Women, please! What's the Attraction to a Bad Boy?

[brucethescot]

My EX and I parted after 15 years together just over 2 weeks ago. There has been NC since.

 

My EX originally first told me she 'wanted to be alone" and wanted to try to make it on her own for the 1st time in her life. By the time we actually parted, she told me she was with the OM. (so much for wanting to be alone). She also told me that, for the first time in her life, she was going to do for her instead of everyone else. This, from a gal who was THE MOST SELFLESS person I know. Honest!

 

Now women out there especially, pleeeeze help me understand this.....I'm sure you've known of this occurring with girls you've known.

 

The OM is a real "bad boy" and my EX knows it completely. She told me all about this dude. First my EX is 44, he is 39. He's not much to look at either...both arms with tattoos from shoulder to wrist. He is an ex felon, arrested 11 times over 18 years. He is a psychotic and alcoholic having been admitted for treatments many times over the years. In fact my EX helped get him admitted for several days as recently as 2 weeks before we split. He has 2 ex wives and kind by both. he can't keep up with child support. He can't keep a job. His transportation is a motorcycle. She drives him around in her car.

 

On the other hand, I am an attractive, educated, intellgent, hard working normal male. I am the exact opposite of the OM in every way. I provided for us and anything my EX made in her job was her's. We never had a harsh word between us in 15 years. I'd say there was always mutural respect.

 

My EX is a VERY attractive, caring, sensitive, selfless woman. She has always shown good judgment in our 15 years and even told me she knows the OM isn't any good for her. But he loves her (so she says) and I overheard her on the phone saying she loved him.

 

So, ladies in particular, what in the world would motivate my EX to do what she's doing with this dude? Oh sure, he likely saw she was vulnerable and gave her the attention she felt was lacking. I won't deny that possibilty. But why with such a real, real "bad boy?"

 

One other thing...the people my EX has be-friended are low lifes whose 2 main food groups are beer and cigarettes. She spends her time with this kind of trash. What gives?

[TheDoctor]

Girls flirt with the bad boys but they go home to the nice guys....your ex has it visa versa at an age a little to old to mess with. Maybe mid life?

[Scout]

Didn't you already post about this under a different name??

[brucethescot]

Hi Doc!

 

Midlife Crisis indeed. It turns out that I found something that describes all of her other behavior that fits a MLC to a T.

 

Another thing I "just" learned is that someone will low self esteem would be inclined to do such a thing too.

 

Thanks for your feedback!

[Francis]

I've never been attracted to "bad boys" but I have a wonderful, responsible and educated father. I have read that women are attracted to men that somewhat ressemble to their father either physically or morally. Apparently, if they were used to a man who abused the mother verbally or physically, they will have a tendency to assimilate aggression to masculinity and find more sophisticated men effeminate.

[brucethescot]

Francis,

 

Interesting insight. Thanks.

 

I do recall my EX telling me (when she said it was over) that a turning point in her life had occurred a few months earlier when her father died. She never loved him and probably almost hated him. He always cheated on his wife (my EX mother), and was never there for the kids. That said though, there are no ther similarities to my EX's bad boy...other than he's just NG.

 

Hmm.