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When an ex says "I Miss You"


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It's not a reason to jump for joy, "I miss you" doesn't mean "I'm in love with you." It's not always an indication that they want to reconcile. Putting this out there for those that get their hopes up - sometimes "I Miss You" is because they are bored, lonely or want an ego boost.

 

Don't want to sound discouraging but I want to be supportive to everyone that is cheering me on as well - we have to be careful with the whole "I Miss You" or "I still Love You."

 

I fight myself from saying "And?" because I don't want to be disappointed if he follows up with "just needed to tell you that." or hearing "I miss our friendship" I don't indulge it or take the bait.

 

Be strong people - it should take more than someone missing us to get our attention. Missing you was a choice they made and whatever it is that they miss about you - that wasn't enough to stay in a relationship with you.

 

Looking for meaningful contact.. "I Miss You and I thought about it this - I want to work this out if you'll give it another chance." Don't stress yourself out analyzing what does "I Miss You" mean?

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NEVER EVER take what someone says in an email, facebook or text message as truth, unless you are in a fully fledged relationship.

 

One of the reasons for relationships, is to find out if you can trust each other. If they CALL you with their voice - then you can take what they say usually as truth. Even better, if they say something in front of you, to you - they have to prove to you it is truth.

 

That is my advice for the day.

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Ughhhhhhhhh!

 

GUYS! Just because this forum preaches NC or your ex begging for you back / immediately saying they screwed up and want to fix things, it does not mean its the only way to reconcile!

 

Some people just are not the type to pour their feelings or thoughts out. This forum is so like... extrovert? Feeling? Focused. I got back together with my boyfriend after a painful break, and guess what? I didn't hold out for him to come begging for me back. No way.

 

It came with time, but what he needed was for us to be friendly and kind to one another again first. Sometimes I miss you is a HUGE offering on their part! I'm tired of reading about how "I miss you" is not good enough. Its true that some people use that line to string dumpees along, but sometimes the dumper genuinely knows they messed up but doesn't know how to go about fixing things, or is unsure themselves about what to do/think/feel.

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Do not apply your situation to everyone else. An "I miss you" from an ex that wronged you from lies, deceit, lack of respect, left for another, anything and everything wrong...then I will take it as a grain of salt. Especially if has been after short period of time...let's say within 3-6 months.

 

If the ex just simply broke it off for the sake of ambivalence and not wanting to string you along while he/she was having mixed feelings, I would be more keen into opening back up to such form of communication.

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--- snip---- sometimes the dumper genuinely knows they messed up but doesn't know how to go about fixing things, or is unsure themselves about what to do/think/feel.

 

Take a pill.

 

If someone is unsure about themselves or about what they think or feel, that is the reason - not to conclude that missing you means they want to reconcile. After listening for 3 F&&*() months that he was confused and it was hard to think clearly - the last thing I want to hear is that he misses me (but still doesn't know how he feels about us).

 

Never did I say it's not good enough, I said "I miss you" doesn't mean "I am in love with you" and quite frankly - I've had my emotions tugged on a leash with the push and pull one time too many, to pause that someone misses me but is still uncertain.

 

 

FWIW - I'm glad you had a chance to reconcile - but your reasons and your ex's reasons are not my reasons or my ex's reasons - so I think it narrow to project the dynamics of your reconciliation as the norm. Again - my ex has done this uncertain dance for way too long and saying he misses me now - isn't enough if he's not certain about me.

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Do not apply your situation to everyone else. An "I miss you" from an ex that wronged you from lies, deceit, lack of respect, left for another, anything and everything wrong...then I will take it as a grain of salt. Especially if has been after short period of time...let's say within 3-6 months.

 

If the ex just simply broke it off for the sake of ambivalence and not wanting to string you along while he/she was having mixed feelings, I would be more keen into opening back up to such form of communication.

 

I can relate to that, after my ex telling me he misses me and wants me back (after just a month from breaking up) we get back together, then after a month guess what? He breaks up with me AGAIN! As if the pain was not enough to go through once, I have to go over it over and over again, once they breakup with you that says ALOT about the relationship, they weren't sure about you so what would make them suddenly sure? They are bound to miss you because you had a close relationship together, but it does not in any way mean that they still love you

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---snip --- I got back together with my boyfriend after a painful break, and guess what? I didn't hold out for him to come begging for me back. No way.

 

It came with time, but what he needed was for us to be friendly and kind to one another again first. Sometimes I miss you is a HUGE offering on their part! I'm tired of reading about how "I miss you" is not good enough. Its true that some people use that line to string dumpees along, but sometimes the dumper genuinely knows they messed up but doesn't know how to go about fixing things, or is unsure themselves about what to do/think/feel.

 

One more thing - when he said he missed me - I made it clear that I missed him as well, but wasn't interested in talking about it - unless he was prepared to spend time with me for that to mean something. That's not me asking him to beg - so I don't appreciate your superficial analysis.

 

That's me asking him to be resolved and sincere with his sentiments and if this thread is driving you nuts - you can always find another one to grouse about.

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i agree witht he op. when my ex and i broke up after a month i told her i couldnt be in her life for some time she cried and told me that she missed me. thats a way for them to get over u because if they feel they have u by there side forever they feel like they can date some one else in the meantime and have u there just incase

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Everyone is different though. Lucasky is right too, as well as all of you. Their personality plays a huge role. It's still best for the dumpee to play it safe and guard their heart but honestly, everyone is different.

