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He keeps disappearing

TanishaHart

By TanishaHart
in Relationship Advice

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TanishaHart Rookie

TanishaHart

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Good day people. I’m 36 So I’ve been seeing an older seperated guy (50)for almost a year . Lately his disappearing acts have become annoying . For instance, he came over on Tuesday and stayed the night. The next morning he said he’d come back over after the movies with his daughter. HE NEVER DID. No call no response to my texts NOTHING.. Following day he was leaving for NJ and I was to fly the following day to accompany him..) STILL NO CALL NO RESPONSE NOTHING. It has now been 5 days 😩. He’s a decent respectful guy that doesn’t cheat BUT should I think now?

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Hollyj Grand Master

Hollyj

Posted
Posted
Good day people. I’m 36 So I’ve been seeing an older seperated guy (50)for almost a year . Lately his disappearing acts have become annoying . For instance, he came over on Tuesday and stayed the night. The next morning he said he’d come back over after the movies with his daughter. HE NEVER DID. No call no response to my texts NOTHING.. Following day he was leaving for NJ and I was to fly the following day to accompany him..) STILL NO CALL NO RESPONSE NOTHING. It has now been 5 days 😩. He’s a decent respectful guy that doesn’t cheat BUT should I think now?

 

He is NOT a respectful guy! Why do you put up with this garbage? After the second incident, I would have been done.

 

He does not respect or value you. You are a booty call. Expect more for yourself.

 

I missed that he is still married. Ugh. He is too old for you, too!

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maew Veteran

maew

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It isn't respectful of him to leave you hanging for days at a time, nor is it respectful of him to flake on you without any sort of communication or update.

 

I'm with reinvent personally.... no explanation necessary from his side, this kind of behavior is a deal breaker for me no matter what the excuse is.

 

It isn't that hard to either follow through on the commitment or to communicate with the person letting them know what's going on.

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Hollyj Grand Master

Hollyj

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Posted
He is still married

He keeps pulling dissappearing acts

Therefore, he is not respectful nor decent

Plus, he is 14 years older than you which is old

At 50 he should know better

But then again, at 36 so should you.

 

When one lacks self esteem, this is what they tolerate.

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MissCanuck Grand Master

MissCanuck

Posted
Posted
Good day people. I’m 36 So I’ve been seeing an older seperated guy (50)for almost a year . Lately his disappearing acts have become annoying . For instance, he came over on Tuesday and stayed the night. The next morning he said he’d come back over after the movies with his daughter. HE NEVER DID. No call no response to my texts NOTHING.. Following day he was leaving for NJ and I was to fly the following day to accompany him..) STILL NO CALL NO RESPONSE NOTHING. It has now been 5 days 😩. He’s a decent respectful guy that doesn’t cheat BUT should I think now?

 

No, he's really not.

 

Is he still living with his wife?

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TanishaHart Rookie

TanishaHart

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Your right. But I’m so into him. At the beginning he told me he doesn’t want a girlfriend ( that was a yr ago) I respected that and never pressured him, making myself available to him all the time. We always meet at hotel room.. Fast forward Embarrassingly enough This (disappearances)has happened over several times 😞

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TanishaHart Rookie

TanishaHart

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Yes. I am aware.. I like spending time with him even though it’s usually only in the bedroom. He’s taken me on trips and it’s always a pleasure but that’s where it ends.Him and his wife have been separated for 2 1/2 years and they don’t live together. They have a 23-year-old daughter and a 15-year-old son. At the beginning he Made it clear that he doesnt want a girlfriend. He also said that him and his wife are waiting to get a divorce until the son finishes high school. He just started his freshman year

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TanishaHart Rookie

TanishaHart

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Him and his wife have been separated for 2 1/2 years and haven’t lived together in two years. They have a 23-year-old daughter and a 15-year-old son. Reason why they haven’t divorced yet he says is they are waiting until his son finishes high school. Because it’ll be financially beneficial for the both of them he says.

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TanishaHart Rookie

TanishaHart

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Your right . Besides this he such a good guy and we never had an argument. When we’re together It seems like all my problems go away .. idk I do honestly think that he Keeps doing this because I never gave him any About it. But this is the first time he actually Ditched me before a trip We were supposed to go on. I know he definitely went on the trip. He’s an avid poker player so hes into the tournaments

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TanishaHart Rookie

TanishaHart

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Yes him and his wife have been separated for 2 1/2 years and not live together for two years. They have a 23-year-old daughter and a 15-year-old son whom they’re waiting to Finish high school to get a divorce he says. He says it’s financially beneficial to the both of them

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Gary Snyder Mentor

Gary Snyder

Posted
Posted
Your right. But I’m so into him. At the beginning he told me he doesn’t want a girlfriend ( that was a yr ago) I respected that and never pressured him, making myself available to him all the time. We always meet at hotel room.. Fast forward Embarrassingly enough This (disappearances)has happened over several times 😞

 

Okay, so he is separated and living apart from his wife. But he told you in the beginning that he was not ready for a relationship. This is because he's on the rebound, not healed yet from the breakup from his wife and not ready to love again. And you are the rebound girl, sorry.

 

I hate to tell you this, but you are already being rejected when he disrespects you by not doing what he says, and this disrespectful behavior will likely continue as long as you decide to stay with him and let him play you. What's worse, he will eventually find another woman and drop you, or just plain drop you.

 

To have a happy relationship, you need to be respected by your man.

 

You need to drop this guy. If you can't do that, date other guys and try to find a replacement, a healthy guy ready for love, who won;t drag your heart through the gutter.

 

Don't ever play with a married man.

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katrina1980 Grand Master

katrina1980

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I do honestly think that he Keeps doing this because I never gave him any **** About it.

 

Tanisha, please learn about men and how they fall in love.

 

He'd probably have more respect for you if you did give him crap about it. It's the exact opposite of what you're thinking!

 

By crap I mean asserting your boundaries and not tolerating his bull shyt.

 

You do this quietly, without drama.

 

As it stands now, he sees you as not respecting yourself, always being available, meeting him for sex in hotel rooms, accepting such poor treatment.

 

How in the world would you ever expect him to respect you and/or develop feelings for you when you don't respect yourself?

 

You may be able to flip this around, BUT you need to start asserting some strong boundaries, do not make yourself available to him whenever he's horny and wants booty (ugh!!), think more highly of yourself, raise your standards. Pull back. Let him wonder about whether or not you like him!!

 

In general I think you should have that attitude, men will respect your more, and will draw them to you, want a relationship with you if they think you're a good fit.

 

I don't mean to be harsh, but right now he sees you as a doormat, and that is a huge turn off for any guy, any person!

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