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My bf write songs about his ex that he loved very much!


anne86

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last year my bf started to write a song of How i make him feel, a lot of desire, and he was very entusiastic about the lyrics! But in the middle of nowhere he started writing a new song, a song about ”How he was Missing her so bad, he was loosing sleep, all he wished for was to hold her Soo tight, all the night, and were asking the stars if she was thinking of him too! (They were in a distance relationship, she left him five years ago and he was devistated, he rock bottom.) Month before he wrote this song he sent her birthday wishes on mail. She wrote him once in a while but the year of 2017 she didnt and he wondered why. He sent her emails wondering what happend with her. So, i dont think he got over her. Why write such a sad song when you are supposed to be ”Happy” in your new relationship? He Said that this song wasnt about her, and that he got inspired by an another song like this one... but he denies everything.., so i cant really get a mature answer from him. About 6 months ago, weve had a conversation about his ex of 10 years ago... she also left him for an another man and he was devistated. I told him that she still loves him ( she does), and he went on her fb and liked a qoute. Then he wrote a song: ” i know i didnt treat you right back then, but now Im older, Ive learned from my mistakes, and i thought weve had lost it all but when i look in to your eyes i see that its not over. Give me a chance to show you Im a better man now, i wont let you down, lets overcome the distance that divided us, do you believe in second chances? Can we reunite?”......these two women was his greatest love. The last one most. How am i suppose to look at this?

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These lyrics would make me very uncomfortable and I would feel like my S/O's focus isn't on me and the here and now, but instead on others in the past where I don't exist in their life. These types of BU songs would generally be written while the person is still healing and single, not when they have someone to love right in front of them

 

I don't like it. How does it make you feel, OP?

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I'm with Carus here—or at least until I hear more about this relationship.

 

I'm not a musician, but I do work in a creative field that often has me making material from my past, including past loves. Doesn't mean I'm hung up on them or still in love or stuck in the past at the expense of my present.

 

A lot of what I create could be considered "sad" or "brooding," but in my day to day I'm pretty upbeat—in no small part because I can purge those thoughts and feelings creatively and—bonus!—pay my rent and take my gf to dinner with the paychecks. I've certainly written my share of sad songs—or my version—while very happy in a relationship. Working on something like that now, in fact, which will take me another year to finish. My gf knows this has nothing to do with her, but something I do, for me. Helps that she has her own version, of course.

 

Anyhow, I guess my question is: Are these songs really the issue, or have you had the feeling for a bit that he's not present with you, not as into things as you are, still hung up on the past, whatever?

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Well we do have a serious problem, im 42 and he is 39, i have 3 children and he has none, i cant have more children, he wants children, thats MY issue. But, he never want to talk about the future, he says he loves me, and gets really torn down when I try to leave him. He wants my love, because its the first time in his life he feels that someone loves him for real and No matter What. But, he NEVER does anything for me, like birthday gifts, suprises, never does anything for me that he didnt do to someone else. We’ve Been together for over two years. He resently Said that he has never given a woman 100%, just 60%... niether does he give me more. And also resently he Said that he is regretting that he didnt marry the ex ( the One 10 years ago). He doesnt wants to commit because of the issue about the children, but doesnt want to let me go.... he always says he loves me, he does love me. But not in a way that makes me feel wanted, special, nr 1. He loves me because of everything i do for him. The last ex left him, also for an another man, but he loved her so much that he still stayed in touch with her through all years. Until now he finds it hard to talk about her. Once i asked him How much he loved me on a scale 1-10, he Said 9 because you cant love someone 10. But once he talked about her and Said he loved her 10! He didnt Said that to hurt me but it slipped out of his mouth.

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It makes me feel very sad.. because i feel like i have to beg for his love all the time. I feel like Im not THE One! But when i ask he says that Im crazy... that its just lyrics for a song. So now i have written a song about an ex that i loved very deeply, and he knows about it, and you cant miss it in the text ( i write lyrics to songs), and going to give him that and se if he Will react! If he wont then maybe it is the way as he says, that it just lyrics, but if he DO react.... and get hurt about the lyrics... would that be an answer to my question that he do express himself throug lyrics? What do you all tkink?

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It sounds like you two are very incompatible on many levels and he doesn't see a future with you. It may be best to leave this day-dreamer who is so busy living in the past that he can't meet your relationship needs. Reflect on yourself and your children and what you want for yourself and them .

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Carus, well.... he didnt have an option, the ex left him... Im more than 1000% that if HE had an option then he would choose her. Our story is a little complicated, he never ever would have imagine beeing in such a relationship, he was looking for women in the ages of 18-25... No children etc... but he got in love with me because of How much i gave him... its not a choice... he havent yet decided if he wants to commit himself with me..Im still waiting....he wants me by his side until he knows if he wants to be with me...

