one, you can actually save a lot of money - A LOT of money. Not having a woman is probably in the top 5 of best lifetime financial decisions you could make while you're young. Use this time to plan - you have an advantage over those already in relationships, but it's not worth anything if you don't take the right action now while it counts.

 

I had a friend of a friend who had managed to accrue over $100,000 by the time he was 22 because he had a solid job, he lived with his parents, he had no girlfriend, and he was very wise with his investments. Not long after, he met a nice asian girl who was his first gf - an absolute beauty. He went straight from his parents house to buying his own house. The thing about this guy that helped him achieve that success was his confidence - he never felt sorry for himself or down about his situation, at least not that I ever saw.

 

My advice: be confident and use the opportunities given to you. Life can turn on a dime and it can turn in very good directions if you make good choices and have the confidence, courage, and steadfastness to hold your course.

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If you think not being a virgin could help your self esteem and in turn improve your confidence enough to attract girls (because girls are turned off by lack of it), then go to vegas and get "services", if you know what I mean. If it's that important and that high of a priority, deal with it, get it over with, and feel like an adult. Don't feel ashamed about it, other men have done it. Some men have to, it's the only way they can because they're ugly, have no personality, or lack basic hygiene. You're obviously better than those guys, so just get a bit of confidence, and then get back into the dating game. Do what you gotta do.

 

BTW, PhoenixWright rules

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UGH! Men giving you advice is just pointless....time for us women folk to give you a little advice. First off, I got the vibe that your lack of sex was religious fueled, am I right?

 

Being a virgin is not lame. For me..I think it's pretty damn cool you've been able to wait.Porn is one of those things that can rule your life, if it becomes a big enough addiction. You cutting it out could have been a good thing. As far as masturbation..that's something I try not to do..but let's be honest..we're young. Our bodies need stimulation. GAH..even chicks need to knock one off occasionally. Unless it's become like an addiction..who cares? If you're not getting any sex..might as well utilize ol'e palmela handerson. And I wouldn't advise losing it to an escort...that would not make you popular with the ladies.

 

Girl did you lose it to?

You: Oh this girl named Crystal Chandelier..she was an escort in vegas.

Girl: Check please....

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First of all, porn is no big deal. Anything is one of those things that can rule your life (video games, TV, food, etc). Only if the specific person has a (medically diagnosed) addiction is it a problem. Why would you try not to masturbate? Unless of course it is actually interfering negatively with life.

 

Finally, who in their right mind would tell a girl that they lost their virginity to an escort? Obviously he would lie about it. And really, how many girls ask you who you lost your virginity to? I have never been asked that and if I was, I would say that I don't like talking about past relationships, I don't think it is healthy for ours (I don't want to open Pandora's Box).

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UGH! Men giving you advice is just pointless....time for us women folk to give you a little advice. First off, I got the vibe that your lack of sex was religious fueled, am I right?

 

Not true its the lack of women in my life b/c they have been a challenge to me but then again I could have had sex quite a few times by now.

 

It was the fear of STD's that did it for me.

 

Being a virgin is not lame. For me..I think it's pretty damn cool you've been able to wait.Porn is one of those things that can rule your life, if it becomes a big enough addiction. You cutting it out could have been a good thing. As far as masturbation..that's something I try not to do..but let's be honest..we're young. Our bodies need stimulation. GAH..even chicks need to knock one off occasionally. Unless it's become like an addiction..who cares? If you're not getting any sex..might as well utilize ol'e palmela handerson. And I wouldn't advise losing it to an escort...that would not make you popular with the ladies.

 

Girl did you lose it to?

You: Oh this girl named Crystal Chandelier..she was an escort in vegas.

Girl: Check please....

 

I can't get over the fact if I asked most of you girls who you lost it to and most will say to a guy they barely even knew.

 

I can't tell you how many first time storys i have heard from girls who lost it to some guy they regret losing it to.

 

But I won't lie I have gone as far as posting up a CL add to lose my virginity but its phoney, you get a lot of spammers and Bull * * * * . I just wanted to be on equal footing with women since most of them are not virgins anymore even in my age group.

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I agree with you, IB.

 

I'm sorry you feel like there is nothing but SEX around in your life. It's completely true though, there is sex everywhere... media, commercials, TV, advertisements.. It's so stressful I'm sure! It goes along with women feeling the need to be skinny because of society's standards. I can't help but feel extremely sorry for you because of all this peer pressure.

