I want something more than friendship with my bestfriend but she doesn't

[Davido8421]

My best friend is a girl, we attend the same school, we started getting closer in our 2nd year in school through social media, so we started getting fond of each other, even tho she told me she was in a long relationship with a guy in a different state from hers..

That gave us an opportunity to hang out more often together, i respected her relationship and knew my limits.. I was so determined and convinced i would one day get a chance to have something more than just friendship and cement our relationship for life..I have been there all through numerous times for her, even when she had problems with her boyfriend, I helped her financially, academically and mentally all though those times. i sacrificed literally everything i could to make sure she felt loved and was happy.. I started telling her i wished i met her before her boyfriend did, cos i would love to build my forever with her.. She started giving me an impression she liked and valued me much more than her boy friend..

And finally after several attempts, she broke up with her boy friend..

Now i made my intentions true and clear to her that i would like to date her, So i asked her out, but she turned me down, saying she loves me so much and that i meant the everything to her but she cant date me because dating would pose a threat to our friendship.. And that even if she gets another guy today..i would still be the best she has ever had

I was and am still heart broken..💔 cos i always thought i would one day cement our friendship forever when i get to date her..

I love her.. And i can't bear the pain of seeing another guy with my best friend.. I feel ave lost everything.. I feel ave wasted my time all these while.. I feel i regret everything ave done for her...

Pls advice me.. What should i do?

[Afireblue]

I have been there all through numerous times for her, even when she had problems with her boyfriend, I helped her financially, academically and mentally all though those times. i sacrificed literally everything i could to make sure she felt loved and was happy..

 

 

I am very sorry you are hurting...

 

 

What sounds concerning to me is how you refer to this friendship as having to "sacrifice literally everything i could to make sure she felt loved and was happy" This sounds like a one way relationship to me.

 

How long was it after her break up that you asked her out? Did you expect that she would just go running into your arms right after?

 

 

You haven't lost everything, it sounds to me like you never had her and it was all in your head. You need to take care of yourself now, during this time of pain, surround yourself with other friends, get busy with hobbies, get a life of your own and not put her in the center of it, reduce contact with her.

 

Things fall into place on their own. I hope you get there soon

 

AB

[SarahLancaster]

If you want to stop hurting, you're going to have to distance yourself from her. She is not really a 'best friend' at this point. She's a love interest, and she has made it clear that she sees you only as a friend.

 

Without a doubt, she will have another boyfriend soon, and if you don't want it eating your heart out, explain to her that because of your feelings, you can no longer spend time with her. Block her from your life and look for someone who wants to be with you as a girlfriend.

[Davido8421]

Thank you for ur advice

[Davido8421]

Thank u dear

[Gary Snyder]

You are projecting your feelings onto her, thinking she feels the same way.

 

Her feelings are separate from yours; while you love her, she only thinks of you as a friend, and probably always will. Endlessly pining for her will only leave you in pain.

 

Date others until you find someone to fall in love with you. A partner who loves you is a whole lot more fun!

[RayofLighten]

I agree that you are going to have to distance yourself from her. You crossed the boundaries of friendship and it probably won't be the same again. You have allowed your feelings for her to consume you.

[smackie9]

I have to give you this advice....don't be an orbiter. You never ever hover around a girl that has a BF, or hang in the friends zone for months or even years thinking she will fall in love with you someday because you buy her gifts, give her money and all that crap...STOP IT! That's so beta. If you like a girl, you introduce yourself, chat with her for a bit, then ask her for her number. Then you ask her out. If you get anything but yes, you ditch her and move onto the next. A girl has to earn it, so don't be so eager to do anything for them because you are crushing....you will find yourself out of luck. All those alfa guys out there that get the girls? it's because they don't put girls up on a pedestal. They don't make themselves so available. They earn respect for not trying to please eagerly and be such a doormat.

 

As for this girl, ditch her and move on. Nothing will ever come of it. Take my advice and you won't hurt like this again. Confidence wins the girl. Know your worth, be confident to know you don't have to bend over backwards for a girl to appreciate you.

[Nickel Speed]

My best friend is a girl, we attend the same school, we started getting closer in our 2nd year in school through social media, so we started getting fond of each other, even tho she told me she was in a long relationship with a guy in a different state from hers..

That gave us an opportunity to hang out more often together, i respected her relationship and knew my limits.. I was so determined and convinced i would one day get a chance to have something more than just friendship and cement our relationship for life..I have been there all through numerous times for her, even when she had problems with her boyfriend, I helped her financially, academically and mentally all though those times. i sacrificed literally everything i could to make sure she felt loved and was happy.. I started telling her i wished i met her before her boyfriend did, cos i would love to build my forever with her.. She started giving me an impression she liked and valued me much more than her boy friend..

And finally after several attempts, she broke up with her boy friend..

Now i made my intentions true and clear to her that i would like to date her, So i asked her out, but she turned me down, saying she loves me so much and that i meant the everything to her but she cant date me because dating would pose a threat to our friendship.. And that even if she gets another guy today..i would still be the best she has ever had

I was and am still heart broken..💔 cos i always thought i would one day cement our friendship forever when i get to date her..

I love her.. And i can't bear the pain of seeing another guy with my best friend.. I feel ave lost everything.. I feel ave wasted my time all these while.. I feel i regret everything ave done for her...

Pls advice me.. What should i do?

 

 

You made a lot of mistakes from the get go. You became her best friend, not her lover. She already has your support, so to her she has nothing to gain from an intimate relationship with you and doesn't see you that way.

 

It's ok, most of us guys do this at least once. Then we learn what not to do.

 

Give yourself some space, she may come around, but it's not likely.

[Clio]

So basically your friendship had an ulterior motive. You were expecting a return. That was not a genuine friendship nor a healthy situation so it's good that she ended your delusion of what you two had. You need to stop seeing her. You don't really see her as a friend and she doesn't see you romantically i.e.you two are incompatible. You want different things out of each other. Do yourself a favour and end all contact with her. That's your only chance of stopping wasting your time with her.

[MissCanuck]

You need to take your distance from her now.

 

She doesn't have romantic feelings for you, and she can't change that. Now that you know you two won't become a couple, it's time to cool this friendship off.

[Rose Mosse]

I've never bought the friendship over relationship speech. It's contradictory and makes no sense. Relationships are friendships and not all friendships are guaranteed for life so assuming that a friendship is more stable than a relationship is silly/unfounded, imho. I think this type of speak usually comes from inexperienced or very confused individuals (maybe it's the way people speak on tv or on youtube). If not confused, then they're just liars letting you down easy. Sorry, OP. It's basically a slipshod excuse. Understandably, she may also be a mixed bag emotionally and not know her left from right after her break up. It was also inappropriate for you to believe that you could easily swoop in after a leftover carcass and possess it. She's not an object. She's a human being. Respect her and her wishes and most of all respect yourself.

 

I understand you're hurt. Pick yourself up. Your ego is bruised, that's all. You had a lot of hopes and they were dashed. She foiled you! But she's not the only woman on the surface of the earth. Have a good laugh, start noticing all the other people you could be connecting with and start making new friends and meeting new people.