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The issue here sounds much, much bigger than song lyrics.

 

It sounds like you've doubted his feelings for you from the beginning, but for some reason you've continued to invest where other people would move on. That's been your choice, and I think you could stand to do some real thinking about why you're making it.

 

Are you so scared of being alone that you're willing to accept a man who says he only has 60 percent of himself to give to a relationship? Do you get off on the idea that maybe, just maybe, you can be the one to crack the code? Do you find damage and emotional unavailability sexy? Did something happen to you where you think this all you deserve? That you don't think your worthy of a quality man?

 

Questions worth asking, since what you're describing here is hardly a relationship but a game. I mean, you're 42 and you're about to write a song to see if you can upset him? You're asking him to measure his love for you on a 1-10 scale? This is the stuff for a middle school recess, not a connection between adults. And just like kids in middle school, the result is always the same: more pain, more agony, more confusion, more insecurity.

 

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I think you need to open your eyes and accept that this has never been the sort of relationship you want. Dude sounds lost and lame, plain and simple. In you he has found someone who enables those qualities, who rewards them by putting up with them.

 

Meanwhile, he wants kids—some day. Being a man, that day could be six months from now or 10 years. Regardless, it's not going to be with you, so you already know this has a built in expiration date. What's up with that? Wouldn't you like to be with someone you can envision a future with?

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This sounds awful. You are a filler and he is not in love with you, but likes whar you do for him. You will never be fulfilled Stop listening to what he says, and start following his actions.

 

What attracts you to all of this drama? Do you always choose projects?

 

Lose this bozo.

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Carus, well.... he didnt have an option, the ex left him... Im more than 1000% that if HE had an option then he would choose her. Our story is a little complicated, he never ever would have imagine beeing in such a relationship, he was looking for women in the ages of 18-25... No children etc... but he got in love with me because of How much i gave him... its not a choice... he havent yet decided if he wants to commit himself with me..Im still waiting....he wants me by his side until he knows if he wants to be with me...

"Im more than 1000% that if HE had an option then he would choose her." And, you stick around. This is unbelievable!

 

You are waiting for him to decide if he wants to be with you after two years, as he still pines for his ex. What the heck! Where is your self esteem! You are also not thinking about how this affects your kids. You should be with someone who actually loves you and knows that that want to be with you. It is sad that you treat yourself in this manner!

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Bluecastle, youre right! It is a level of teenagers, but its the only level you can talk to him. A little background about him: for aprx 14 years ago the family went through a tragedy ( he lost his only younger sister , 21 years, in a car accident)! Since that time the family went totally down. Two years after he decided to find a woman and settle down. Girl after girl.. left him... all for the same reason: they never felt he really loved them. The two latest women also married another man while beeing in exactly same relationship as we are now! After the last woman he gave up on life totally. From beeing a millionare to not having enough money to pay the rent. From beeing a Well known musican to not get isolated. He lost dreams. He lost hope. He Lost him self. He was extremly depressed, and he stil is, but a little bit better on. As if that wouldnt be enough, his mother is a serious narcissist, and has a totally controll over him. He cant even have sex like he wants, cause she finds out everything and bombs him! He cant marry who he wants, she decides for him. Since i came into his life much has changed to his better, i have helped him emotionally, mentally, financially..... of course his mother Said that if he marries me she Will commit suicide. So, he went to his parents place, broke their furnitures, called them names he never Said before to anyone and told his mother; i dont want to know you, youre not my mother, and if you die, then die! And left. That was about 6-7 months ago. He is still in No contact with her. He tells me always that he loves me, he says Im his life and his soul. He spend all days with me. And ofcourse he did a few songs about me/us too.,,, but that is all he ever did to/for me. When I try to leave him he litterary breaks down... cries for days... doesnt sleep... he is really devistated. He beg me not to leave him. He cant bear the thought of not having me. Once he cried like a little boy and asked God why he is the way he is! Whats Wrong with him! He knows that something is Wrong,! But dont know what it is. He is also autistic.

 

Well, me..... Whats my problem? Since Ive Been 4 years old i was the One who was to

Fix everything and Take care of everything! And yes! I raised up 3 grown up children by my self, run my own business, looking after the rest of my family, there is always me! And ofcourse Im proud about my self managing all that..... but what i understand of it is that i fall in love with men who needs to be fixed, a project....and that is why Im still with him.... cause I rather break my own heart just to Keep his safe❤️

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