 

I got a phone call from mine when it was too late, but he still wanted me back for months.. did it in his own way, you dont always get those 'magic words'

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most of the times u dont get the magic words. its better not to think about it because u can be hurt at the end if u wait. some one told me to give wait for her a month i decided not to. man was i hapy if iw aited for her this would of been month one for me

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Everyone is different though. Lucasky is right too, as well as all of you. Their personality plays a huge role. It's still best for the dumpee to play it safe and guard their heart but honestly, everyone is different.

 

I got a phone call from mine when it was too late, but he still wanted me back for months.. did it in his own way, you dont always get those 'magic words'

 

I agree, but dumpers have to consider who's heart they hurt in the first place and need to stop being so selfish with such a text. They MISS US, therefore they are contacting us because they are selfishly fishing for something whether it be an ego boost, a genuine reply, a chance at reconciliation, or a chance at friendship.

 

They were selfish upon breaking up with us for whatever reason, and they are being selfish in trying to get contact from us for whatever reasons. They need to prove it more than a simple cheesy I miss you. You miss what...me? me shlong? my smile? the way I hold you? what is it that you miss...

 

This is me, I know it sounds bitter, but it's not. Just a realistic view at the situation and intent.

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I acknowledged that sometimes dumpees do use it to string it along! But for others it is an honest attempt at reaching out. Sorry for sounding really rant-ish. I'm just tired of seeing only one side of things (even if in your situation, "I miss you" really is not good enough).

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I agree, but dumpers have to consider who's heart they hurt in the first place and need to stop being so selfish with such a text. They MISS US, therefore they are contacting us because they are selfishly fishing for something whether it be an ego boost, a genuine reply, a chance at reconciliation, or a chance at friendship.

 

They were selfish upon breaking up with us for whatever reason, and they are being selfish in trying to get contact from us for whatever reasons. They need to prove it more than a simple cheesy I miss you. You miss what...me? me shlong? my smile? the way I hold you? what is it that you miss...

 

This is me, I know it sounds bitter, but it's not. Just a realistic view at the situation and intent.

 

That's the head of the nail - I was saying - that you need more than JUST "I Miss You" to know they want to reconcile.

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I acknowledged that sometimes dumpees do use it to string it along! But for others it is an honest attempt at reaching out. Sorry for sounding really rant-ish. I'm just tired of seeing only one side of things (even if in your situation, "I miss you" really is not good enough).

 

well sometimes they do it to reach out but we cant take it to heart or else we would stay there just wondering what they really mean

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well sometimes they do it to reach out but we cant take it to heart or else we would stay there just wondering what they really mean

 

Absolutely. I am not saying that one way is right over the other. My post was mainly put our there because I know lots of people read these threads, and its important that they see both sides of things.

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I acknowledged that sometimes dumpees do use it to string it along! But for others it is an honest attempt at reaching out. Sorry for sounding really rant-ish. I'm just tired of seeing only one side of things (even if in your situation, "I miss you" really is not good enough).

 

I appreciate your clarification - but I'm not saying that it isn't "good enough" - those were YOUR words.

 

I've READ MANY MANY posts on here - when a dumpee gets "I miss you" from the dumper and they are elated and then they torture themselves because there is no follow-through, "what does it mean?" So my point is to be careful - "I miss you" doesn't ALWAYS mean they want to reconcile. There could be other reasons - like my ex, who misses me, but made it clear for months he was uncertain.

 

And again - I'm glad you used what works for you, however I want to be clear - my thread was reminding people not assume what "I miss you" means - it doesn't always mean they want to reconcile - NEVER did I direct anyone to "ignore it" or "ask them to beg" those were your words and your one-sided conclusion - likely you scanned through my post and lumped it in with other threads (i.e. "you're tired of reading etc..")

 

Think this thread derailed from it's original intent. Moving on.

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Looking for meaningful contact..

 

Sometimes I miss you is meaningful to the person saying it. That's where I drew my conclusion that you were saying it wasn't enough. But, point taken. I think both our responses were bias to one side.

 

This is still keeping on the topic too! Not a hijacking at all.

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Absolutely. I am not saying that one way is right over the other. My post was mainly put our there because I know lots of people read these threads, and its important that they see both sides of things.

 

honestly i agree with you life isnt bad like every one here makes it seem but we cant think about how great our exes are all the time or we will never get over them. we need to look at the bad and why things did not work out

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i understand the harsh reception to your post lucasky...but it's nice to hear a different perspective. kudos to you.

 

what i get from this especially...is that there's never any way to know what the other person is feeling. you can't know that. you can assume to your heart's content. you can rationalize. you can analyze. you can speculate about what any action means...but you'll never know. and that's fine. that's the nature of things. we never know this. we only trust in our own perception. and...with a broken relationship...that trust has been impaired. and so long as your trust in that remains impaired...you will not move forward. it's just not possible. this is why it's often suggested to just cut your losses and move on. it's so much easier to build that trust with someone who you haven't formed a predisposition of mistrust with. you know?

 

i think breakups are pretty natural. moving on is natural. sometimes getting back together is natural...but maybe it's not the norm. in any event...glad it worked out for you, lucasky. and it goes to show...there isn't any one solution.

 

 

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WHen a relationship is broken, it's broken!

 

I dont believe that. Might not be an easy mend, but it can be a beautiful thing once root of the problem is aired out and two people work on the problem together

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