Rbeeson Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 My fiance and I had a rough start... We were both married and cheated with one another. She left her husband and I left my wife. That was 3 years ago. We have been inseparable since. Today, I found out that she slept with someone else 1 year into our relationship. We are now engaged. Should I let it go or not? I want to, but it's killing me to think that she did this, even though I know she did it to her husband before me... Am I way off base for being pissed? Link to comment
SherrySher Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 You're surprised? You start a relationship with a cheater, you should expect that behavior to continue. When she gets bored with you, she will look around and go with someone else. A relationship or marriage won't stop her. She's already proven that to you. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. There are always consequences, which now fall on the both of you. The chances of this relationship going forward are slim to none, (imo). Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. There are always consequences, which now fall on the both of you. The chances of this relationship going forward are slim to none, (imo). I agree... Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 If she'll do it with you, she'll do it to you. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 How you got 'em is how you'll lose 'em. Link to comment
RedDress Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 I know it’s really tempting to get caught up in the energy and romance of it all - and I’m sure that you are very invested in that narrative (at least for yourself) - that the cheating the two of you did together was «out of character» and a result of «soul mates», etc... and heck - maybe that is true for you - but she has clearly shown that this is not true for her. She has proven that cheating is NOT «out of character» for her - but rather very much IN character for her. She cheated on him. She cheated on you. And yes, of course, she will cheat on you again. I mean... none of us have a cristal ball but - yes - that’s where i’d put my money for sure. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. Link to comment
Clio Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 She betrayed you. You are no better but two wrongs don't make a right. How did you find out? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 How did you find this out? Who did she cheat with? Her husband or an other lover? Can you talk to her about it. Hold off getting married unless you are willing to have an open relationship.My fiance and I had a rough start... We were both married and cheated with one another. Today, I found out that she slept with someone else 1 year into our relationship. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 This thing started as a disaster, and it's likely to end that way. You get to decide whether it ends up costing you years and thousands of dollars in legal fees, or whether you'll walk away clean and whole. Choose wisely. Link to comment
Rbeeson Posted May 2, 2019 Author Share Posted May 2, 2019 She told me yesterday as a result of her talking about some guy in her sleep... She said that she wanted to play the field after she was separated from her husband and told me today that she did so because she had doubts about us making it. Want on a few dates and had sex with him. She had 3 kids that I absolutely adore and have taken in as my own. I can't stand the idea of losing her or them, but my skin crawls when I think about her with someone else. But like everyone else said, we started that way and I deserve what I get going forward with her. Thank you for your comments. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 That is the one she admitted to. If you stay with her and still want to marry her I would make it a VERY LOOOOOOONG engagement. Keep your eyes and ears open because you are about to marry a woman that has no problem lying and cheating. I think you know deep down you cannot trust her and she has proven that. Marry her if you will but it will not be much of a marriage with no trust. Lost Link to comment
SherrySher Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 I agree with, Lost. You might not be able to stand the thought of losing her but which is worse..losing her or staying with her and she continues to cheat and lie to you? How many times is it going to take? You only know of this one but who knows how many times shes actually cheated on you or lied about other men. She isn't someone you can trust and it's not going to change after marriage. Link to comment
greendots Posted May 3, 2019 Share Posted May 3, 2019 But like everyone else said, we started that way and I deserve what I get going forward with her. Your past doesn't define you or your future. Yes, you cheated. Yes, it's quite a terrible thing to do. Yes, you are living its consequences. And yes, you can attempt for your future to be nothing like your past. How? By changing the narrative in the present. What would you like your future to be like and what kind of person do you want to be? What do you need to do to get there? Does your current fiancée fit in the picture? Sure, you love her three kids and your skin crawls when you think about her with someone else. But does she fit in the picture? That is important. Link to comment
Rbeeson Posted May 10, 2019 Author Share Posted May 10, 2019 She does. She's everything I have ever wanted in another person. My person. My partner. Except this... obviously. She's a liar. I'm not. Can I live with that? Your comments have been resonating through my mind all week... Can't decide. Again, thank you all for words and help. Please, keep it up. She's lied to me again since then... But I want to be with her. Am I pathetic? Feeling like it Link to comment
jimthzz Posted May 10, 2019 Share Posted May 10, 2019 Fighting my urge to just laugh... OK, got that out of my system. Do not marry her and do not consider her kids as having anything to do with you. Move on. Be wiser in romance than you have been. Do not cheat with someone and expect loyalty. Get tested for STIs get away from her. Did I say do not marry her yet? Link to comment
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