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I'm a thief and a liar..

Papilionem

By Papilionem
in Emotions and Feelings

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Papilionem Newbie

Papilionem

Posted
Posted

Hello world,

 

Brutally honest post here. I have to be honest with myself otherwise I'm not going to change... if that's even remotely possible.

 

I'm 30 years old, married and in a full time job. It's minimum wage but I do enough hours to survive and with a combined income of my husband, we happen to do okay. But the truth is, I'm a liar and a thief. I am a compulsive liar, I lie about trivial things and I catch myself thinking "why did I lie about having a twin" or "why did I lie and say I was in the hair dresser when I'm at the shop getting milk...." I don't understand myself at all. On top of that, I'm a thief. It's not an impulsive act, I usually just wing it. I steal from work mainly, anything from a tea towel to an expensive vase ... if I know I can get away with it, I'll do it. I've even stolen from friends and family. I have no idea why I do these things, I just do them because I WANT something they have and then I end up not sleeping because I'm riddled with guilt. I even tell myself the repercussions if I get caught....

 

I actually got caught stealing from my last job and I was fired, I made a massive deal out of it and eventually after an appeal I got my job back. Even though the whole experience traumatized me and left me feeling much less of a person ... I'm still continuing to steal and lie and steal ... My husband believes I'm a good all round person, but he's wrong and if I ever admitted my true identity he would leave me. When he discovered that I'd been fired, I swore blind it was a innocent mistake and that I wasn't to blame and he believed me. But he warned me that if he ever found out I was a thief that he'd be gone, end of. Can't blame him really, can you? His words were "There are 3 things I hate in the world, liars, thieves and murderers".

 

Whenever I get the impulse to steal, I tell myself "I deserve that, I work hard" or "I got paid short this month because they messed up the payroll... I'm having it!"

 

I really just want to be a normal, functioning, human being. I want to have a moral compass that doesn't spin like crazy. I want to feel like I'm on the other wise of life... If I really look at myself, I don't like what I see or who I am turning into. but no matter the consequences of my actions, I begin to return to type.

 

Not exactly sure what to do with this. Writing this is making me squirm and cringe. But how can you trust what I'm saying? I'm also a liar, but ironically, everything I've written here is the truth.

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goddess Mentor

goddess

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At least you admit it, which is a good sign. I would suggest therapy with a psychiatrist (who is an MD). That way, he/she may help you to understand the reasons why you do these things and he/she might prescribe something to control the possible imbalance (neurotransmitters) in your brain. Wouldn't hurt to try.

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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You definitely need professional help.

 

Admitting you have these problems is great, but unless you take the next step of getting help you will end up unemployed (at best) or with an arrest record or jail time and divorced (at worst).

 

And you and your therapist can work on the best way to confess to your husband. If he sees you are getting help I bet he'd be much more forgiving.

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ThatwasThen Grand Master

ThatwasThen

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Posted
I really just want to be a normal, functioning, human being. I want to have a moral compass that doesn't spin like crazy. I want to feel like I'm on the other wise of life... If I really look at myself, I don't like what I see or who I am turning into. but no matter the consequences of my actions, I begin to return to type.

Get a psychiatrist to diagnose you because whether your opening thread is the truth or you're just perpetuating another lie, you need to get yourself diagnosed and to work through what is most likely some awful upbringing that has you doing the things you say you do or making false threads up (whatever this opening post happens to be).

 

But how can you trust what I'm saying? I'm also a liar, but ironically, everything I've written here is the truth.
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Cherylyn Grand Master

Cherylyn

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Change the way you think. It's thrilling to see if you can get away with lying and stealing but remember the harsh consequences in the end aren't worth it nor is the remorse and regrets later.

 

It's never too late to change. Become an honorable, trustworthy person especially when no one is looking over your shoulder. Then when you awake tomorrow morning, you can look at yourself in the mirror without any guilt.

 

Live a good, honest life because you'll grow to love and respect yourself before others do the same for you. Being a decent human being will make your life smoother and peaceful. Think of the outcome for the long term.

 

At the end of the day, nothing is more important than peace of mind. Make your troubles light or lighter. Then you will become a happy, content, secure person.

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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If getting caught wasn't humiliating enough to cure the behavior, and the consequences of getting caught again would mean that everyone, including your husband, would know for sure that your last employer was right, not mistaken--and odds are, you WILL get caught again--none of this is enough to stop you?

 

Would you consider getting professional help?

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