 

I do not agree that porn or masturbation is a BAD thing. It's only a bad thing if you do it excessively. I take it you are pretty darn religious, so think of it as drinking alcohol. Drinking alcohol is perfectly fine in the Bible, but excessive drinking and getting sloppy drunk is a sin.. According to the Book. So, it's okay if you think you need to live by what the Book says. Just don't overdo it!

 

If you feel like a loser because you are a virgin, I really don't think you are. I don't know if that'll help because I'm just some online chick, but I don't think virgins are weird or losers. It may be ODD in some people's eyes.. But that's only because of society's standards and blockbusters(Sex sells, unfortunately).

 

Hey, think of that movie the 40 yr old virgin =) He found his person eventually!

 

Embrace what you have, as IB told you. I'm sure you a wonderful, compassionate, and extremely nice man. =0) And don't just give it up to anyone. It's apparently important to you, just like getting an STD is important to you, so save it for someone that means something to you.

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Porn was used as something I could learn from and it was fun indeed but I honestly do not want to do it anymore because it has done nothing for me except left me empty. I mean why would I want to watch someone else have sex? I should be experiencing sexual acts myself! not watching someone else live my fantasy! Ultimately it motivated me to seek prositution(Which I should have gone through with it) but never worked out its just not safe to try. The bible or my beliefs are the second reason why I do not do it.

 

Having a huge network of friends, many female friend in that mix as well its like why the hell haven't I had sex by now!?!?. Dispite my weight loss I look great, always dressup nice and carry myself well. I'm working on my future and next month I will be going for my series 63 license which is something that most kids my age will never see until they are in their late 30's. I'm investing towards the future I mean there's so much I'm doing at my age its not like I'm out partying and getting drunk every friday! or getting into trouble with the law. I'm striving to be someone.

 

The whole virginity deal is I always wanted to wait for sex for marriage and would have liked my partner to do the same and i feel that will never happen so many forums I have read where people lose their virginity to someone they barley even know I mean even here and its like why the hell not go out and give it up?. Chances are IF I ever get into a relationship that person would have been around the block many times before me. Second what really bothers me is if I tell a girl I'm still a virgin she's going to give me the once over look as if I'm a weird or something is wrong with me.

 

I have been playing around with the idea of just having sex to get it over and done with then find start looking for the right one but the only people that are worthy are those who want a man to be committed to them yet they will not give me a chance with them.

 

Girls tell me(generally they reject me) Theres a woman out there who will appreciate a man like me and she just has not come along yet and before I believed it and now I think its a load of * * * * . I feel very stuck, frustrated and ashamed.

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Please don't feel that way!

 

Ok. Story about one of my best friends:

 

Crazy red head girl. God I love that one to death. She's insane.. good insane though! She parties MAJOR hardcore. Drugs, drinking.. you name it. But, she's such a good person. Anyway. She's been with a few guys.. I don't want to say she's a skank because I know her better, but she definitely likes her sex. She's turned hardcore Christian virgins into sex-loving-gods. She's 21 and going to college in San Marcos, TX. She just met this AMAZING guy named Greg. She told me a while back that she really likes this guy, that I really need to meet him, and he's actually taken her on several dates - something most guys have never done for her! She tells me all the amazing things about him and then says.... He's a 22yr old virgin. I'm like, WHAT? Really? Someone SHE would go for in college is a virgin? He's not a loser, or weird at all. He just never had sex in highschool. Then after he graduated he was like.. You know what, I'm going to stay a virgin til I'm married, I've waited this long.. why not? My girlfriend says she'es going to have sex with him soon. lol. We'll see about that..

 

But really. You're okay. I can see where it would be extremely frustrating... but don't be ashamed. It's your choice, and I applaud you for abstaining since you hit puberty =) You don't find it often these days, but I think it's very cool of you! So embrace it. Don't think so negatively about your situation, it could be 10000000x times worse. I mean, at least your thing works. Some men can't seem to get theirs working properly =)

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UGH! Men giving you advice is just pointless....time for us women folk to give you a little advice. First off, I got the vibe that your lack of sex was religious fueled, am I right?

 

Girl did you lose it to?

You: Oh this girl named Crystal Chandelier..she was an escort in vegas.

Girl: Check please....

