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Girlfriend sexted a guy she knew from a dating site: Was it cheating?


Depressed

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My girlfriend of 7 months who is 8yrs older than me have split up because I caught her Whatsapping a guy who she met on a dating website (where we met each other) recently and what turned from friendly chat, became sexting.

 

It turns out she has saved his number all this time (why I don't know) as she says she is just 'friends' with him. I'd noticed his name in her phone months ago when she asked me to check her doctors surgery number and I asked who he was and she said that it was someone she )used to go to school with (which is a blatant lie!)

 

She texted him first last week asking how he was and he replied saying fine etc which seemed innocent at first. Then he said that he had always wanted her and wanted to 'f*ck her so much'. She replied do you actually and how much do you want me?

 

He knew she was with me because of her Whatsapp profile photo of the two of us.

 

This sort of talk went on for a bit until he said 'do you want me?' and she replied 'just sex?' He said yeah, then she said to him 'can't rush it just now' and then he said so when are we gonna do it and she said 'not straight away.'

 

I only unlocked her phone because I had a feeling/suspician that she was texting someone behind my back due to her Whatsapp last seen times changing very frequently (when she hardly used it prior to this other than to text me.)

 

If I hadn't had unlocked her phone (which I know was wrong) then I don't think she would ever have told me that she was texting this guy. I caught her and she kept saying that I have crossed a line by doing this......a bit hypocritical since she first engaged in flirty/sexual texting and essentially emotionally cheated on me behind my back!

 

She has said that I have betrayed her trust, which yes I have, but she in turn has done the same to me because she betrayed me first.

 

I told her we are done and she didn't seem too bothered actually.

 

Yes, things haven't been great between us, but we have got past rocky patches in the relationship.

 

Do you think I am wrong to have looked at her phone or was she wrong to have an emotional affair behind my back?

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You’re both wrong, but she’s more wrong.

 

Regardless, the relationship is clearly over (as it should be), so best to focus your energy on moving on.

 

I won't tolerate someone cheating on me, so that is the reason I decided to give her the boot.

 

I'm still hurt and in shock aside from that.

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Indea put it succinctly. Personally, I'm firmly against snooping. Once you've gotten to that point, the trust is gone anyway. And even in the best of cases, you've set for yourself a bad precedent that your emotional security rides on that invasion and verification.

 

But people are people and they'll what they'll do. What I have said is that if you're gonna snoop, you'd better hope any sin you discover is worse than the one you're committing. Turns out you gambled and "won." She was in no position turning it around on you with all that egg on her face.

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What I have said is that if you're gonna snoop, you'd better hope any sin you discover is worse than the one you're committing. Turns out you gambled and "won." She was in no position turning it around on you with all that egg on her face.

 

Exactly, I believe that this is a classic cheater move by deflecting the blame onto the victim.

 

I didn't hold myself accountable for her actions (cheating is an action not just a choice) and she knew what she was doing and that is was wrong but still chose to go ahead.

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To answer your q OP: If it feels like cheating to you, it's cheating.

 

This relationship is over.

 

You're snooping, she's trapping thirst. Y'all have about five minutes of history in the scheme of things—much of it, according to you, "not great"—so what's the point of trying to smooth another rough patch?

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To answer your q OP: If it feels like cheating to you, it's cheating.

 

This relationship is over.

 

You're snooping, she's trapping thirst. Y'all have about five minutes of history in the scheme of things—much of it, according to you, "not great"—so what's the point of trying to smooth another rough patch?

 

That is exactly what I now see it as and what it felt like so I had to do what I had to do for my own welfare.

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That is exactly what I now see it as and what it felt like so I had to do what I had to do for my own welfare.

 

Good move and bravo. I know it's hard, and I'm sorry for the pain.

 

But you know your needs, your worth, and acted accordingly. That's the primo stuff, there, and it will be what guides you to a better match.

 

Don't let this get you down. It's not about you—her shyt, simple as that.

 

Just like you don't want to be with someone sending messages like this, I doubt you want to be someone who is snooping through phones in your mid 30s, so take all this as a hard push to clearer pastures.

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Good move and bravo. I know it's hard, and I'm sorry for the pain.