 

You come from a gender that doesn't have to pay for sex, it's like a person who is never hungry giving advice to someone who's starving, even though the starving person doesn't have the same means to get the food as the well fed person. Around 10% of men stay virgins their whole life, and a lot more men have very limited experience and only get sex by luck or via escorts.

 

IGlareOften, why do you think you are more well-equipped to give advice in this situation than men? Men and women don't have the same sex drives, nor the same options available to them as far as sexual and romantic partners go.

 

To OP: Look up "True Forced Loneliness".

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Okay - learning from porn is not the way to go. sex in porn is unrealistic. It is not the way things usually are in real life.

 

No self respecting girl will just have sex with you for no reason. And what do you mean "the girls say no". Do they say no to sex, or say no to going out with you?

 

Girls are also not sex objects - sex is more satisfying when it is with someone who you have feelings for and she you.

 

Seriously, I would involve myself with other aspects of life. masturbation may take the edge off, but get involved with stuff your friends are doing or your own interests and you may just meet some girls for dates. Even if you only go out once or twice it will build your social skills. Few girls want to go out with guys that they sense are very desperate.

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No self respecting girl will just have sex with you for no reason. And what do you mean "the girls say no". Do they say no to sex, or say no to going out with you?

 

I have never asked a girl for just sex. I honestly wish I could date a woman but every girl I have asked out has rejected me. Sex is the last thing on my mind but that seems to be at the beginning of peoples. However it does seem like girls do want to be asked out for that alone, then id get there attention that way.

 

Girls are also not sex objects - sex is more satisfying when it is with someone who you have feelings for and she you.

 

Seriously, I would involve myself with other aspects of life. masturbation may take the edge off, but get involved with stuff your friends are doing or your own interests and you may just meet some girls for dates. Even if you only go out once or twice it will build your social skills. Few girls want to go out with guys that they sense are very desperate.

 

Its not like I sit inside all day long, I go out and about with my life and heck there's even an event at my church with 3000+ people from ages 18-33 every friday and through that I have been networked to many little social gatherings.

 

There's plenty of chances and oppertuntys for meeting people I also take a great deal of time into my appearance since losing weight and always try and look clean cut as much as possible. You'd think this is easy but its still difficult, the only thing it has resulted in is me getting more rejections from women.

 

I always get the same excuse "The right one hasn't come along yet or there is a girl out there for you" before I used to believe it and then I started reading through the lines its all a lie so I gave up completely on trying to even ask women out on dates.

 

How I became sexually frustrated is when people I know keep bring up the subject and how many girls they have slept with and its like here I'am trying to do the right thing and these guys are doing the total opposite and they are getting what they want.

 

Its like I wished I was a manwhore sometimes. They seem to have more luck with girls than me. I have no excuse I should have had sometype of sexual experience ages ago.

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  • 1 month later...

"How I became sexually frustrated is when people I know keep bring up the subject and how many girls they have slept with and its like here I'am trying to do the right thing and these guys are doing the total opposite and they are getting what they want.

 

Its like I wished I was a manwhore sometimes. They seem to have more luck with girls than me. I have no excuse I should have had sometype of sexual experience ages ago."

 

This is very true. I don't wish to sound like a doomsday prophet, but MOST women are not decent or nice people. Yes, you're gonna find a few decent ones on these forums, even in real life, but chances are, they'll either be taken or there not sexually interested in you anyway.

 

I've heard this crap before about how Women really want 'nice' men who care and are compassionate and so on....

A quick observation of young people in clubs, bars etc will tell you Women are not interested in nice men at all. Certainly in their youth, they are interested in tall, sexy good looking, loud extrovert, penis brain men. I and I'm sure you do too, see this all the time. I see and meet decent men who are single all the time too. Saving your virginity is NOT a good idea. You have one life and it goes very quick, especially when you reach 20. By the time you've saved your virginity for your soon-to-be wife, chances are, she will have slept with lot's of men. Maybe 5 - maybe 25. Maybe more. So I again I beg the question: why save your virginity for the modern day female when the modern day female won't even appreciate your gesture by returning it? Do you see or know many young female virgins in their 20s and 30s - just saving it all for her future husband? lol. No.

Do whatever you have to do - escort, pro, whatever, just do it. IT will make you feel more confident because you will have been inside a woman. It doesn't matter that it was an emotionless event. Women have plenty of sex with plenty of assholes and despite the so-called regrets, many of them carry on doing it with the same types of men! They are less sensitive than us!

You need to overcome this barrier by any means necessary and once it's over, you'll feel great. From then on you need to hit on women constantly. Don't ever emotionally attach yourself to one woman in particular, attach yourself to all of them, the bigger the catch the more chance you'll have. Don't be decent with them or kind or cool, be yourself - a man! Chat them up, ask them out, hell, even ask them for sex every now and again. It's all about confidence - because believe me, their is no point in caring about women, when most western women don't give two * * * * s about men.

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I just have to say that the above post about women being not nice people can be entirely reversed - just replace every female noun with a male and viola.

 

If you feel like your v-card is such a crutch to your life, to your living, then do the deed to get it over with. To be honest, I've done it too because I was tired of being a virgin for what many considered a long time, because I've realized that my chances of meeting a virgin male by the time I get married (perhaps late 20s) would be a rare thing indeed. And the older you get, the more of a commodity it is, so that man would have to be close to perfect to be the first to sleep with me. I figured the weight placed on virginity is foolish indeed.

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  • 2 years later...

Well, I don't know if the OP managed to get laid or not, but I figure I should share my story.

 

 

I too am a virgin male at age 20. It wouldn't be so bad if you feel like you're not ready for sex, as some of my female peers do, but I do not share this logic. I feel like I have been ready for about as long as my best friend, who lost his virginity years ago. I have a girlfriend, who is in a long distance relationship, and will be moving to live with me next year. So naturally sex will come with that; she's not a virgin and she's definitely not going to want to wait. However, what am I supposed to do? I feel like I have inferior DNA or something. I'll actually be living on my own, going to school on my own money, before I've had sex. The pressure on you as a man is absolutely enormous. I definitely know this feel; it's awful. Right now, I'm living in residence at university. Right now in fact, I'm listening to some guy pound the **** out of a chick next door. And I feel like I'm less than them. Like a child or something, but ready to grow up. It's a feeling of not being privy to the whole of the human experience, and it is the single ****tiest feeling in the entire world. I have no advice for you, since I am indeed in the same boat as you, but unlike everyone in this thread so far, I know EXACTLY how you feel and I can tell you that your best friend is the art of distraction. Music, personal goals, studies, work, whatever you have. Distract yourself. And don't discredit yourself. You're human. It's normal to have sexual urges, and beyond that, you're not less for not having lost your virginity, despite what you may think.

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Are you here because you can't get laid too? Because that logic is exactly why you can't get laid. In my many dealings with female friends, I've noticed that like men, women can actually vary in their ideas regarding sex, funnily enough! It's almost like they have personalities! Women don't all feel about sex the same way and none of them have some kind of special needs regarding sex or relationships that is a common denominator within the entire population of females. Thinking they are "different" is ridiculous. For every woman who feels iffy about sex, there is a man who feels iffy about sex. People just don't complain about him, because women aren't so concerned enough to ***** when they can't get laid with him. Men, however, feel perfectly obligated to treat a woman like a machine; you put kindness in and sex comes out. Right. The only difference between men and women is a slight change of hormone concentrations in their bloodstream and the reproductive organs to match them. And that is the ONLY difference.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am female age 26 and no sex life either. It is important to become confident and secure first. When you experience ethereal with yourself, you are then capable of giving that and not just getting shallow or false sense of love. You will have it for you and not risk stds or a kid with the wrong person. Great self discipline, many people feed into their desire body and play fools. They have sex and mistake others emotions for their own because they do not understand themselves yet. Your fine and in a good spot in life.

 

What you worth and respect unto you is what you can give and get in return.

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I'm currently in the same situation, I kind of what to lose my v-card. But then again I'm afraid of STDs, pregnancy (theres always a chance that it may happen), and the feeling that "it may not be the right thing". I mean I hear some guys experiences where they stay a virgin until they get married, which to me motives me to do the same thing. Yet there are people all around me non stop talking about sex. I don't really know which way to go, but nonetheless I know if I do want to lose my virginity I should be smart about it. You sound like you have a bright future ahead of you do not don't mess up by getting some lady pregnant (unplanned in which case inviting yourself into "baby momma drama" plus child support, etc.) or contracting some sort of STD. Whatever your decision may be, be smart about it. Also PORN is far from reality, in some cases the pornstars take pills to get a "better edge".

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