 

But you know your needs, your worth, and acted accordingly. That's the primo stuff, there, and it will be what guides you to a better match.

 

Don't let this get you down. It's not about you—her shyt, simple as that.

 

Just like you don't want to be with someone sending messages like this, I doubt you want to be someone who is snooping through phones in your mid 30s, so take all this as a hard push to clearer pastures.

 

It is hard and this is the first time that I've ever been cheated on. Obviously it's not nice and totally hurtful and disrespectful.

 

By me responding to her the way that I did, then that will tell her that I won't be treated like this and that I'm not a doormat - bit late but she'll understand (well should.)

 

You're right, this is about her messing up and I know I am entirely innocent as I have never cheated and never will. Ok, snooping on her phone - but it was justified as I had genuine reason for suspicion.

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It was emotional cheating and a deal-breaker of the "don't walk, run" variety. You did the right thing. No use in wasting any mental energy over her. Just be thankful that you didn't waste any more of your precious time on this worthless individual.

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It is hard and this is the first time that I've ever been cheated on. Obviously it's not nice and totally hurtful and disrespectful.

 

By me responding to her the way that I did, then that will tell her that I won't be treated like this and that I'm not a doormat - bit late but she'll understand (well should.)

 

You're right, this is about her messing up and I know I am entirely innocent as I have never cheated and never will. Ok, snooping on her phone - but it was justified as I had genuine reason for suspicion.

 

I don't want to challenge you too much while you're hurting, especially as you're making the right and hard choice, but, for your own progress, I wouldn't justify the snooping. Like, just like you don't want to keep dating That Woman you don't want to be That Guy.

 

You'll be suspicious about a partner again—it happens. Don't let this make you a snooper.

 

I have a hard rule against snooping—it's one of my (admittedly few) hard dealbreakers. I have never done it, never will, because it just represents so many things that I never want to be.

 

I've been cheated on too. It really sucks. But also? It happens. Don't let a sucky thing happening to you pave the way for allowing you to be sucky. There's no power or glory there.

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From what you said, she didnt sext him. "she said to him 'can't rush it just now' and then he said so when are we gonna do it and she said 'not straight away."

Thats a nice decline.

She texted an old boyfriend. Its not nice, but not the end of the world.

Sounds like its over anyway... so time to let it go and move on.

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Of course she will tell you that you are wrong because you looked at her phone, because she did not exlect to get caught and you DID catch her. It IS cheating... you just caught her in the early stage. If this did not happen now she would've kept texting this guy until she got comfortable enough to procede to the next stage and actually meet up in person. I believe that people who do not cheat do not engage in sexual conversations like the one your gf had while they are in a relationship with someone.

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I think she was far more wrong.

 

I see it this way, we are the only ones who can keep ourselves safe when it comes to being cheated on. If they are going to lie and carry on than what other choice do you have then to look at their phone?

 

She's a snake, not only did she keep this guy around, she was sexting with him and the lied to you as to whom he was.

You did right in dumping her.

She has very little honesty and didn't love you if this is how she behaves with other men.

 

Let her go be someone else's problem.

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He wasn't an old bf, prob was someone she's never met before. Also, not shutting down someone when they are saying they wanna eff you and entertaining it is wrong.

 

Pretty basic common sense clearly.

 

Yes. No way of turning it around. A decline would've been deleting and blocking at first signs of flirting (since they're not even friends) or a firm "this is inappropriate, I have a boyfriend. Stop. Bye"

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You did nothing wrong by snooping. If anyone here was in the same situation, they would have done it also.

 

Cheaters don't deserve any respect for their privacy as they have betrayed the core foundation that relationships are built on.

 

I lived with a serial cheater for 20 years and with her last (exit) affair I hired a private detective, hacked her email, recorded her phone conversions, told an elaborate lie to her mobile phone company to get her call logs, took her phone while she was sleeping to gather evidence and even followed her discretely when she was going for a secret hook up.... I don't regret anything I did and would do it again if faced with another cheater.

 

The evidence I gathered contributed to getting full custody of my children, keeping our family home and getting a far group greater percentage from our divorce settlement.

 

When it comes to cheaters, you need to be smart, cunning and do whatever it takes to protect yourself, or they will walk all over you.

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